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Sexual Desire - Total Scheduled Dec 8 Sexual Desire - Total Scheduled Dec 8

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Unread 11-08-2009, 12:35 PM
Sexual Desire - Total Scheduled Dec 8

Hi - This might be long but I need some advice/support or maybe a punch in the head.

I am 41 yrs old and having a full hysteroctomy on December 8th. A little history on my surgery back ground. I was diagnosed with Endiometriosis about 4 years ago. I have had issues with my cycles since I was a teen. Every doctor told me that the pain was in my head until I met Dr Pete. He did a lap to remove cysts on my ovaries and found stage 3 endio. I have had 4 laps, 2 D&C's and an Endio Ablasion in the past 4 years. During the past 2 years my sexual desire has ceased to exist. Partially because of the pain I think but the other is I really have no desire. I started to have night sweats about 6 months ago and I have been told that I have low overian reserve so my guess is I am pre-menapausal. My husband has been great up until the last 8 months. And today on our way to take my stepchildren to chucky cheese told me that he can't live his life the way it has been (meaning sex life). How am I suppose to answer that? I am facing the most scariest surgery of my life and he is expecting everything to be hunky dorey afterwards. Has anyones sex life improved after their hysteroctomy? I have been told that because they are taking the cervix that they will be taking the nerve endings with makes you feel good. I don't know what to say or how to talk to my husband. How am I suppose to respond to the comment that I can't continue to live my life the way it has been. I have never felt so much pressure in my entire life. Maybe it is just me. Right now I don't even know if I want him at the surgery. I know that sounds horrible but I would rather have my best friend who will be supportive and understanding rather than a husand who's only concern seems to be will sex be more frequent and better.
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Unread 11-08-2009, 02:25 PM
Re: Sexual Desire - Total Scheduled Dec 8

Hi. I'm sorry you are struggling so much with this issue but I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone. If you haven't had a chance to, please go to the online articles on sexual issues after hysterectomy:

There is a lot to deal with pre-hyst; your fears about surgery, recovery, pain, hormonal changes, the "you" that will be after the surgery, etc. And then there are the other people in our lives who will be affected by it. It's just a lot. I found that, although my husband was very supportive, I needed other people for different kinds of support. I met a few women before surgery who had had hysterectomies and I leaned on them for the kind of womanly support I needed. I didn't find this site until the night before surgery but was fortunate that it was a night that a Pre-op chat was happening and it helped me so much.

Right now is the time for you to focus on getting through this surgery and recovery. You can't and won't figure eveything out and the stress you are under could cause you to make decisions you wouldn't have otherwise made. Just take one day at a time, one moment at a time doing what seems best.

I hope that you find a way to work this out with your husband and I'm glad you have a best friend to lean on during this time.

The women on this site are amazing and supportive and you will find lots of comfort here!

Best wishes to you!
Unread 11-08-2009, 09:29 PM
Re: Sexual Desire - Total Scheduled Dec 8

My mom once told me one of the main ways men feel emotionally close and safe to be vulnerable with a woman is through sex. I'm sure you're aware of all that stuff. ;-) It just made me remember it. If he hasn't had it for a long time, it may be getting to him. That doesn't mean that's your fault. SOunds like possibly some therapy could help you guys get through this.

Your sex life will probably be better when you're healed (which will take at least 6 weeks at the very minimum, as far as sex is concerned.) DH and I were given the go ahead by the doc. to do other things at 4 weeks. But even though you will probably have a lot more sexual desire once you get your hormonal therapy straight, that will take a while to get it just right. So you have some time ahead of you, unfortunately.

Hopefully you guys can let the other aspects of your relationship keep you strong and get you through this. Remember to communicate to him what you need.

What I noticed going through this with my dh (who is normally a very giving husband) was that I needed to spell out my needs to him. The more freaked out he was about my surgery the further away he would pull. So we both agreed to put our guards down and try to see things form the other person's point of view. True test of marriage, don't you think? ;-)

Take care of yourself,

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Unread 11-09-2009, 09:14 PM
Re: Sexual Desire - Total Scheduled Dec 8

wingnt68 -- giving your DH the benefit of the doubt and his actions are out of emotional frustration, not understanding what to do, say, what will happen next as much as it is out of sexual frustration, check out the Dear Honey forum as well. You might find some things there to print out and give to him that will help both of you.

Good luck!

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