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Need to vent (kids mentioned) Need to vent (kids mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 09-02-2008, 08:04 PM
Need to vent (kids mentioned)

I don't kow how to cope with the feelings I'm having at the moment. I had a TAH on august 18th and since then pretty much every night I'm having dreams about my uncle who sexually abused me for 10 years, i had stopped thinking about the abuse but its on my mind every day now. I had been on Anti-depressants for 10 years until 10 months ago and now I feel like i'm going to end up back on them. I can't go back to living like that.
As well as the dreams, i'm tearful, angry, frustrated, i feel vulnerable beacause I'm so dependant on other people at the moment, confused, tired but scared to go to sleep, in a lot of pain because the wound got infected in the hospital but it wasn't until i went to see my doctor nearly 2 weeks later that anyone noticed, i have a 5 year old and a 6 year old at home for the holidays who don't understand whats wrong with mummy, the 6 year old keeps bugging me for a new baby and i don't know how to explain to her that that can't happen.
My DH is doing what he can but his mum has not been out of hospital long from her second operation for bowel cancer so he's stressed beyond all belief, my mum is worried sick about me and trying to help where she can, but she has her own problems and I don't want her worrying about me too. My dad's girlfriend is being a total b****, she went as far as to take my dad on holiday the day I went into hospital so I couldn't see him, I'm mad at my dad for being weak willed enough to let her do it.
On top of all this my DH has to go for an ultrasound to check for possible gall stones on the 9th september which just happens to be the kids first day back at school, so i'm really worried for him.
I dont have any friends to talk to, its amazing how many people dont want to know you when they find out you are a survivor of abuse.
The family i do have is trying to be really supportive but i feel so lonely all the time, i don't even know why i'm writing this, i just figure it has to come out somewhere.

Sorry for the ramble, but better out than in right?
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  #2  
Unread 09-02-2008, 09:35 PM
Need to vent (kids mentioned)

((mandi))

I am sorry for all you have been through. This surgery is difficult for people emotionally and physically. Our hormones play a part in our emotions as well and make us cry and feel sad, bringing up old wounds sometimes.

A good doctor can help you with the right treatment/counseling in times of distress such as this. You are worth it, and should not have to suffer from all you have gone through.

I am glad you felt you could come here here to talk. You are not alone with grief and loss, and so we welcome you here.

Saying prayers for healing and peace during your journey towards recovery.


s
  #3  
Unread 09-03-2008, 09:33 AM
Need to vent (kids mentioned)

Thanks for your words of support. I understand what you are saying about counselling and i understand that for some people it works but for me it doesn't. Over a space of 5 years I saw 14 different councellors an unfortunately none of them helped. I do, however have a wonderful doctor who has always been there for me, if it gets worse i will definately be going to see him.

For now though, knowing that i can talk to the other sisters on here helps loads. I know i'll feel better soon, i just have no patience!

Blessings and light
Mand
xx
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  #4  
Unread 10-06-2008, 10:56 PM
Need to vent (kids mentioned)

I think maybe because we feel vunerable after our surgery (both strenght wise and hormonal) our fears about what happened to us come up and worry us. Here we are with not alot of control of that part of our bodies again. You might want to try and do something to make yourself feel stronger or safer. I was worried because I felt like I couldn't defend myself or my kids as well because I feel not as strong as before (I think partly because I don't want anything else to prolapse or tear!). I went and got my handgun permit, it was something I had always meant to do but never got around to it. I feel like I reclaimed an old part of myself and took charge of my own saftey.
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