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Unread 11-09-2009, 04:14 PM
my family

the worst part for me is my family. My husband who everytime I start to say anything about it changes the subject. I know his concerns are whats for dinner, do you have enough sick time, and when can we have sex.
my daughter who has had 2 horrible csections and the same types of pain through her period as I have says she will never do that. and my daughter in law who is ticked because I hadn't discussed it with her. my son I have not heard from and I have called him twice today cause its his birthday...hes 32.I'm ok with my decision. make the pain stop that I have had for more than 30 yrs...I have adeno and fibroids. right now I am 3 weeks out to surgery, have a lot to prepare for, dinners laundry cleaning cats and dogs to care for. BUt this is my time and I want to be pain free....I just needed to vent. this is a great place to learn. thanks for the support
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Unread 11-09-2009, 05:11 PM
Re: my family

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how family members can be so hurtful. This is a major decision as is, and to have family members being this way, well, I just don't get it. I was so lucky to have the support of my entire family (and my employer).
You just have to realize this is for you. You are the one suffering and if they have to fend for themselves for a few days, then so be it. And if they are "mad" at you for taking care of yourself, then so be it, as well. They are not making it any easier on you.
Given the ages of your children, I would assume there are no more children in the plans. My children are grown as well. Therefore, my thinking is, it hurts, I don't need it, get rid of it. But then that's just my opinion. I don't see how this affects any one of your children (including DIL).
I don't mean to vent back to you, but selfishness really grates on my nerves.
Good luck with your surgery. You can't believe how GREAT you will feel when it is all done.
Unread 11-09-2009, 05:20 PM
Re: my family

You need to put yourself first. Sometimes people are just so insensitive. I have been pretty lucky but occasionally I get an idiot. I realized pretty fast that I needed to put myself first and not listen to other people who didn't think I needed it and/or wouldn't do it themselves. I had a co-worker who told me a few days before surgery that she would rather be shot than have the surgery!! I told her she could make her own choice. I think we have to stand up for ourselves and allow ourselves to put us number one. Hopefully your family will begin to help support you. I know all of us on here are definitely supporting you and your decision. Good luck with all you are dealing with.
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Unread 11-09-2009, 05:26 PM
Re: my family

Everyone is sometimes wrapped up in their own life to be compassionate and we need to remind them (hopefully not with a smack upside the head. lol) If you try to do that and still don't get the support you need, come here, sista! We will be here for you. ;-) It may not be the same, but we will support you as best we can. Also, even if you have to ask for it or get grief for asking, ask for help from them! It's hard sometimes when family isn't especially supportive, because it's hurtful and embarassing to ask for help from someone acting like that. But don't ruin your chance for healing just becausse they may fall short.

Unread 11-09-2009, 05:50 PM
Re: my family

this site is better than my family. My DIL calls me and yells after she has had her kids...I don't want to get into details I have lost a few grandkids to a genetic disorder. her last vent to me was "have you distanced yourself from us" no honey I work. I have a life, she takes out her post partum on me. my husband buries his head he did that when his dad was dying. I need to do this, I can't live with the pain anymore. I have wonderful coworkers-one who just had a hysto and she told me all about it. if my coworkers were my family it would be better. I have always joked that I have alienated my family-meaning my brothers cousins whathave you. but I have always made a point of over doing it with my kids and husband. I need to stop and make time for myself. which is what I intend on doing this time. thank you everyone, we all need a place to vent!!
Unread 11-10-2009, 01:58 PM
Re: my family


I am sorry that your not getting the kind of support you need right now. My family was
distant emotionally too. And I have 4 grown daughters, who I thought would be there for emotional support. Guess they couldn't get past the fact that I was "Mom" who does for everyone else and puts my own needs aside!

Hopefully, your family will come around to give you some support. Sometimes the dh's are scared and don't know what to expect, so they react in different ways, some ignore the subject,
some come back with quick remarks of "You'll be fine". I understand that it can make you feel alone in the whole process.

Ask questions and vent here if need be, we're all here for you!

Unread 11-10-2009, 05:33 PM
Re: my family

I hope your families come through. It is tough to not have support. We will be here for you to support you. I think we have all gone through this. Try to stay positive and just think of the benefits.
Unread 11-10-2009, 05:58 PM
Re: my family

thanks sisters..
I found out tonite that my dh wasn't paying attention when I was in emergency last weekend. we were watching the news and they were talking about lung cancer. the dr that took care of me in the ER said they found a cyst on my lung, I have asthma and lung cancer runs in my family that scares me more than any gyno issue. but he didn't even hear that.
he is so distant. I wouldn't be that way. I have been with him to the ER more times than I can count. and yeah I thought my daughter would be more understanding. no not so much. I'm in this alone pretty much except for my support here and at work. I think we as women do too much for our kids and husbands. so our fault. but I have to do this. for me. I can't wait to be pain free its been too long. thanks everyone.
Unread 11-10-2009, 05:59 PM
Re: my family

Holly - be sure to check out the "Dear Honey" forum (there's a box at the bottom of this page called 'forum jump'). Great place to write the letter you never send ... and you may find someone else has posted something you would like to send to your family.

Good luck with the family and getting them to understand that your Super Woman cape is coming off, at least temporarily.

Be good to yourself ... you deserve it, regardless of uterus issues.

Hang in there!
Unread 11-10-2009, 11:46 PM
Re: my family

I don't think the men in our lives know what to say or do. Mine just asked me tonight if I thought he needed to stay home the day after my surgery, which should have me in the hospital that day, but I really plan on going home.
I think once all is said and done and every thing is back to normal (whatever normal is...) they will all settle down. I think our families tend to get a little more scared than we are.

I hope all goes well for you! I see our surgery dates are the same... you can always come hang out with me for your recovery.



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