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people say some stupid things to you people say some stupid things to you

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Unread 08-24-2001, 03:46 PM
people say some stupid things to you

our friend was over one night i was still a little sick to my stomache from the surg, i told my bf that i felt sick, our friend (who knew about my surg) said to me oh boy we must be pregnant! i almost died, i was blessed with two wonderful boys and thought this would not bother me, but it really struck me no chance to have anymore babies! it seems like all the woman around me are all having baby girls which breaks my heart (selffish) ever since i was a little girl myself i always wanted a baby girl ( at least there could be a grandbaby girl someday) anyhow i feel so selfish about this at least i was able to have babys, my heart breaks for those who couldnt, but why do some people have to be so stupid? that really hurt, on top of all that the other day (same friend) says to me while i was holding my baby niece, boy you could pass for a grandma with your long staggly hair and old fashioned dress! i would have ripped his head off but Delaney threw up on me! anyway i where this dress as i still cant fit into my jeans, i just came in the house and cryed i m only 34 yrs old but feel like im 95yrs old, sorry to ramble but i dont have any one besides my sister on this site to tell this to as i feel selfish,hurt, angry and really old! did i mention i also feel fat Sandy
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Unread 08-24-2001, 09:16 PM
people say some stupid things to you

Hi Sandy,

Why do people say such ridiculous things? Several reasons, one its not happening to them therefore they haven't a clue of what you are going through. Two, people do not take the 2 seconds it takes to actually THINK before they speak. Three, most folks do not realize that you are hurting.

Most folks are extremely uncomfortable around anyone who is not feeling well whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. It is much easier for them to avoid us or to make light of our situations. Plus we are super sensitive at this point too so everyone is an I sure have noticed a surplus of morons floating in my vicinity. LOL

Don't feel guilty for the way you feel. Whether you have children or not doesn't exclude you from being sad right now. If any of us want to look around we can see someone worse off than us. But don't deny yourself the time you need to heal. Your heart will mend with time but don't let anyone make you feel selfish or guilty for the way you feel. There is alot of emotional anguish connected to this surgery so allow yourself to work through it.

As always, we are ready to lend a shoulder at any time.

Hugs & Prayers,
Unread 08-28-2001, 11:23 AM
Hi Cats...

Yes, people do say dumb things. After my surgery I had someone ask {a man I work with} if I could still have sex. Guess he thought they sewed me shut. I almost told him no, but I figured his poor wife might need a hyst someday and I didn`t want to scare either of them.

I was flabberghasted that someone had the temerity to ask about my sex life when I had never discussed it with them before surgery. I guess your private matters become a source of curiosity after major surgery.

And I also had a few folks think I would be up to going to lunch and shopping 2 weeks after surgery. I could hardly walk or shower by myself at that point! They didn`t quite get the 'major surgery' and rest concept.

I hope you can just ignore the comments and do what is best for you. I was never able to have bio kidlets, either, and I also endured thoughtless comments about it. My sense of humor got me through alot, but the pain in my heart was heavy for quite awhile.

Wishing you a peaceful heart.


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Unread 08-29-2001, 09:37 AM
people say some stupid things to you

Oh Sandy, people can be so hurtful. I know the feeling, while I am struggling with am I stil a woman or not I seem to be surrounded by pregnant women. My best friend is pregnant and the same day I had surgery she came up the hospital and was gushing about her ultrasound she had that day. While I wanted to feel happy for her, I was unable to do so. I just felt like geesh can't she see this is not the time to be telling me all this. With the swelly belly thing stilll going on I am so sick of people asking how far along I am, even people who know I had the hyster tell me how I look pregnant am I sure I really had a hyster. Things won't be so raw as time goes on we just have to be patient. My husband has told me that at least now we can relax. He says he thinks of it as "they took out the baby bed and put in a play pen" it made me feel better. I will be thinking of you. Best of luck in your recovery!
Unread 09-10-2001, 05:47 AM
people say some stupid things to you

Dear Sandy,

I'm sorry you had to put up with those thoughtless comments. I'm sure those people truly care about you and can't imagine your inner struggle.

Is your hair straggly because it's drier now than before? My hair is drier since I've been taking an anti-estrogen drug, and I deal with it by not using shampoo on it everyday, but only every 3 days. The other days I just wash it with water. It helps a lot - the natural oils in my hair just don't seem to be there as much.

You will get past the heaviness, too, once you are able to exercise again :muscle: (but don't rush it!). Be patient. Love yourself. If you can manage to explain to any of those people around you without crying (I know how you feel), maybe you could ask them to stop making pregnant jokes.

Dawn, I got a kick out of your husband's comment. What a sweetie.

to you all
Unread 09-10-2001, 01:02 PM
thank you,

oh thank all of you ladies for the reply, im feeling better about the pregnant jokes i look at it like this, im here im alive with two wonderful boys, i do not have cancer. their are people so much less fortnant (spelling?) than me, so im getting passed this i feel so much better!! thank you----- sandy

P.S. my hair is shoulderlength spiral perm, not really dry but i wear it down at home my job requires it tired back, oh well so im a non child bearing old fat ladie at the age of 34 with straggly hair!

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