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Mom and Husband Can't Get Along. Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

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Unread 08-29-2008, 08:35 AM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

Good morning, everyone! Help!!!!!

My mother absolutely cannot stand my husband. She tends to act like a 2 year old when they have to be in the same room. We usually manage to just keep the two apart, but they both want to be there for my surgery (TAH/BSO on 9/15/08). I want both of them there - I love both my mom and my husband, but I can't stand the way my mom acts when it comes to him. I've talked to her about it, and it is like talking to a child. She also watches my son while I am at work, and she is going to help take care of both me and my son while I am recovering and my hubby is working.

I am terrified about having both of them in the waiting room at the hospital while I am in surgery. I want both of them there, and I know my hubby will leave my mother alone, but I'm afraid of how she is going to act. After surgery, my mother can be there during the day and my hubby at night after work, so there won't be a problem.

Anyone have any suggestions to help? I thought about having one of my friends there as a buffer to kind of keep the peace between the two. i've told them to just leave each other alone and sit on opposite ends of the room if needed. I've told my hubby to be on good behavior, and I've told mom to just deal with it.

Anyone else dealing with family members that can't get along? I am so frustrated that mom is so stubborn with this.
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Unread 08-29-2008, 08:47 AM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

Okay first of all, you are going to have enough on your mind and dont need to be worrying about how they are getting along. I would say let them deal with it themselves. But,if you are going to be worried, I would have a friend sit in.
Unread 08-29-2008, 09:51 AM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

I agree with LookingforaSis - your health and mind-set come first

You could decide on a special word with them beforehand that means "Shut up - you are stressing me out - just stop everything" - and if you say it, they know to grin, make friends, and get over it immediately

Then at least if anything kicks off, and you start getting stressed, it won't descend into further stress - just one special word that will stop the argument/conversation dead!

Good luck
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Unread 08-29-2008, 10:04 AM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

I can't see them fighting too much as they will both have concern for your health at that time and if they do they both need to grow up. My mother doesn't like my husband either but most of the time they try to be in separate rooms but are cordial when they absolutely have to be. My husband's problem is that he didn't have a mother in his life growing up and can't stand my mother's advice, butting in, etc. I am used to her so it doesn't bother me but sometimes he just can't let go. It has been 15 years and nothing has changed. You can't go against nature I guess. Stay strong. Heal the best you can and don't worry about it.
Unread 08-29-2008, 10:30 AM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

There's not much you can do about your mother's behavior while you're under the knife. If she gets out of control in the waiting room the hospital staff has ways to deal with it. And I hate to say it, but if she gets bad enough that the counselors can't handle her, they will call security.
Unread 08-29-2008, 01:03 PM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

Thanks Ladies! I'm trying not to worry about this, but I have this fear of my mom throwing one of her fits and being handcuffed by security. I'm not worried about my hubby, I'm worried about her! She tends to be a little melodramatic in stressful situations. I'm the one having surgery, but she'll end up passing out or having one of her famous "weak spells".

I really like the idea of having a code word when things are getting too tense to diffuse the situation. That way one can decide it's time to step out for some air or something. I'm really hoping they put aside their differences, and mom keeps her hostility swallowed for the 1-2 hours I'm in surgery and behaves for me. You all are right - I'm going to have enough going on without worrying if my mom is trying to choke my hubby in the waiting room! And - hopefully by the time I get out of surgery I'll have enough "happy meds" I won't care if they aren't getting along!!!
Unread 08-29-2008, 02:12 PM
Mom and Husband Can't Get Along.

I feel your pain - my mom and husband don't get along all that well either. I would sit them both down, together, and tell them if they both love you, they should be on their best behavior the day of your surgery because that day is all about you, and only you. You don't need the extra stress. Good luck, take care, and try not to worry. Sending happy thoughts your way.

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