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I am so mad!! I am so mad!!

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  #11  
Unread 10-25-2009, 06:34 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

I'm sorry your boyfriend has no sympathy for you. I had a TAH 10/08 and in the crazy way I've been feeling I would have gotten on the electric cart and ran his behind over!!! You know what your limitations are and don't push it past that just to make him not embarrassed!!
You hang in there!!
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  #12  
Unread 10-25-2009, 07:15 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

I wouldn't have survived the ordeal of the past two months had it not been for the love and support of my husband. On the other hand I did have a couple friends who let me down when I needed them the most. It was an eye opening experience. I'm in the process of "cleaning house" and they are no longer my friends. Why would I want anyone in my life who doesn't make me feel good? I don't know if you were just having a bad moment when you posted on this site, or if your boyfriend truly is as incensitive as you described. Dear Abby once wrote that the true question to ask yourself is if you are better off with or without him. My husband kept telling me I was beautiful when I was in the hospital and he meant it even though I looked like something that crawled out from under rock. If your boyfriend is "ashamed" of you because you are simply using a cart in a store, you should probably ask yourself if you are in a healthy relationship. I hope you are because you have enough on your plate right now!
  #13  
Unread 10-25-2009, 07:41 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

Wow...what a winner. I'm hoping that it was because you were weak from the surgery that you put with that idiocracy. Maybe not though, cause he learned how to treat you this way from someone, and we usually treat people how to treat us. You have the power in your hands. Either stand up for yourself and change the dynamics in your relationship or just go outside and pick a random stranger off the street to be your man. You'd have better odds of him acting like a human being. Hang in there and PLEASE be good to yourself. Cling to anyone around you who treats you with dignity and respect. By the way, he is not the one who will have to live with a possible lifetime of pain from adhesions from overdoing (and you don't know you have those sometimes until years later...so don't think if you don't die of pain at night that you're not creating them.)

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  #14  
Unread 10-25-2009, 09:14 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

Why are you putting up with someone like that in your life that treats you so bad? You are responsible for getting yourself healed up & at the rate your going I am very afraid for you. I think I would find someone who treated me nice & try to be a little patient with your healing. I am worried about you.
  #15  
Unread 10-25-2009, 10:41 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

3 weeks post-op TAH
I have been with the same man for 20 years which means life had gotten to the point where we basically took each other for granted. Leading up to the surgery he read everything I suggested so that he was as informed as I. On the day of my surgery he refused to leave my side for 12 hours until my mother came to relieve him despite my begging him to go home and get some much needed rest. He visited me every day, came in at 6 am prior to work to handle a problem I was having with the nurses and medication they were refusing me for acid reflux. Upon my release from the castle he took a week off of work, half of it without pay to ensure I was well cared for during my early recovery. He refused to go back to work when I assured him I felt strong enough to get through a day or two by myself so that he didn't miss too much work. He is cooking, cleaning and taking care of MY 5 dogs. For weeks now he has met MY NEEDS and DESIRES before I even knew I wanted something. He has held me during crying spells and has shown more affection in the last 3 weeks then I have seen in years. He has been exactly what I need to help me get through this. He has been my rock! We have both had a wake up call and we no longer take each other for granted. My point of this to you is to suggest that you reflect on your boyfriends actions and ask yourself some tough questions...has this man been there for you when you most need him?... What would it take for him to have a wake up call?...Will he ever be there for you when you need him most...do you want to spend the next twenty years with this man?
Only you can decide what qualities are important to you in a boyfriend, lover, lifelong mate.
  #16  
Unread 10-26-2009, 08:32 AM
Re: I am so mad!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by JVL View Post
3 weeks post-op TAH
I have been with the same man for 20 years which means life had gotten to the point where we basically took each other for granted. Leading up to the surgery he read everything I suggested so that he was as informed as I. On the day of my surgery he refused to leave my side for 12 hours until my mother came to relieve him despite my begging him to go home and get some much needed rest. He visited me every day, came in at 6 am prior to work to handle a problem I was having with the nurses and medication they were refusing me for acid reflux. Upon my release from the castle he took a week off of work, half of it without pay to ensure I was well cared for during my early recovery. He refused to go back to work when I assured him I felt strong enough to get through a day or two by myself so that he didn't miss too much work. He is cooking, cleaning and taking care of MY 5 dogs. For weeks now he has met MY NEEDS and DESIRES before I even knew I wanted something. He has held me during crying spells and has shown more affection in the last 3 weeks then I have seen in years. He has been exactly what I need to help me get through this. He has been my rock! We have both had a wake up call and we no longer take each other for granted. My point of this to you is to suggest that you reflect on your boyfriends actions and ask yourself some tough questions...has this man been there for you when you most need him?... What would it take for him to have a wake up call?...Will he ever be there for you when you need him most...do you want to spend the next twenty years with this man?
Only you can decide what qualities are important to you in a boyfriend, lover, lifelong mate.
Put with a kind and gentle approach...this is a very wise and helpful post (if listened to.)
  #17  
Unread 10-26-2009, 10:47 AM
Re: I am so mad!!

Vireo-

You must love him, or you wouldn't be with him, so I am certainly not going to tell you to leave. I will tell you to take a stand when it comes to your needs, though. If he isn't going to look out for you, you MUST!

You need to ride the electric cart in the store. No giving in on that one for two more weeks, got it? You also cannot lift more than a gallon of milk for 4 weeks post op. Just don't do it! If he won't do it, store people will help. Heck, if you are in the same aisle as me, ask and I'll lift if for you!

Think about the help you need and care enough about yourself to get it.
  #18  
Unread 10-26-2009, 12:35 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

Vireo, please let us hear from you to let us know how you are doing! We are all thinking about you and pulling for you!
  #19  
Unread 10-27-2009, 01:01 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

Hi Ladies. Thank you for your words of support and wisdom.

I drove myself to the store yesterday (only 4-5 blocks, very small town). I decided that if he's ashamed of me when I am not strong enough to meet his specifications, I simply won't go to the store with him. I took my 14 yo son and he pushed the cart for me, put the milk in the cart, and after the groceries were paid for, he carried 3 bags of groceries and 2 gallons of milk to the car by himself, insisted on carrying it all!!! Such a good kid. When I got tired I just stopped and leaned against a shelf until I felt better. If I have to go by myself, I'll ride the electric cart.

The thing is that I am a college student with limited income (work study) and I have 6 kids, although 4 of them are with their dad half time. I moved out a few months ago and when I came back, he said we would do counseling, that he would not act that way anymore, etc. Now things are getting toxic again. The day began with him yelling at me to get the kids up and dressed for school, which I did. They are good about helping even though they're just kids. Then he was saying nasty things about not wanting my 3 yo son to come back at all (he's at his dad's house while I recover b/c I can't lift him or chase him, and I had the nerve to say that I miss him) because in his mind, I don't watch the child every second of the day like a hawk. The 16yo said something about BF not wanting the 3yo back b/c he looks like his dad (bf has said this before), and BF exploded, snapped a broom in half, and screamed at the 16 yo to get out of the house and that I need to leave to if I won't make the 16 yo go.

I don't think this is good for my kids at all. I feel like I love him sometimes, but more than anything, I am stressed at always trying to protect whoever he's mad at and intervene. I'll have to find the low income housing forms I had before and start filling them out.....

And, he got mad at me for researching cervical cancer this morning, said I just want to be sick. No, I want to be informed and the path report hasn't come back.... :-/
  #20  
Unread 10-27-2009, 02:41 PM
Re: I am so mad!!

Vireo,

My heart goes out to you right now. I have had my own painful experiences with a guy who did not treat me as I should have been and who started out bullying me around just as your guy does. I also felt stressed out trying to keep him from getting too angry and intervening on his behalf when he crossed a line with one of my friends or family members. It isn't worth it. Thank God he saw me out of that situation and years later into the true loving arms of my husband.

I am praying for you sister... that God help you find safety, peace of mind and support during such a time as this, for you and your children. Right now you deserve to be taken care of, respected and considered! Just remember that there are people out there who are concerned for you, and your healing which is so crucial right now.

Please continue to let us know how you are doing and also if there is anything one of us can do to help... This is what this site is for!

-K
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