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recovery at my house vs. mom's house recovery at my house vs. mom's house

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Unread 12-04-2008, 05:19 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

Hi, I'm a newbie and my surgery date is about a month away. I'm widowed and live alone with my two dogs. My mom who is 68, has offered to care for me (I didn't ask), but wants me

--to come to her house two hours away from my home, doctor, hospital and friends for the first week to three weeks because that would be more convenient for her, and so she wouldn't have to put her dog in the kennel (her dog might eat my dogs; otherwise, she could bring her dog). I have the same dilemma if I stay at her house, only I have TWO dogs AND am shelling out big bucks for the surgery.

--to schedule my hysterectomy so it doesn't conflict with my sister-in-law's. Please keep in mind that my immediate family consists only of my mom and my brother, who is married to my SIL. My SIL has many more immediate family members than I do. I actually did schedule a month ahead of my SIL with all this in mind, but her dr. just moved her surgery up to a week after mine! (P.S. My SIL and I have already made plans to celebrate once we both recover!!)

I think maybe my mom thinks she SHOULD care for me and feels GUILTY, so she offered -- it sounded a little hollow -- and the convenience thing really stung, although surely she did not mean for it to.

I think the reality is: She's just too old to do this.

I have decided that since this is MY surgery, I'm going to do recovery on MY terms -- I am going to workout my post-op care plan so that I do not have to rely on my mom. Then, I will let her know I've worked it out, and she can just choose to do or not do what works for her. She can visit, she can call, but she knows I'm covered, no matter what.

My house doesn't have a downstairs bedroom, so I will get a rollaway bed and put it downstairs and set up downstairs in the den with everything I need the first three weeks, until I can climb stairs. I am having breakfast with my dogs' petsitter, who also is a good friend, to plan and brainstorm on Saturday.

That first week, I am thinking I'll ask friends to alternate staying with me during the day, and I'll see if I can arrange some sort of home care service to stay overnight in the guest bedroom upstairs. My dr. says after the first week I will only need once-a-day check-ins, and I know friends and my petsitter can do that, and already people are offering to run errands and such.

Has anyone who is living alone ever had this sort of experience with a close loved one re: caregiving, and also, do you think my plan sounds okay?
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Unread 12-04-2008, 05:39 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

Well, I think this all depends on which kind of surgery you are having and of course how that surgery goes. I had a LAVH and could have been by myself with just some "drop-in" by about the 3rd or 4th day if I had some ready made food available. Of course that's me and my recovery. Everybody is different. Read on this website and see how many different recoveries people are having for the type of surgery you are having and you will get a 'guesstimate" of how you may be doing afterwards. Good luck.
Unread 12-04-2008, 09:46 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

Yes, much will depend upon the type of surgery you are having. I had an LSH and was able to do the stairs to my bedroom without any problem.

My mother and daughter were both around to bring meals for the first few days, but I had plenty of time with no one else in the house (well, except my cats).

My daughter did spend the first three nights at my house, just in case, but I would have actually been fine on my own.

I have to admit, I snickered at your comment that, at 68, your mother may be too old to assist. Not knowing your mother, of course, I do not know how she is. I can tell you that my mother is 87 (and no, I am not all that old, my mother was almost 40 when my parents adopted me) and she can run circles around most 50 year olds. Don't count Mom out, in the age department just yet.
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Unread 12-05-2008, 04:25 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

I, too, had LSH. While I have a wonderful husband who was there to do anything for me, I actually could have taken care of myself from day one. I had outpatient surgery and we were at the grocery store that night! Anyway...I wish you the best. I am personally happier in my own home...sounds like you are as well.
Best of luck
Unread 12-05-2008, 05:27 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

I had a TAH with a very large incision. I was in hospital for 3 days and could not wait to get home. I was lucky my DH was able to take 2 weeks off work. I was able to do the stairs when I got home and was glad to have my family around to bring me my meals and tea for the first couple of days.

I was okay after that, but I was not taking any meds...if you are taking meds you will definitely need someone around. I also found that I need help when I showered the first couple of days as I had limited bending mobility.

I say, let your mom kennel her dog and let her pamper you for a while, you deserve it.

Best of luck.
Unread 12-07-2008, 04:11 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

Wow, this is all VERY helpful. Thank you so much!!! I *think* my category is TAH. It's taking out uterus and cervix (and muchas fibroids, including a ginormous one named Horace) with an incision (because Horace is such a big boy, the size of a uterus himself). Leaving ovaries and uterus. Two nights in hospital, then home. i will definitely have pain meds when I get back.

In the meantime (I hope this is okay to mention and apologize if it is not) the nice man I am dating is stepping up to care for me, too, and my mom has become more flexible. Definitely not so worried and happy that all this means I can recover at home.

Thank you sisters!!!
Unread 12-07-2008, 05:58 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

I am glad everything is falling into place for you. Just remember to rest and let you body heal.

Good luck.
Unread 12-07-2008, 11:09 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

My mum is 67. She waffled on me a couple of times before surgery, but in the end she showed up and stayed for 8 days. She did the laundry, pushed fluids, pushed the walks and then tucked me into bed for a nap.

She also cleaned my whole apartment. It was great. And we got along very well too.

After that I was on my own and did very well. My apartment looks like a bomb went off right now, but I got some laundry done and a do short trips to the grocery store a couple times a week on my own.
Unread 12-08-2008, 06:18 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

I stayed at my parents for two weeks with my 3 kids. My husband works afternoons/nights and wouldn't be home to help with my kids after school and I wouldn't have had any help in the morning getting them ready.

So, bless my parents, they really really really helped out with all that! I only live a mile from them, so taking the girls to the bus stop was not an issue. I also went home on the weekends if my DH wasn't working.

ALSO: * my mom had her TAH 3 WEEKS prior to me, so she was still recovering while I was staying there.
Unread 12-09-2008, 07:22 PM
recovery at my house vs. mom's house

I had a TAH in September and I almost over-planned my home-time.
I have a hubby who would have done anything for me. But I didn't need any help.
I got in and out of bed fine, took a shower the day after I got home (I slept 12 hours my first day home — you can't sleep in the hospital!). And I was able to get up and get a snack or a cup of soup. You probably won't want to eat much until you feel better anyway.
I took moderate amounts of pain medicine and I firmly believe I could have been on my own.
I'm 54 and had one surgery 10 years ago and it was the same way.
Everyone is different — but I think you'll be fine!

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