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Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned) Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

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Unread 11-24-2008, 07:08 PM
Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

I just need to vent because it seems that no one has any clue what I am going through. It seems that in the three years since my hysterectomy every single person I know has been pg which is hard but now. . . DH's little brother's girlfriend now is pg, that would be hard enough but to make it worse they both have been laid of and are bragging about everything being free. And this is the first grandchild and I understand that his mom is excited, but how many times do I have to tell her that I don't want to see the latest thing she has bought for the baby? Then I think the worst part is that I have never heard her say one good thing about being PG, I understand that it is not all fun and games but why would you complain to someone that can not have children that you can not drink, or whatever the complaint of the day is?

Sorry this is so long I am just ready to scream and I can't say anything to DH since it is his family! Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish but I don't really think that some understanding on their part is too much to ask. . . Is it?
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Unread 11-25-2008, 11:56 AM
Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

Hi Lyzzie

Vent away! I really feel for you :-(

I don't think people are saying these things to hurt you, but they just so not understand that you can still be upset about being unable to have children over 2 years post op. They just assume that you will have got over it. How you ever get over not being able to have children I just don't know, I would have expected you to feel it forever.

My circumstances are very different as I chose not to have children as the circumstances weren't right & I didn't want to be an older Mum, but it doesn't mean that I like having other peoples pregnancy or children shoved down my throat.

But I have got over it, sort of! And in time you will find a way to cope with it and be the best Aunty you can be for this little one :-)


Unread 11-25-2008, 04:59 PM
Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

It is her who sounds young, irritating and selfish, not you. Not every pg woman acts that way though as I am sure you have learnt. It's awful when other's behaviour makes us feel bitter when we are struggling not to be. I feel for you. I would ask her to back off, but with someone that blind it rarely goes well...maybe your DH could have a word with his Brother, depends on maturity levels doesn't it really?
All the best, you are not selfish and are trying as hard as you can from what I read to be as nice as you can be so she could try as well.
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Unread 11-25-2008, 06:30 PM
Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

I think saying anything will actually make it worse, and yes it is because of the maturity levels. I know that this would be hard even if she had a positive attitude, I just can not get over the constant complaining!! OK now I just have to get through the next four months!
Unread 12-02-2008, 07:04 AM
Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this right now.

It can be so difficult to deal with people who seem to resent the very things we want most. Hearing a pregnant woman complain about something which is pretty trivial belittles the entire thing, doesn't it?

I guess the best thing I can tell you right now is to remember that you can't control anyone else. There will always be insensitive people in the world. What you can do is to control your own reactions to them. Many (((sisters))) have found that they actually need to limit their time around people who give off a negative "vibe" as far as children go.

As for your MIL, think very carefully about how you want to deal with this situation. If it were me, I'd probably just try to "tune her out" if possible. This is because I would be prone to saying something which might feel good at the time, but would be hurtful. And even if you're getting hurt, it isn't worth it to try and hurt back. Now, I'm not saying you'd ever do that -- I'm just saying it because I know what's happened to me in the past when I've thought of a great comeback, then regretted it later.

I wonder if DH would be willing to put a "bug" in his mom's ear to suggest that she tone down her enthusiasm? It might be worth a try. I hope that when she understands how much it hurts you, she will be able to adjust herself accordingly.

Sending your way.
Unread 12-02-2008, 08:25 AM
Am I being selfish? ( sensitive topic_children mentioned)

You know what; I'd have to turn the tables on them. When the PG woman starts the "complaint of the day" I think I'd would you like to trade places with me? I can't have a child so maybe you and I can switch places? It may take them 2 weeks to process what you said but eventually they will get it and shut her up! As far as the MIL; you can't say anything to her really because then she'll alienate you. No sense talking with DHs; they don't get it.

There's just no accountability for stupidity or the feelings of others. So no matter what you say, make sure you say it with a SMILE.

And please try not to feel so bad, there is another "mission" for you in this life and you will find that answer, I promise.

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