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Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared! Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

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  #1  
Unread 03-04-2009, 06:40 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

I just had my cervix, appendix, and a bunch of endo removed 6 days ago. I had a LSH and BSO back in May2008. I hafe been suffering with horrible pain for the past 23 years, ever since my menses started when I was 11 years old. I actually finally feel like this last surgery has helped me, my pain is almost gone now. Today I just started thinking about my life, and how much energy I have spent on dealing with my health. My husband and I were unable to have children (because of my endo), and I felt like I had come to peace with that. I find myself feeling so empty and lonely right now, we don't even have any pets (our apartment will not allow them). I feel like my life has meant nothing, like I haven't created anything or done anything special, partly because I am not a mom. Now I find that I feel so lost, what do I do now? I have spent so much time trying to get better, I never thought about what to do with my life when it finally happened. I will look for a counselor once I am able to drive to go see one. Right now all I want is a little support and your prayers. Right now I feel like I really need some help, thanks for listening.
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  #2  
Unread 03-04-2009, 07:41 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

Awww honey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Being a mom isn't the only thing that makes a person special. I bet your dh would disagree with you on that. Everyone in this world is special. You meant the world to your parents I would bet!! You have purpose. Please don't think otherwise ((Hugs)) I think seeing a counselor is a good idea, when you're able. Hang in there. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
  #3  
Unread 03-04-2009, 07:41 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

Buffy,

I am so sorry you are feeling like this.

Now, that being said, I do have one child. I STILL feel like you are saying " havent done anything special". For me, even though I have a child, I still FEEL something missing... I think it is the fact that a hyster is so FINAL. If that makes any sense??

With that, I AM trying to DO something. I just finished up my training to be an ombudsman for the State. I hope that can fill that spot I fill is missing.

You could start researching now. Start looking in to different programs that could fill that void. I used to volunteer at the Childrens Shelter before we moved. Each person has their own "warm" spots in their hearts. Mine is for the elderly.

Hopefully a counselor can help you through this time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

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  #4  
Unread 03-04-2009, 08:26 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

Buffy1,
I will be praying for you, I agree with the other woman that being a mother does not make who you are. The surgery is so final that we all grieve in one way or another .There is so much support on this site .I will be praying for comfort and peace for you .


  #5  
Unread 03-04-2009, 08:42 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

Oh my...I can only imagine how you are feeling. I do not have children either, but I have been "blessed" all my life with knowing I didn't want any. That's not to say I don't love children...I love other people's children (even the evil ones) just fine! So for me there was no sorrow with that loss. However, knowing that the decision was made for me was strange. This loss, along with the hormonal changes you are experiencing give you a double whammy. Please don't EVER feel you haven't contributed. You do not have to reproduce to contribute. You will find your niche, especially now that you are actually going to feel up to doing something you love. It will never take the place of having children when you truly wanted them, but you can be fulfilled. You can be happy, and you WILL be whole. Don't ever sell yourself short. Focus on getting well, and then worry about the rest. You will find the answers when it is time to receive them.

I hope you find some comfort and peace through your improved health. But you're in my prayers just the same.
  #6  
Unread 03-04-2009, 09:40 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

I just want to reach out and hug you....you have to give yourself time. And let yourself grieve. Let your body and soul heal. I can't say I know what your going through, because I don't but I do know pain. And if you want to have children, I pray you will find away to have them. You have fought a tough fight and you have won! Let yourself heal and then go out and find your passion. Sending you a big "Hug" to me you sound like an awesome person!
  #7  
Unread 03-04-2009, 09:52 PM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

Thank you so much for all the kind words and prayers ladies, it really helps. Hugs to you all!
  #8  
Unread 03-05-2009, 07:34 AM
Feeling better, now feeling empty and scared!

Hi Buffy,
When I read you're post I wished I could give you a hug. You have been through so much and your last surgery was only a few days ago. Remember your hysterectomy was in 08 but it is the vaginal cuff healing that keeps us down the longest. Give yourself a little more healing time before you start to beat yourself up.
Have you ever watched the movie Its A Wonderful Life? I suggest you do, it may give you a different perspective on yourself.
I will never know the sorrow of wanting but being unable to have children so I will not even try to say I understand. As a mother I can say children add a component to your life but they do not define all aspects of your personality. Many people have children and contribute very little to society as a whole, others without sometimes leave a much greater mark on the world.
I guess I'm trying to say please do not look at yourself as being less than a woman who has children. I wish I was better at expressing myself. Well, feel good soon.
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