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Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

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Unread 12-13-2009, 09:57 AM
Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

Hi everyone. I am new to the site, and I must first say that I have been reading many of the posts in the forums and truly feel the compassion and loving support of you all. It gives me a little peace of mind knowing that I am definitely not alone in this - it's so great to have a site such as this for us women to turn to (especially when we are not getting the needed support from family!).

Now the reason for my post - as stated in the title; I am having an adominal hysterectomy in only 3 days ... and I am scared out of my mind. Not just scared of the surgery itself (because I haven't had any major surgery at all), but also scared because of WHY I am having it ... and some of the circumstances surrounding my case.

Back in March I had an adnormal pap that showed hgsil. A colposcopy and biopsy confirmed the pap results, so the ob/gyn said I require a LEEP - but that the LEEP should take care of things. I had the LEEP in October, and 10 days later the path report comes back with a dx of microinvasive cc of 1mm!!! I felt like I was just hit and run over 10 times by an 18-wheeler. The reason for my shock was that I wasn't expecting that severe a dx - as the ob/gyn during colp & biopsy said that it didn't look too bad; that I need not worry. He pretty much lied to me - and I called him on it. His response: "Well I recall when I first saw you that I did have some concern that it was cc." Well good lord tell me the truth and be upfront right away - don't give me false hopes.

At any rate, now as I say I am having a hysto in 3 days (with no mention of chemo or rad treatments after so I am assuming I dont get them?) ... and Im petrified that when they open me up they will change my dx to something worse. All because this stupid doc wasn't upfront with me before. From all that I have read online so far my stage would be 1a1 - but as I say I am so scared that when I wake up from surgery or when we get the path report back from the hysto, the doc will then tell me that it's worse. I try to rationalize things to calm myself - but it's hard. I try to say that jumping from 1mm invasion to let's say a 1b1 invasion of 5-7mm is a HUGE jump - and probably unlikely. But because of this doctor I still have that fear.

Has anyone been diagnosed with a certain cc stage but then be staged worse after having a hysto? Does anyone know the chances of this happening?

I apologize to you all for my insane rambling. But I am a 35yr old mom with 3 beautiful children and the most wonderful husband I could ever imagine - I can't help but fear the worst. At times I find myself planning my funeral in my mind and break down because the last thing I want is to leave my amazing family behind.

Any advice, stories, knowledge, or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated at this point sisters. Even a good kick in the rear would help lol.
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Unread 12-13-2009, 10:11 AM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

I'm sorry you have to join this "club". But you will definately find tons of support from the ladies here. It is scary to go through this maze. I'm sorry that your doctor wasn't upfront with you regarding his concerns, so I'm sure it came as a huge blow to hear the word cancer.

Praying for you that this was caught early, and it seems it has been. Is a gyno/onco doing your surgery? If not, it is highly suggested that one do it as they are the only ones qualified to do such a surgery when cancer is involved, they will do a more thorough op.

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery.
Unread 12-13-2009, 10:26 AM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

First of all: you are NOT rambling. You are plain scared and that is completely normal and understandable.
The week I got my dx I have planned my funeral several times!
You are in an emotional rollercoaster right now and everything you write I can relate to! The thing that helped me most was to talk and write about it and to cry cry cry!

My gyn/onc said during my (2nd) Leep everything looked normal. She was as shocked though as I was when it turned out to be cancer. Since I have adenocarcinoma I understand that it is hard to be seen by the eye, one needs a microscope to see it.
It didn't hit me as hard as it did you, b/c I kinda suspected something was wrong. However, listening to my doc telling I have cancer was nervewrecking.

In my case they staged me after an exam under anesthetic. Before that they told me they thought it to be 1b2 or a 2a. After the exam they told me it was 1b2 (hence the surgery). I think the docs usually will be on the safe side.

I had to wait for the labresults after surgery to find out whether I would need radiation and/or chemo. In most cases they don't operate when they expect radiation will be necessary, but in my case they advised it b/c the grade of the cancer and the margins hardly being clear.

You write your ob/gyn diagnosed you. Is he a gyn/oncologist as well? In my opinion a gyn/onc is the best place to be (here in The Netherlands, when diagnosed with cerv.ca. you automatically will be referred to a gyn/onc). If your ob/gyn isn't a gyn/onc as well, you might consider consulting a gyn/onc as well. They are specialized in this field and in my opinion are straightforward as well in their communication.

The only advice I can give to you is to take it a day at a time, look your fears in the face, talk about it with your husband and beloved ones, cry about it when you feel you need to and try not to forget that everyday the sun will rise, birds still will sing, flowers still will be pretty. Often, I found, my fears were a lot bigger than the actual facts.

Take care! Remember: the rollercoaster will stop eventually! So hang in there...

Good luck with your surgery. My anesthesiologist told me that a good cry right before surgery was the best thing I could do. And I did & she was right.

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Unread 12-13-2009, 04:22 PM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

I was staged 1a1 after a biopsy. Mri scan confirmed it was that and hadnt spread and afta surgery they confIrmd they got it all out. Howeva, like u, i was worried that they wud cut me open and find things much worse inside - even tho the mri already confirmd it wasnt. I worried about evrything esp my children! I think the best thing to do is take a deep breath and take each day at a time. I think the worst part is waiting, waiting for results, for surgery, for it all to end so u can get on with living ur life again. Best wishes 2 u x
Unread 12-13-2009, 07:32 PM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

I am in exactly the same situation. My abdom. hyster. is on 12/18. I am petrified they'll find more advanced disease. (at this point 1a1) Where are you located? how long did doc say you would be in hospital? elyse
Unread 12-13-2009, 07:50 PM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

forgot to ask--are you having ovaries out? elyse
Unread 12-13-2009, 08:12 PM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

Sounds like everything you are experiencing is perfectly normal with a cancer dx. Not that it makes it any better, but at least you know you aren't "crazy. They don't normally do the surgery if they expect to do treatments afterwards. In some cases the pathology reports may show something that makes the doc feel its best to follow up with rads/chemo.

As for your doc...I can relate there! The doc that first saw the polyp on my cervix told me I was too young for it to be cancer...not that it was impossible, but he didn't think so. Once it came back as definate pre-cancer he kinda stopped talking to me. Fortunately he wasn't my regular gyne, but I felt misled and lied to by him. It made it incredibly hard to trust any "opinion" after that. My poor gyne/onco had to deal with the effects of that...and my constant questions and doubts. She handled it wondrefully though and I hope your gyne/onco will do the same.

Try to take some extra time for yourself over the next few days. Enjoy a nice soak in the tub (won't be able to do that for a while until the incision heals). Read some inspiring short stories. Or go eat a double hot fudge sundae! Its important to take care of yourself though.
Unread 12-13-2009, 08:37 PM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

My first opinion thought it might be cancer, and was pretty up front. My second opinion (who I'm with now since I fired the first for being under-skilled) doesn't want to mention the "c" word, but has clearly explained (in detail) how my symptoms aren't characteristic of anything ELSE she's seen... and she's sending me to the only specialist (GYN who handles complex uterine disease and cancers but is not an oncologist) in my medical group that handles cancer patients and works with an oncologist.

I'm still waiting for the cancer dx, and maybe I'll not get one after all. I do need a hysterectomy (adeno/endo), so we'll see what they find when they get in. I hear it's pretty hit-n-miss on what they think they'll find and what they DO find.

So, that being said, I hope they get in you and see that it's not that bad and you have easy sailing from there! Try to let us know, because we'll be thinking of you, sister.
Unread 12-13-2009, 09:00 PM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

Hey, sweetie!

As the others have said, everything you're feeling is perfectly normal, and we can totally relate.

Have you had a CT or MRI? Prior to my surgery, I had a CT of the abdomen/pelvis, so we were pretty darn sure there wouldn't be any "surprises" once they got in there. Also, is your surgeon a gyn/onc (gynecological oncologist)? We strongly recommend seeing a gyn/onc as they are the experts for gyn cancers. I would not let an ordinary ob/gyn do my cancer surgery. Remember, you only get one chance to get your treatment off on the right foot. And, don't worry about hurting anyone's (doc's) feelings. If it were his wife/daughter/mother, you can be sure they'd be at a gyn/onc's. Just my two cents.

(BTW, don't forget to check over on the surgery boards for tips about the hospital stay, coming home, etc.)

Hang in there!
Unread 12-14-2009, 02:32 AM
Re: Having Hysto in 3 Days and Am An Emotional Wreck

I have to agree with monami... please make sure your doctor is a gyn/oncologist. They have many more years of training in the field of gyn cancer issues. It is worth the wait. I had my reg gyn set up to do the surgery until I found this siite. I too was only a few days from surgery, but I made him wait until he could coordinate his schedule with the gyn/onc. so very glad I did that... Best to you .

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