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Does your husband or SO know....? Does your husband or SO know....?

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Unread 02-09-2009, 03:34 PM
Does your husband or SO know....?

Do they know your issues as far as having to splint, or leaking? My husband (of 24 years) is loving, kind and nurturing - but I haven't been able to share this. It's "my" bathroom secrets. If you have shared, how do they react? I think my husband would rather not know the details...
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Unread 02-09-2009, 03:48 PM
Does your husband or SO know....?

My SO knows and he's great about it!!
Unread 02-09-2009, 04:20 PM
Does your husband or SO know....?

Mine totally knew! When I went the first time after the repair and felt no urge to splint, He and I joked that I was finally going like a guy! Seriously, he knew about all the side effects of the rectocele. The splinting, the rectal bleeding, the yeast infection (that was fun in Alabama heat) and me taking 20 minutes to use the bathroom. He just kept saying, "honey...go get it done!"
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Unread 02-10-2009, 06:33 AM
Does your husband or SO know....?

Mine knows it all. I have also shared how much worse it could be, because of my knowledge of some of you ladies with more difficult issues. It makes it easier for me to feel like we are in this together. Also I am trying to prepare him in case it gets worse. Yesterday I went over the Cath issues with him, in case I have a diverticula. I also spoke with him about the 32 year old member, and the Diaper issues. His reply was that these people were cruel, and if it came to that, he would buy Diapers for me. (That is even hard to say)

Best wishes to all.
Unread 02-10-2009, 09:27 AM
I told my hubby

I am so glad I told my hubby. Because he knew about the issues, he was very supportive of my choice to get surgery done. Plus after the surgery, the doctor had to talk to him about how it went, and what to expect for recovery. So it was best to let him know everything that I had to go through.

I look at it this way, he is my best friend, the love of my life. If he were going through something like this, I would want to know, so I could be there for him in everyway...emotional support, and any other support he needed. We're a team. And it is so much easier to deal with this as a team, than alone.
Unread 02-10-2009, 10:51 AM
Does your husband or SO know....?

My marriage of 30+ years degraded into a nightmare where I experienced constant putdowns, psychological abuse, and sexual repulsion. My constipation began some 7 years ago and I did not share the details of having to splint or having to use my finger to dig it out. I was too mortified to tell anyone. I kept washing my hands and feared lest anyone get sick from contamination. Had I told him, I am sure that the whole family would have been constantly badgering me about hand washing and the kids would have declined to eat anything I made.

The bladder issues began just before I told him I needed a divorce. The divorce was long, costly, and painful. It was worth it because I learned that he did not possess the values or decency I had so long attributed to him. This has allowed me to deal with him as he is—not the person I wish him to be.

I had the sling and rectocele repairs 9 months after the divorce went through. The only information I provided was to say that the procedures I was having done were not uncommon for women who had difficulty giving birth.

If you have a sensitive partner, sharing may be beneficial. If your partner tends to blame or control you may not find comfort or support in the sharing. I really believed we were a team and never understood that I was undergoing verbal and psychological battering. I tuned his negativity out because I cared about the relationship and I did stand up for myself.

Finally, I had to learn to take care of myself and that meant sharing less info with him. I am very appreciative of the support I find on this site. I appreciate the candor of the posters not only because it provides solidarity but also because the experiences of others give me more insight into my own.
Unread 02-13-2009, 02:46 PM
Does your husband or SO know....?

no my spouse does not know that i have to lift my bladder and uterus up by sticking my finger into my rectum.... i would fear that they would never eat again what i cooked or made...

i wash my hands religiously! i use sanitizer! i use bleach! i use anything to get that poop smell offa my hand!

i will be so glad when this is fixed

i have told noone about it til now..not even my doctor.. but i do have a rectocele and she is doing a repair...

i thought i was the only one who had to do this....
i was so ashamed..i still am....

Unread 02-15-2009, 10:56 PM
Does your husband or SO know....?

I never told my husband until after I finally found out that I wasn't the only woman in the world with this problem and it has a name, "splinting"! Even then it really didn't come out until I came home from surgery. I was way too humiliated.

He was great about it and was amazed at how much I had suffered in silence. I had asked several GYNs over the years if anything could be done & was told "No". I never know I had a choice but to suffer until last September.
Unread 02-16-2009, 04:54 PM
Does your husband or SO know....?

I never keep anything from my husband. When I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to just get mad and yell at he has been there for me through everything. From the beginning, constant yeast infections, painful heavy periods, mood swings, bc pills, medications, surgery after surgery, no sex drive, hyster, ovary removal, and now pt for pelvic floor myalgia. If you can't turn to family for comfort who can you turn too?
Unread 02-18-2009, 06:29 AM
Does your husband or SO know....?

I never keep much form my husband, but I have keep this because it is down right embarrassing to having to splint and wiggle poo out! I very often have to have help with a fleet mini enema.. this info is just more then I want to share, even though I have a wonderful husband!

Anyway, I decided to share 'some' info to him and explain my condition. He was floored that I have been like this for so many years and hugged me and said he was sorry I am going through this, and that if he knew he would have made me seek help years ago (I did - but my old gyn told me to basically wait till everything was hanging out!) So, I am glad he somewhat know more... and I know I'll be a princess after my surgery.

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