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Am I being a big baby? Am I being a big baby?

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Unread 01-11-2009, 06:04 PM
Am I being a big baby?

I had my TAH/BSO on 12/30. I thought I was doing pretty well in the beginning. I came home on 1/1. Not as much pain as I expected. I stayed put the first couple of days and then started moving around a bit more. On day 5 I started doing stairs. Had my stitches out on 1/6 and then had a seroma that started draining. Saw the doc on the 7th and 9th. On the 7th he cultured it and drained a lot of stuff. Said I could do the stairs twice a day now.

My family room isn't too comfortable so I like to stay either upstairs in my room or down in the basement. I've been having breakfast upstairs and then coming down for lunch and dinner. Here's the problem, some days are better than others. Some I can't wait to get down and others I just want to stay in bed. Some days I have tons of drainage and need help with the bandage and other days I don't. Apparently DH thinks if I've had one good day the next should be better.

I've tried to explain that it doesn't work that way. Each day is different. Just because the incision is healed doesn't mean the inside is. The other thing is that when I need something and ask for it you'd think I was asking him for a kidney. I know he has trouble with his knee right now so I'm trying to ask for very, very little. I'm just getting so upset from his reactions.

I hate not being in control. I'm also the person who usually takes care of everyone else. I'm not used to someone taking care of me and I'm sure not used to having to ask for help. It makes it that much harder when you ask and are met with an attitude. Thank goodness my mom came to help out or I'd really be a wreck by now.

I guess I just needed to vent. I'm delighted that physically I'm doing much better than I thought. Emotionally I'm having a rough time because of all that's going on.

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Unread 01-11-2009, 06:09 PM
Am I being a big baby?


NO you are not being a big baby!!! I was limited to all activity for 6 weeks after TAH/LSO. Some days were good, others not so much. I used my paperwork from my doc that said limited activity for anyone who questioned my energy level/activity level, etc.

I know it's hard to have others take care of things. But, if you don't take care of yourself now, you will take longer to recover. Just my 2 cents....

Not sure this helps any, but wanted to offer you some support and for you to know you are NOT a big baby!!!
Unread 01-11-2009, 06:18 PM
Am I being a big baby?

No Wendy, you are not being a baby! You are recovering from major surgery and it has hardly been 2 weeks!!! If you feel like staying in bed one day, then do it and tell DH that is the way it has to be, for that day. I understand perfectly where you are coming from. I understand there is a place on this website for men, to help them get some idea of what we women are going thru. If you go to the upper right lavender tab that says SUPPORT, there is a selection that says For Men. Maybe have your DH read that or print it out for him to read at his leisure.
Best wishes for your recovery; sounds like you are doing okay for just out of the "castle". Keep on posting! My prayers and hugs are out to you!
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Unread 01-11-2009, 07:47 PM
Am I being a big baby?

I've had a hard time accepting that I have some good days and some bad days. I had expected every day to be a bit better. I "get" now that the up-and-down nature of recovery is okay. To help my family understand, I make a point of wearing my sweat pants or pajamas every day. In fact, on Friday I spent the whole morning out of the house. I had my post-op appointment, I stopped by work, and I went to the drugstore. When I came home, I knew I should like down to rest from all of that. Instead of lying on the couch, I went upstairs, changed out of my jeans, and climbed into bed. That's how my family found me.

Yesterday I spent the whole day on the couch so it was easier for me to think about doing little things and was easier for everyone to help take care of me. But just being with my family when I've spent so much time alone is exhausting. So today I spent the whole day in bed except for meals.

I think what most got the message across to my family was the day early last week when I truly hadn't done too much but was vertical more than I was used to. In the evening, I suddenly felt like all the energy drained out of me, I started crying (from discomfort and exhaustion more than from the pain), and my kids had to help me to bed. Seeing me like that said much more than my words.

It sounds to me like your recovery is about where mine was a few days ago--and you had a more invasive surgery than I did. Would your husband be willing to get you a supply of granola bars, fruit, crackers, and water bottles to keep in your bedroom? That might help you more easily wait for your husband to wait on you. You could even keep a cooler with some yogurt or something in it.

I hope tomorrow is better for you.
Unread 01-11-2009, 09:47 PM
Am I being a big baby?

No you are NOT being a baby. My surgery was on Dec. 10. I still have a good day or a string of good days, and then a bad day. I was able to go back to work at 3 weeks, part-time, but those days were tiring. I don't have steps to deal with except into and out of the house and even those were almost impossible. Its really hard for men to understand our bodies, the surgery and the healing but I think your DH might benefit from the support tab, as suggested above. I felt the same way you did. My worst days were the days I felt guilty for asking for help or not doing my normal duties. Just try to hang in there and take the time you need. You'll heal better and be stronger as you go if you do. Its not that long and it really does fly by...even if it doesn't seem like it now.
Unread 01-11-2009, 10:13 PM
Am I being a big baby?

I too have the same problem, but I have decided not to give in. I have also decided that the real problem lies in the fact that we are talking vagina, uterus and other women parts men do not like to deal with. even some women would avert their eyes when I mentioned the "H" word. I swear if Ihad broken my leg more understanding would be there. Yesterday was a good day, but today was a crash day. I am waiting for the 2 or 3 good days in a row. Hang in there time is all you have, and use it wisely even if it is sleeping.
Unread 01-11-2009, 10:18 PM
Am I being a big baby?

Originally Posted by Pitana
I am waiting for the 2 or 3 good days in a row.
You hang in there too. You'll have a string of good days soon. Mine came about 3 weeks out. Just remember when it happens you still have to continue to rest and sleep only-even though you feel like doing more!
Unread 01-12-2009, 12:19 AM
Am I being a big baby?

I agree with are not being a baby. I am totally in the same boat...if I get up and start doing light work one minute and th next I am down my DH and kids are like..."Oh, I thought you were better" They just don't get it. And, it's not just them, even women friends that just are not aware. My GF wanted to know if I felt like going to the Mall shopping and to lunch...I was thinking she must be crazy...I'm still in bed 70% off the day in my DH's pajama bottoms....(swelly belly)...

Stay strong and they will thank you for taking care of yourself in the end.

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