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Need husband help! Need husband help!

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Unread 11-19-2009, 12:04 PM
Need husband help!

Good Day Ladies

I have a big problem. My DH and I have been married for 13 years and we have two great kids. i have a bunch of fibroids and heavy periods and I have needed a TAH for two years. I am finally ready to do it, but my DH is worried about the cost. A little background... we own and operate a small contracting business. i have been working this business for 16 years. my DH is an expert in our field and in spite of the economy we are making it, but we do owe some back taxes. He is convinced ( he is a glass half empty type of guy) that if I have this done it will put us out of business. I know that this is not the case, but I need him to be okay with it before I go through with it. it is our slow time, and we have good insurance (for now) and I would like to have this done now in case we lose our insurance. he wants us to pay the back taxes first. so if I wait, that will put us in the busy season, and who knows how long we'll be able to make those huge health insurance payments, and i'm thinking why do we even pay health insurance if we decline services when we need them? we have a $2000 maximun out of pocket, so I see this as a no brainer of a choice, plus I'll make payments on the balance when the bill comes. I am so annoyed about this I just want to smack him! of course we've always had his stuff done, so I'm feeling bad about this. i know he loves me, but he is being a jerk about this. Can someone provide some words of encouragment?

Thank you and hugs to all,

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Unread 11-19-2009, 12:39 PM
Re: Need husband help!


I am not married nor am I dating anyone so I did not have to deal with any of this. Nor do I own my own business. I also have great insurance where I had to pay NOTHING for my surgery but even if I had to pay the $2000 I would do it. It is your health (it took me 16 years to realize that I come first)!!! I know where I had my surgery (it was at a University hospital) that they have a way you can set up a payment plan. I know at the time of surgery there would have been no way I could have paid the $2000 up front but call the business office of the hospital and see what can be set up. It is worth a try.

Good luck. You could always give him a swift kick in the butt, maybe he will realize that you NEED this surgery.
Unread 11-19-2009, 12:51 PM
Re: Need husband help!

I wouldn't care if it cost $10,000 at this point. That is what VISA is for. You might as well do it now while your business is slow and you have insurance that will cover most of it.

It is better to pay $2,000 now than 20,000 or more later if you have no insurance.

As far as the back taxes go, I think the IRS even accepts VISA now. It will save you a lot of penalties and interest to pay them off, so I can kind of see his point (NOT that I am siding with him). See if you can get one of those zero percent for a year cards and pay for it all. Otherwise, get your surgery and worry about the IRS later.
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Unread 11-19-2009, 02:04 PM
Re: Need husband help!

Ask him how the business is going to run when you fall out in the floor from low blood count.
Unread 11-19-2009, 02:11 PM
Re: Need husband help!

Didn't realise how different it is to the uk, I an from England and while I went private for my operation here we don't have to worry about healthcare. Don't put it off though as I waited 5 years and ended up with worse issues and an op that lasted six and a half hours so get it done now.

Even though I am only 5 weeks on it was the best thing and in a couple of months I will start to feel much better if the posts are anything to go by

Unread 11-19-2009, 02:55 PM
Re: Need husband help!

I also waited too long to have the surgery. I was told in 2004 I needed it and I had several surgeries to try and avoid it. I ended up with a lot more issues that have plagued me since then and what should have been a 2 hour LAVH surgery turned into a 6 hour TAH. It isnt worth the wait.

Btw, the doctor I wanted to do my surgery didnt accept my insurance nor did the hospital and I was told it would cost, up front, $1,700 for the doctor and an $8,000 depoist on the surgery and that was for the LAVH and only one night in the hospital. The total bills for my surgery and stay at the hospital is around $28,000. Not that yours would be that high but if you wait and have to pay out of pocket or have no insurance and have an emergency hysterctomy from a complication then you are talking 10x the amount. I ended up having to switch doctors and hospitals but it turned out for the best. Although I would have paid the $28,000 to feel as good as I do now at 7 weeks post op, better then I have in 10 years!

Also, how would you having surgery cost you the business? Do you run the office? Can you find someone, a friend or family memeber, who can take over your duties or help you out for a few weeks?

Good luck to you and tell your DH that waiting any longer just isnt a viable option.
Unread 11-19-2009, 03:02 PM
Re: Need husband help!

I'm not married, but if you have good insurance, then it might be to your advange - and hubby's - to get this done now. There is a bit of uncertainty about what is going on in Congress right now, differing views and a lot of confusion on whether the outcome will be good or bad, what will be covered and what will not, so why take chances? You're paying the insurance premiums -- might as well use it.

Almost all doctors and hospitals are willing to work out a payment plan with their patients -- speak to your doctor about this. He may be able to help reassure your husband. If you do go with a payment plan, you should be able to make payments simulaneously on the back taxes as well.
Unread 11-19-2009, 04:06 PM
Re: Need husband help!

Originally Posted by coastlandscape View Post
Can someone provide some words of encouragment?

Thank you and hugs to all,

First of all, hugs right back to ya, Sarah!

Yeah... money... this economy... *bleh*! I think it's on everybody's mind. As far as your hubby goes, why don't you call the hospital & see if they can give you an estimate on the total cost that a surgery like yours would entail? I'll bet that comparing that total cost to your deductible or total out-of-pocket might make your hubby jump at the opportunity to take the lesser amt. And your total out-of-pocket will be thou$and$ less than the cost of your surgery... I can almost guarantee.

Maybe that might work? Also, is there any family members that can promise to help you with the deductible, if for some reason the business gets into trouble? That way maybe your hubby might be at ease more, knowing that if the business starts getting into financial difficulty, at least the outstanding hospital bill won't be a contributing issue.

Just some thoughts. Take good care! I'll be !
Unread 11-19-2009, 05:01 PM
Re: Need husband help!


Thank You , Thank You, Thank You!!! I was happy to have found you when I began researching this as it became real for me. I think this is the last big hurdle before I can schedule things and get it done. Last night I spoke with my DH and made all of my points-but he was so stubborn! I hope I got through to him; I bet what will happen is that he will give me his blessing for my birthday and Christmas that are coming up. Nice present (??)

I already feel better having heard from you and read your stories. I will post when something new happens!

Unread 11-19-2009, 05:49 PM
Re: Need husband help!

Wonderful, Sarah!! Be sure to let us know how everything works out for you.

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