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Friend's Daughter Friend's Daughter

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Unread 08-22-2009, 05:10 PM
Friend's Daughter

My friend who is a single mother has 3 children. Two girl's 18 and 15 and a son who is 8. Now they are all a handful but this question is about her 18 year old daughter. I hope someone might be able to offer some advice that I haven't thought of.

Her daughter who is finished school (dropped out) REFUSES to look for a job, she does work 2 hours a week, and complains that her mother asks her for money for her upkeep. Now here in Australia you can get help if you are out of work but that also requires you to join a job agency and attend their on a regular basis which she will not do. She does not help around the house, uses her mothers car and just expect's to get whatever she needs or wants. I have even tried to get her a job.........but to no avil.

What would you do in this sutuation?

My friend always complain's about this but, does nothing. There is only so much advice we can give her..............

Hope that someone can help. Thank's. Kay

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Unread 08-22-2009, 05:19 PM
Re: Friend's Daughter

Wow! I'm afraid your friend needs to use some tough love which I guess she does not do easily. If it were my daughter I would give no money and no car until she starts to take some responsibility for her life. This girl needs to be either going to school or get a job... end of story.

It is hard to teach an 18 year old these consequences if they have not been brought up with them...

Being a friend is sometimes hard....

Best of luck. By the way I am a mom of 3 aged 22,20 and 15.
Unread 08-23-2009, 12:11 AM
Re: Friend's Daughter

Aussie, I am sorry your friend (and you) are in this situation and I know you are trying to be supportive to your friend.

It seems that momma has let dd (maybe all 3 kids) 'run the house' for too long and if she really wants it to stop - she needs to get a backbone (no offense intended) and stand up. As we all know, parenting is a long, difficult job and sometimes it is easier at the moment to 'give in' but down the road. . . .

I also know "tough love" is hard (maybe harder on the parent because you really love you child, therefore want the best for them and guilt hangs over your head); but it is necessary in many situations. IF your friend REALLY is tired of her situation - then she needs to tell dd "it's a job or back to school." And if dd doesn't want to do either, momma needs to make dd get out of the house. (In US, 18 is age of 'adulthood' therefore parents are no longer required to support their child - unless they want to - ie. college). And, not give in if conditions are not met.

And mom needs to realize the example this has set before the other 2 kids. If she doesn't do something now - they may/will follow same behavior. Then she will have all 3 to complain about.

Wishing the best for all involved.

[PS. I had to tell our oldest ds to 'get out' when he was 18 and wouldn't follow house rules any longer. I couldn't trust him anymore and I had the younger kids to take care of. No I am not a single mom, but DH traveled 90% of the time back then.]
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Unread 08-23-2009, 11:11 AM
Re: Friend's Daughter

That is my biggest fear that some of these kids think it is fine to do nothing. She either needs to get a job & contribute to the household or the mother needs to ask her to leave. How is she ever going to contribute to society if she thinks it is fine to not go to school or work a job? It does sound like she will have to do the tough love. But in the end that will be for the best so the girl can take care of herself. Best wishes.
Unread 02-22-2010, 04:20 PM
Re: Friend's Daughter

Well a update.......the 18 year old has left home, living with her boyfriend but still no job but she is looking for work. I think she is starting to grow up.
The 15 year old is now the major handful, she does what she wants when she wants.....but I do think that mum needs to take same of the blame because of the way that she has brought them up. Now the just turned 9 year old.......well he will be the biggest problem!
It dosen't matter how much advice she gets, it's like she dosen't take anything on board. And if I happen to mention at times that I'm having a hard time with my kids.....she'll always tell me she has it worse. So sometimes I wonder why I bother but she's a friend....and that's what we do! Kay


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