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Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with?  (kids mention) Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids mention)

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  #1  
Unread 04-24-2009, 11:32 AM
Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids mention)

So my doctors office called yesterday to let me know that my surgery is scheduled for 5/21/09. I wish it was sooner.
I am sitting here thinking of all of the things that this is going to interfere with.
My sons last 2 weeks of school, a field trip, baseball games.
Not picking up my littlest one for 6 weeks. Having to inconvience my sisters and parents to help after my husband goes back to work.
I just feel like I have let everyone down and that this is going to do nothing but cause problems for everyone.
I didn't even tell anyone besides my husband when I went to my last doctors appt because I feel so guilty when everyone worries about it.
I am just so used to taking care of everyone and everything...I feel like I am going to be totally useless.
I was wanting to take my little ones to the zoo and the pool and etc...and now its going to be JULY before we can do any of that.....
I know these are silly things to be worried about - I just prefer to think about them vs. the actual surgery.

Sorry for the ramble, but thanks for listening.

Jessica (27)
LAVH scheduled 5/21/09
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  #2  
Unread 04-24-2009, 12:29 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

Jessica,

First off, you are not being silly. Don't ever think your feelings are something little.

Second off all you are not letting everyone down. How old is you little one. Can s/he sit beside you or can someone put him/her beside you so you can still have cuddle time (your body will let you know when you can handle this just be careful not to do it to early)

Third You will need to let your family know that you are having surgery
You will need help for a while.

As far as your your son, talk to him. I had to miss my Daughter and Son's last Band concert for the year. Be honest with him tell him in a way that he will understand about your surgery ( I don't know how old he is) I know you will not be able to do things with them outside of the house for a while But when this is over and you are feeling better it will make it more worth while. Is there any way you can take them to the Zoo before your surgery? Can you do something special with them and make it a before surgery celebration?

I know you are used to taking care of everyone else. Give them the chance to return the favor.

I hope this helps

Remember to smile.
  #3  
Unread 04-24-2009, 12:30 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

PS. You are anything but useless.
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  #4  
Unread 04-24-2009, 02:35 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

MauiChick -

Just this morning a I went to a book called "DailyOM inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day". I think about what I need to know for the day and randomly open the book.....today's topic..."Forgiving Yourself - Releasing Guilt". So here's a synopsis....guilt is supposed to be something you feel if you've done something wrong so that you can make amends and once you make amends you shouldn't feel guilty anymore. There is a line that guilt has become "a neurotic preoccupation rather than a fari assessment of misconduct followed by a course of action that leads to reparation." So here's the deal....you are sick, you need assistance, you didn't maliciously do this to yourself, you didn't maliciously impose on anyone (probably a bunch of people volunteered to help). Give yourself a break, be thankful you have people willing to help, put those emotions to use healing instead of beating yourself up. You aren't guilty of anything your inability to do some of these things is recuperation...you can't feel guilty about getting better and being able to do these things in July! It just won't be good for you.
  #5  
Unread 04-25-2009, 12:31 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

MauiChick I have the same feelings about the kids.....I have 3 of them 10, 8 and 6. My surgery is set for 5/11/09.

We live in a very rural town and I am the only way for them to get to school and back. We live a mile down a dirt road, the husband drives over 1 1/2 hr to work one way, can't take time off, we live on a ranch, have horses, dogs and what not. My parents live close by, but my mom is really no help (hate it say it, but she thinks more about herself and the burden it is going to cause her by me needing her, so no help from her). She has never been the nurture kind of mom we were on our own at the ranch from a very young age. So I wonder what is going to happen. The kids are out of school June 12th so I was almost thinking of having them go on independent study for the rest of the school year. I am still working on this one. It always seems that things work out so I am doing my best not to worry to much about it. God already has it figured out for me and I rest in that.

Wishing you luck, just wanted to let you know that someone else is out here with the same concerns and fears.......
  #6  
Unread 04-26-2009, 03:29 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

The trouble with being a woman is we are so used to multi tasking, thinking and planning for everyone around us and taking care of everyone else that we never have time for us.

I am not trying to ignore everyones very real concerns, just trying to put another spin on it.

I am sure if you look at a calendar for a whole year each one of us will find a reason not to have surgery at all as there will never be a good 6 week window that would mean we didn't miss an important event, milestone or cause inconvenience to any one else.

But sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture and look at how much better our lives will be without the problems these pesky organs are causing us and how much better we will be able to deal with everything once we are fully fit.

Also, we are the lucky ones who can plan for this surgery and make sure that we have things in place to make our recovery period easier on the whole family. For some, this is emergency surgery.
  #7  
Unread 04-26-2009, 03:58 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

You will never find a good time to have your surgery. I also had a terrible time picking a date. Your family will survive and your sisters and your parents will not feel inconvenienced. That's what family is for. Your first priority right now is YOU. All the other things you are worrying about will be taken care of and although it's not easy to be a patient you have to make peace with it- it will only help with your recovery. Good luck!
  #8  
Unread 04-26-2009, 04:55 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

MauiChick (Jessica),
First off are you 27? I saw it in your siggy, I am 27 also and have the same worries as you and the rest of the ladies on here.
My hubby and I have 3 kids ages 3,5 and 7. I also worry about missing so much stuff and being "useless". They had to recently move my surgery up by a week creating a bit of a challenge to get everything figured out. I thought alot about what I am missing ect but honestly with the problems that have led up to this surgery I realized that I have already missed out on a lot. This surgery will equl approx 6 more weeks of missing out and hopefully and lifetime of eeling good and not being intrupted by menstral type problems and pain every month.

Think of I t as you are making yourself better so you wont have to miss out on so much anymore. Dont let yourself feel guilty because after all you didnt ask for this to happen. You are important incredibly important to your family and if you arent happy they wont be.
If you have people who can help you I suggest telling them about this surgery now and asking for some help. Your a Mom but your not wonderwoman honestly you are going to need help and support.
  #9  
Unread 04-26-2009, 05:52 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

I felt the same too but I got over it!

Kids love to help if given the opportunity. My girls (9 & 11) love playing nurse to mommy. Yes, they've missed some activities but if you give them the chance to make you feel guilty...they will. They will survive missing out on some things but will gain a tremendous learning experience. In the beginning, we made my confinement to bed fun. They'd get their homework or books or a game and carefully hang out in our king size bed with me. One word of caution though...small children could easily hurt you by climbing or jostling you. But small children can be enlisted to bring things to you and help around the house. It's good for children, husbands, SOs and family to get out of their self-centered mode and pull together.

Now that I'm up & about more, they MISS hanging out with me in bed!

It's only for a short time in the grand scheme of things. The more you rest, heal and let yourself be nursed, the quicker you'll be back in action....and the better you will regain full vim and vigor. Give your family the opportunity to give back to you. Women sometimes fall into being long-suffering martyrs. Don't be selfish. Let others feel the warm-fuzzies that come from giving!

It's as good for them as you

  #10  
Unread 04-26-2009, 06:35 PM
Re: Am I the only one thinking of things this is going to interfere with? (kids ment

I don't have kids, and can't even imagine how hard that would be, but also have struggled with all the things I planned on getting done this summer. For me, my stuff is definitely non-essential, but had big plans in the garden, my husband and I were going to dig a pond and build a waterfall.

Crazy as it sounds, I have three cats, two are 9 month old kittens, and I really worry about my husband being able to take care of them the way I do!

I also normally go fishing at least once a week with my 69 year old father, and am going to miss the prime fishing time! He is already asking when I am going to be able to go, and I know that waiting until I am healed is going to be hard. But I have definitely gotten the message from this forum to make SURE and heal, as you only have one chance to heal right.


I have an amazing supportive husband, who is also furloughed from the railroad right now and isn't working. Plus, I am an only child and very close to my parents, will actually be staying with them the first couple of days so I don't even have to LOOK at my house and what needs to be done. I have so much support, I feel guilty sometimes, especially when I hear about people who have so much more responsibility and much less support - but it makes me feel even more grateful and thankful for all I have.

I guess what I am saying - be kind to yourself, give yourself a break, and take GOOD care of yourself. Your family needs you, and the best thing you can do is "pamper the princess" (I love that saying!) so you will be healthy and happy and be able to get on with doing the things you need and want to do when you are HEALED.

Only three days left to go for me - I have my pre-op testing tomorrow. I was really nervous and scared a week ago and thought I would get nothing done, and now I am just ready to do it! Support from everyone here helped so much!

Best of luck with your surgery and recovery, and be sure and get support from these wonderful women. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this website - it has truly made the last three weeks much less stressful. And I know I will be on as soon as I am able to access a computer to check out the post-op forum!
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