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going back to school - depression going back to school - depression

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Unread 08-10-2008, 02:17 PM
going back to school - depression

I am going back to work this week and this weekend i have been really depressed. I have been off for 3 mths. and I was really excited last week, but this weekend I became very depressed. I even had dizzy spells and became nauseous. I stayed in bed all evening last night. this morning I got up at 3 and did some housework that i wanted to get done yesterday, but didn't. I still can't bring myself to go up to the school today to work on my room. School starts in 2 weeks for the kids.
I am afraid I will get sick and not be able to do my job this fall. Anytime I get sick now I get scared that it is something major. I had feelings of wanting to die yesterday that I haven't had in about a month. I asked God to let me die if I couldn't be a good teacher this year. It scared me that I had that thought. I have lived a good life and just don't see why I am so depressed and scared about a new year. I have 5 jillion things to do, but I can't get myself going.
It is like I have done for me this summer and now I have to be responsible for others in a few weeks. I liked being responsible only for me. I guess I am dreading the stress and hoping I can do it. I just doubt myself too much. My memory has lapses at times that scare me. I am afraid that i won't do a good enough job like I did in the past.
I couldn't get up for church this morning because I had only slept for 3 hours last night. I took a 10mg Ambien and it did not knock me out until 6 AM this morning. My dh let me sleep and went onto church by himself. the dizziness spells are little better today, but I still feel like I am groggy. You know that feeling after surgery. It is just weird!
Anyone else go through this? Am I just weird?
i don't understand the dizzines and nausea because it came on all of a sudden. I only felt okay if I laid down. Anytime I stood up I got nauseous. Anyone else have this?

I am 3 mths. post op.
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Unread 08-10-2008, 02:27 PM
going back to school - depression


Depression is so difficult. Are you on Anti-D's or open to taking them? You don't want to die, you want the depression to die sweetie.

I'm dizzy all the time because I have low BP, so I think maybe you are dizzy from lack of sleep.

Keep praying, okay? It will help. And definitely check in to seeing a therapist for your depression. You really need someone to talk to abotu what you are going through.

Unread 08-10-2008, 02:43 PM
going back to school - depression

Thanks. I pray often and I had a really good handle on school starting this last week, but now I am just really down. Tomorrow I HAVE to report for a workshop. It is no longer my choice, I am back on contract.
I know that I need to speak to a therapist and I have someone in mind. I guess since I am feeling better I forget about the hysterectomy, but when I realize all of the responsibilities of work looming over head in the next few weeks I get scared that I will mess up.
i am not on any anti depressants of any kind. My bp is normal everytime I check it. Last week when I went to the dr. it was the best it has ever been when I was in the drs office. It was 116/82. Normally in the drs office I am in the 130's range. My friend said it might be due to a sinus infection. I just hate not feeling well and anytime I get sick, I get scared because the last time I got sick I was sick for 9 days straight before I had my gallbladder removed.
i guess at times I wish that I could die so I wouldn't have the responsibility of working. It is a way to avoid it. I know it is wrong, but I have those thoughts right now. I wish I didn't have to work, but I have to. Please keep me in your prayers.
I will be fine tomorrow when I see all my buddies and we talk about our summers. I need to get up and do somethings around the house and maybe that will help me get into a better mood.
Thanks for the reply.
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Unread 08-10-2008, 02:47 PM
going back to school - depression

Your depression sounds like my husband's. He retired from the army and wanted to start school to be a teacher. He was anxious about beginning school and once he got into it and saw that he could do it he loves it. He was recently fairly depressed and needed to do some house things and it seemed like he had so much to do that he could not even get started. I would suggest speaking to someone. You're in our prayers and let us know how you are doing.
Unread 08-10-2008, 02:48 PM
going back to school - depression

Are your ovaries working? Has the doctor tested the hormones. Sleep is so important. That is when we heal and repair.
Unread 08-10-2008, 02:55 PM
going back to school - depression

I have depression it's awful hun. anti-d's aren't all bad. i am unable to take them because I am bipolar and they produce mania in me but I have many friends who benefit from them.
also talk therapy is great.
good luck sister we are here if you need us.
peace chris
Unread 08-10-2008, 03:03 PM
going back to school - depression

You say you kept your ovaries but they sound as if they are getting a little sluggish. I know how you are feeling. I teach 1st grade and have been going in to my class to get things rolling. I am very worried that I will not be able to handle the STRESS! I joke with everyone that I'm going to start doing "nap times" again just so I can make it through the day. As of now I can only last 2 hours and that's only doing minimal work around the room with no kids.

As far as sluggish hormones go. I am a wreck because I see changes in me that were never there before. I have days where I don't sleep well. I'm weepy and edgy and I don't quite feel right. I know I am still healing, but I worry that I'm on the verge of my ovaries shutting down. I know it's inevitable but I was hoping they would last a while longer.

Your anxiety and depression sound as if your ovaries are playing games with you too. If it continues you may want to call your DR. Wishing you extra energy for the start of the school year, patience with yourself as you still continue to heal and JOY that the school year is about to start.
Unread 08-10-2008, 03:16 PM
going back to school - depression

Originally Posted by growviolets
Are your ovaries working? Has the doctor tested the hormones. Sleep is so important. That is when we heal and repair.
Yes I still have my ovaries and my drs have checked them several times this summer and they say they are normal. I disagree, but the tests always come back normal.

I am just worried about doing my job since I have had 3 mths to recover. I have gotten into some really bad routines that are going to take sometime to change. My sleep habits are awful. I am a night owl and love to stay up late, but when I teach I won't be able to do that. I am going to start taking my ambien at 8 to see if that will make me drowsy enough by 10 to get a good nights rest. I need between 8-9 hours of good rest to be effective in the classroom. I teach 5th graders. My hats go off to you Lori who teaches 1st grade. I have taught that grade before and they require LOTS of energy from their teacher. I need to get up to the school and work in my room, but I guess the procrastinator in me is stuck in that mode right now. NExt weekend I will have wished it wouldn't have been, but right now it is. I just want to enjoy one last day of freedom, before I am REQUIRED to be in my room. Make sense?
Sometimes I let my fears get the best of me, but I always face them in the end and find out they weren't real to begin with.
Thanks for everyone caring and I wish each of you the best. I will keep in touch and let you know how the 1st few weeks go. I am really interested to find out how my stamina will be once I have to work a 40 + hour week again. I haven't had to do that in 3 mths. I have gotten used to doing what I want to do for myself and not having the responsibility of teaching.
I kind of like that lifestyle, too, but my bills won't get paid that way and I won't be able to travel if I didn't work. My h would probably grow tired of me being home everyday. He is semi retired. He works 2 days a week. I am only 40 so I have a few more years to work before retiring. Trouble of marrying an older man. He is 15 yrs. older than me.
Unread 08-10-2008, 03:16 PM
going back to school - depression

I teach 4th grade and I think the hardest part of going back to school is "getting my head in the game." It is hard to be responsible for so many little people. I think of summertime as my time to let go of last year's kids and prepare to lose my heart to another group. (I'm getting weepy just thinking about it!) I try to go back a little at a time or do a little bit each day in preparation for the first day. Last year I found a really good back to school checklist for teachers on flylady.net. It was really helpful to create a list and then use a calendar to plan how to get things done. I have always had back to school nightmares and trouble sleeping as we get closer to day 1.
Unread 08-10-2008, 03:28 PM
going back to school - depression

This really sounds like you are overwhelmed and the anxiety and depression have hit you hard when you feel like you aren't up to physically handling it. Taking on the responsiblity of school and the kids just have pushed you to the limit. I hate this for you. I went through similiar feelings before I got some help. I got so down it took my Dh's concern for me to see how much I had changed and then I began my search to feel better.

I am for the bigger part of the year an "up" personality , laughing and cutting up, but I got overwhelmed when my father was gravely ill a few years back and plus, I was needing surgery to alleviate my own symptoms. I put off hyst surgery for 4 years so I could help my parents handle his illness, then mom's and MIL's and I became severely depressed during this time and couldn't "get out of it" on my own. I, too, felt like with all my family, elderly sick parents and MIL, kids, work, school, life etc responsibilties ( I love all of these things and people by the way) it would be easier just not to be alive so I wouldn't have to worry about what I couldn't do or change. Sounds horrible, I know you know. I really just needed some help and got it from my great dr (who did my hyst) in the form of Wellbutrin. I felt immediately better, within 2 days actually. My optimism returned and I was my self again. I had never had depression before or felt so hopeless just handling daily chores. I have had no side effects but being able to smile again even though the stress and some of the situations are still there. And you don't need a laundry list of stressors to affect you, just one can do it.

All this to say, you didn't bring this on yourself, but since you are aware of it, please ask your dr and get some help. Whether it is needed sleep, hormonal, depression or anxiety you need some relief. You owe it to yourself and to those who love you. It can get much better. Let us know how you are doing, OK? Good luck and take care.

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