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6 weeks to go -husband problems 6 weeks to go -husband problems

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Unread 03-25-2009, 07:11 AM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

I've six weeks or so to go before my op, and am becoming more and more worried about the aftercare part of it.

Having marriage problems too for the last year or so, and muddling through, but things are not real good at the moment, so am very very stressed. I am also just recovering from a breast op, so that doesn't help either.

My husband is not particularly interested -when I mentioned I had worries about the op, he said *don't do it then - your choice* and thats it -not a great deal of dialogue. Certainly can't discuss cervix, moods, pros/cons etc with him!We are having big fights -threats to leave etc, and it is getting me down.

I'm sure the house and that will be kept in order, washing done etc but I just wonder how awful it wil be to not have any TLC from anyone other than my 18yr old son and 12yr old daughter I'm half considering cancelling the whole bloody thing.
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Unread 03-25-2009, 07:28 AM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

I am so sorry that you have to worry about this right now before your surgery. Having surgery is scary enough let alone to have to worry about all of this. Do you have other family or friends that could offer support? Just to come in to give you hand or even to keep you company? You have all of the support from the ladies on this site so please don't fee alone. I said to my DH yesterday we were talking and there is alot of posts from the ladies who are having problems with their DH and I said to him babe I just want to send you over with the other ladies to help them out and he said well if you do that who would look after you. I just can't understand how men can be like that when we need them the most. I know that they don't understand but they can offer some compassion when we are down. I wouldn't put off your surgery this is your health and how can you have a healthy lifestyle when your health is not good right now. I don't know what more to say other than please don't feel alone we are all going through similar experiences and issues and we all help the other one get back up when we are down.

Best of luck in whatever you decide and I hope that things get better.
Unread 03-25-2009, 09:05 AM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

Hi dragona

I'm sorry you don't feel you can count on your husband to take care of you. Despite what he's saying now, he may still come through for you after the surgery. If not, you should be fine with your kids.

My surgery was on a Friday and my husband returned to work on Monday. I have a 16-year old and two 14-year olds, and they took care of me quite well. Before they left for school, they would help me downstairs, make me breakfast, and make sure I had something simple to grab for lunch. There are women who go through recovering while living alone, so your recovery should be fine.

You may want to make sure you have a week's worth of meals prepared (or arrange for family and friends to bring food to you). Also, have some friends and neighbors lined up just in case you need someone to drive you to the doctor or pick up prescriptions or tea at the store.

It's very frustrating not to be able to rely on the one person you should be able to count on. Meanwhile, we're here. Be sure you have a computer close to your recovery area, and you'll be able to log on and get support and encouragement from us when you can't get it from your husband.

Meanwhile, your husband may very well come through for you.

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Unread 03-25-2009, 10:04 AM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

Im sorry you are going thru this.

Have you thought about couples therapy? Maybe your husband has fears and doesnt know how to open up to you about them. And by pushing you away is the only way he knows how to cope.

Good Luck, and I hope that whatever you decide to do works best for you and yours!!!!!
Unread 03-25-2009, 10:14 AM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

Fidgit - couples thereapy is not going to happen!This sort of crappy atmosphere has been going on for a year or so, not tied to my impending hysterectomy at all.

I know the recovery will be fine- I HAVE to recover, so I will recover, just that it all feels so daunting at the moment.

Actually, re -reading my post, and being reminded that of course there are women living alone who have to get through it, makes me feel a bit silly that I am even complaining about it! Just fed up, thats all, and maybe hubby will suddenly turn into loving, caring sort.....
Unread 03-25-2009, 10:24 AM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

Sorry for your troubles. I don't know why some men turn into such babies during these times. My SO was more supportive than yours, but I could tell he didn't want to discuss the pros and cons before surgery and really didn't have must to say to calm my fears. Maybe he was just at a loss of words. Anyway,my LSH-BSO was 3/20 and I am doing great. I am not sure which procedure you are having so I don't know how much care you will need afterwards. I had no pain and my SO was able to return to work on Monday. As long as food is easy to reach, I am able to care for myself during the day. Do not cancel your procedure unless absolutely necessary. You have come to far to turn back now. HUGS!!
Unread 03-25-2009, 01:40 PM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

Dragona, Im sorry therapy isnt an option. But you sound like a strong woman, and I have faith that you will do wonderfully. Just remember, don't let him stress you out or your recovery can take longer.

We are here for you.....And its not being silly to complain about a subject like this. We all would expect our partners to take care of us in our times of need!
Unread 03-25-2009, 07:36 PM
6 weeks to go -husband problems

Hi Dragona,
I am having a similiar issue with my husband. I believe he does care, BUT does not know how to show it. I have two teenaged boys 16 w/ADHD and 18 MRDD and a 4 year old girl to care for. I know the boys will help, but they cannot take care of the 4 year old. He told me he had heard I should be up in three days after returning from the hospital and should be able to do everything (care for kids, cook etc.) but he knew I would not be driving or lifting. I almost cancelled the surgery, but decided to go ahead with it and plan with friends and family to help when they can. I also decided to let my husband know exactly what I need and perhaps read some of the hystersisters stories. Hang in there! I will pray for you and your husband. He may surprise you and be there right when you need it!
Unread 03-26-2009, 05:37 PM
Re: 6 weeks to go -husband problems

Thanks for all your replies - I will NOT cancel the surgery, especially as my period has come today 7 weeks late, and I'm in loads of pain. this pesky yoot has got to go
Unread 03-28-2009, 10:11 AM
Re: 6 weeks to go -husband problems

And men call us the weaker sex?? I think NOT!!

I learned early on that either my SO was going to help, or not..... I'm 7 weeks out and even though I'm getting my strength back, there are still things I need help with. If he doesn't help and my 12 year old DD can't it just doesn't get done until I'm up to it!!

It's been said elsewhere but, "You only have one chance to heal right......"

We're here for you before and after and we're as close as a mouse click!!


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