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Mother-in-law to be Mother-in-law to be

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Unread 06-05-2009, 08:11 AM
Mother-in-law to be

I'm going to be a mother-in-law in September when my son gets married. Any advice? It's hard giving up my son. His new bride-to-be is very possessive of him. Your advice is appreciated.
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Unread 06-06-2009, 05:19 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

I would say be kind and open minded. Welcome her with open arms. Don't be judgemental. You may need to let some things go. I say this from one who was on the receiving end of a mil who didn't want to let go.

I had problems with my mil when dh and I first met. Talking with her years later she felt that I was stealing her son from her, which of course was not my intentions. It was just that her son was growing up and making his way in life. Once we cleared the air and she cut those apron strings things have been much better.
Unread 06-06-2009, 05:32 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

The best way to support your Son after he is married is to support his marriage relationship. One doesn't even have to like whom their children marry, and often don't, courtesy and respect is enough.
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Unread 06-06-2009, 05:48 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

Thank you Kim. I need to hear your kind of info. I do feel like she is stealing him at times and has no reguard for our family. I just didn't think it would be like this, our family was always so close before she came along. But, yes, you are right, I think part of it is that my son is growing up and wanting to "be a man" away from mom. That's a good thing! I appreciate your input, it helps me to see thing from another perspective.
Unread 06-06-2009, 05:55 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

(((kjdc))) Another to keep in mind is that families are different. While I know my family loves me, we don't always keep in touch. Not necessarily a good thing, but that is just the way we are. We still love each other, just don't talk on a daily basis. My mil got mad at me because I don't call her. I am just not a phone person, as I said, don't even call my family as often as I should. Her son still calls her, just not me.
Get to know who she is, don't try and make her into who you want her to be.

I forgot to give best wishes to your son on his upcoming wedding. I hope all goes well.
Unread 06-06-2009, 10:56 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

Thanks again Kim. I'm glad you brought that up because she is not close to her family, although I know she does love them. Our family was always been so close, that I just figured that when my son brought a girl home, she would just fit right in to our "close, happy family" and become one of us. I think I felt that way because of the old saying "You're not losing a son, you're gaining a daughter." That hasn't happened and I'm not sure it will. Well, I am going to remember what you said about getting to know who she is, and not who I want her to be. I think I may have had too many ideas of what this was "suppose to be like" and I need to let go of the "suppose to" and appreciate what I actually do have here. Thank you for your congratulations. I appreciate you!
Unread 06-08-2009, 05:58 AM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

Hugs to you.

I know how you feel, I became a mum-in-law 2 years ago. S'times I feel like she's the mum-in-law and I'm the d-in-law!!
Anyhow I go along with kill 'em w/kindness, less is more- eg phone less etc, respect and listen to what they are saying- especially him- he's your son after all. I would say give them space to be a couple, let them make their own decisions and only give advice when asked.

Yes it is difficult. Yes we miss our kids. But we are the adults and they are not our property!
In the UK there is a saying- 'Have 'em and love 'em and let 'em go' .

If you can get hold of a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, you'll find it's a useful book on giving clues about how to deal w/ALL men in our lives, not just SOs.

She probably feels very nervous and insecure.

Congratulations and enjoy all the wedding celebrations!
Unread 06-08-2009, 11:28 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

Thank you moutainwoman 2! That is also good advice about courtesy and respect even if I don't like her 100%. I think that is all anybody wants. I appreciate your input, it helps me to get my focus right.
Unread 06-08-2009, 11:38 PM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

Hi flowerinthesun. I like your advice too. You are right about showing kindness and giving them space. It is hard at times, especially if we disagree about something, so I think I will need some practice and hopefully this will get better as time goes on. I think my son's fiancee does feel nervous and insecure and I need to remember that too. I plan on reading the book you suggested, it sounds like a good one!
Unread 06-09-2009, 05:18 AM
Re: Mother-in-law to be

Hi kjdc! Good luck! Hope everything goes well for you ALL!
BTW get yourself some lovely lovely clothes for the wedding celebs! Concentrate on YOU and this new phase in your life! Try and capture the positive in everything!

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