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Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex! Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

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  #1  
Unread 12-02-2009, 09:15 PM
Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

I had a TAH early October. I still havent had sex yet... I just dont want to...I am not fearful...I dont think it will hurt...but I just plain dont want to! My Mom says I am way too young to be feeling this way...but I have no interest. My estrogen levels were really low, and I have just been switched from the patch to pills. I dont know if that has anything to do with it or not. I havent discussed it w/ my Doctor b/c he says sex doesnt change after a hyster.....funny I didnt know Men had hysters...but he has I guess! LOL.
Plus...I have a cuff....so , I know this is gross...but where does the semen go? Plus....can my DH feel the cuff? Is my vagina shorter? I have a coworker that had a hyster and has the cuff..and she says its different and it all just falls out of you? I am just totally turned off by the idea of sex....
I just need to know this is normal. I know that just 3 weeks after my surgery I wanted sex bad....and I didnt b/c it was too early...but now..that I am cleared. I just dont want it! I told my husband I would just lay there and pretend to like it, if he wanted it that bad. He is being very loving and is not pressuring me at all....but any insite would be great! Thanks!
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  #2  
Unread 12-02-2009, 09:34 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

Hun please talk to a new doc then. Find a female doc that you can actually talk to. And maybe I can answer some questions for you (I am in no way a Medical Professional just telling you my opinion about things I have read) Ok first, yes low estrogen levels can mess with your libido, 2nd I dont know about the cuff as I dont have one, 3rd the semen will just come back about again (yeah kinda gross but it did before you a had a hyster, it will just be a little more now) I have read from other women that their vaginas are not any shorter. You might want to try just being a little intimate with him that might change your mind. Just start out with a nice date (you dont actually have to go anywhere just make a nice dinner just for the two of you) maybe get a movie, and start off with a cuddle, and maybe a little making out. Like when you first started dating. Even if you feel as if you are not interested its amazing what can happen when you start off pretending, you might just surprize yourself. And dont, I repeat dont tell your husband that you are pretending. Maybe ask him to give you a foot rub after you have soaked your feet in a small foot bath. There are some great spots on our feet that help us get into the mood for things *wink, wink*
I hope I have helped at least a little bit. I am not trying to be a miss know it all, I am just speaking from experience
Keep in touch and let us know how things are going. Oh yeah and dont forget to get yourself a new doctor that you can actually talk to
  #3  
Unread 12-02-2009, 09:40 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

Thank you! Yes, my doctor, he is a good doc as in procedure wise, but he has no bedside manners! He also told me a hyster was like a csection and I think the hyster was worse pain wise and recoup time. He basically through out a lot of stats where sex is concerned. I was hoping that after losing my cervix and everything else that I wouldnt have to go back for yearly exams. Though, he says I have to be checked for vaginal cancer each year! Agghh...I do like being period free. My husband is being great.....we kindof joked about the whole sex thing. I hope that as my hormones get regulated things will get better. And..yes I will look for another doc..Thanks so much......
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  #4  
Unread 12-02-2009, 09:56 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by chadswife View Post
I had a TAH early October. I still havent had sex yet... I just dont want to...I am not fearful...I dont think it will hurt...but I just plain dont want to! My Mom says I am way too young to be feeling this way...but I have no interest. My estrogen levels were really low, and I have just been switched from the patch to pills. I dont know if that has anything to do with it or not. I havent discussed it w/ my Doctor b/c he says sex doesnt change after a hyster.....funny I didnt know Men had hysters...but he has I guess! LOL.
Plus...I have a cuff....so , I know this is gross...but where does the semen go? Plus....can my DH feel the cuff? Is my vagina shorter? I have a coworker that had a hyster and has the cuff..and she says its different and it all just falls out of you? I am just totally turned off by the idea of sex....
I just need to know this is normal. I know that just 3 weeks after my surgery I wanted sex bad....and I didnt b/c it was too early...but now..that I am cleared. I just dont want it! I told my husband I would just lay there and pretend to like it, if he wanted it that bad. He is being very loving and is not pressuring me at all....but any insite would be great! Thanks!
Not having your HRT all leveled out yet will absolutely affect sex drive. Sex takes even the luckies of us some time to adjust to. And for most of us, it's eventually just as good or better than ever. With a cuff, most men can't feelt it. My dh doesn't bump the end of my cuff (and he used to occasionally bump my cervix.) The semen does come out a bit quicker. Someone here warned me of that. Nothing I can't adjust to and live with.

Give yourself the time you need, get your HRT worked out and if in time you still have "issues" after trying and it doesn't get slowly better, then maybe talk to a counselor or therapist to help you get past it. Most dh's use sex as a way of connecting with us and it is usually somewhat important to them. I was lucky my dh was and is patient when things get complicated for me about healing and sex, but he does need that closeness. When I've had complications, there are other ways for me to help him feel "appreciated" without having to feel so physically vulnerable that I may be in pain with actual intercourse. Besides, who says you have to be denied what can be a great part of your life too, right? ;-)

  #5  
Unread 12-02-2009, 09:56 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

Chadswife,
You know the old Nike saying "Just do It!"
I agree with Fearful. I think once you get started you may get into it. Also, maybe don't tell hubby you are faking it because then he will not be his comfortable self in the bedroom and you need that right now.
I am 8 weeks today and it is the day the doc sd we finally could have sex & I am too scared that it will hurt or tear something. I have a vag cuff too and the thought of it grosses me out. We have had outercourse a couple of time, today as a matter of fact & I am glad to report that the "Big O" was not taken away from me. Maybe you can start with that.
I've read in the checkpoints or somewhere on here that during our first few weeks of recovery that our libido goes crazy and of course we cannot do anything about it and then BAM it can go away just as easily. Just saying that what you are going thru may be normal. But what is normal anymore and probably not what you want to hear!
  #6  
Unread 12-02-2009, 09:58 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

I had a tah 7/28/09. I cant take any hormone meds. I have not found that sex is any different. I dont think you can feel the cuff. I have one to. Hope things will be better for you.
  #7  
Unread 12-02-2009, 10:04 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!



You might want to check out some of our Post Op Articles. There is one about where the semen and sperm go, one about whether or not the vagina is shorter, several about sex, and many more!

S
  #8  
Unread 12-02-2009, 10:19 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

Weiser has good advice! Those Post Op Articles are VERY helpful! She has it linked. Just click on her words "Post Op Articles."

All the hostesses have wisdom to share...thanks Weiser!
  #9  
Unread 12-02-2009, 11:23 PM
Re: Sex...there I said it..sex sex sex!

I read that quite often that the cuff idea "grosses" some out. If you think about it, it's the same thing you had the before without a cervix in there. And if you really think about it...;-)....the cervix is actually a little odd in itself. lol So you are not having anything grosser than before. ;-) It is a little odd to get used to the idea of something new, I admit.

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