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Unread 08-25-2001, 04:14 PM
Family matters

I live about 100 miles from my family, and about 500 miles from my inlaws. Most of the time this is a positive arrangement

While my MIL is aware of the "difficulties" I have been experiencing, we have avoided telling my own family. My mom had TAH at age 32 (cancer), radical mast at age 50, two additional lumpectomies and currently has secondary bone cancer. She's doing "ok" (as ok as can be expected that is). She has absolutely no business try to worry with me, I would prefer she never knew anything about it. She is easily confused and upset (treatment causing this).

I am not trying to hide my situation out of embarrassment, but I can't stand hovering and my mom is barely able to walk and should not be trying to deal with me. Our relationship is poor to begin with. I'm not sure I can "hide" this upcoming event, don't want to make things with my family worse, and don't want to add to my mom's already extensive worry list.

Any ideas?? Any "this is what I did" info?? Am I wrong by not "sharing" this info? I think no, not under the circumstances.
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Unread 08-25-2001, 04:35 PM
Family matters

If I were in your situation, I think this is how I would tell my Mom about my upcoming surgery. I would call her and after telling her the date of my surgery, I would probably say something like this. "Mom, I have already arranged for a friend to look in on me when dh isn't here. I've gotten the house in order and it's not necessary to come here to help. You have enough to worry about at home. I'll be sure to have someone call you as soon as I'm in the recovery room. Please don't worry about me". Anyway, this way no one could say you were hiding your surgery, but you can make it clear that you don't need your Mom to come to stay with you.

Good luck in whatever you decide.
Unread 08-26-2001, 08:28 AM
Family matters

Hi Nel!!

Firstly I wanted to say that I am so sorry for all your moms troubles. My mom had bone cancer as well, and I know its very hard to see someone we love in the pain that is associated with bone cancer.

I think Catherines idea is great! Your moms main concern will be that you are being looked after I am sure, and by assuring her that you have all the help you need, that will ease her mind.

You could also call her often and keep her updated on your recovery so she will know that you are doing well.

All the best to you and your mom Nel. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.


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