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should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned) should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 12-25-2009, 01:28 AM
should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

I'm having a tvh on Jan 7, Dh will be taking the first week off to help me, my Sis will help me some the second week, I would truely want my mom and dad to help me. but my mom has Pancreatic Cancer and is in so much pain, I just can't bother her. So here's my thing I have 5 boys, (14,11,9,9,2) 3 go to a public school and 1 (11yr old) is homeschooled. I'm wondering by the 2nd and 3rd week will I be able to be home with the boys, or should I ask MIL to come and help me. My boys only see those grandparents at Christmas, so they don't know them well. she only lives 2 miles away from us. The reason we are not close with them, is that FIL abused dh,(FIL does not drink any more and has changed) and whenever your around them, all she does is talk about everyone and complain. it really stresses me out when they come over. I'm so afraid they'll be talking about us. I could also if I had an emergency at my house call my dad and mom they live a few blocks away. They would come no matter how much pain my mom is in. (Dad won't leave mom home by herself) and mondays are her chemo days so she's pretty sick for about 3 days after that. I'll have my 11 yr old to help me out. would he be enough.`
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  #2  
Unread 12-25-2009, 07:14 AM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

If she stresses you out, I don't know that I would. I know my 9 year old helps with my 3 year old and 1.5 year old, so I would think an 11 year old could as well. Depends on your dynamic though. My 9 year old is used to having to help with small tasks. Maybe you could just have her come and help maybe two days a week, so that you can rest more!
  #3  
Unread 12-25-2009, 08:42 AM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

I agree I had a TAH 10 days ago and am good to go, my 9 year old is a huge help with the 16 month old, with the lifting and such, and other then the lifiting part I can do everything. If she stresses you out I would not unless absoulty needed.
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  #4  
Unread 12-25-2009, 10:09 AM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

Maybe I'll just have her MIL take me to my doctor appointments. but I do think my 11yr can handle it I just don't want to push to much on him then I know I'll end up doing it.
  #5  
Unread 12-25-2009, 11:36 AM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by sherry00-1 View Post
I'm having a tvh on Jan 7, Dh will be taking the first week off to help me, my Sis will help me some the second week, I would truely want my mom and dad to help me. but my mom has Pancreatic Cancer and is in so much pain, I just can't bother her. So here's my thing I have 5 boys, (14,11,9,9,2) 3 go to a public school and 1 (11yr old) is homeschooled. I'm wondering by the 2nd and 3rd week will I be able to be home with the boys, or should I ask MIL to come and help me. My boys only see those grandparents at Christmas, so they don't know them well. she only lives 2 miles away from us. The reason we are not close with them, is that FIL abused dh,(FIL does not drink any more and has changed) and whenever your around them, all she does is talk about everyone and complain. it really stresses me out when they come over. I'm so afraid they'll be talking about us. I could also if I had an emergency at my house call my dad and mom they live a few blocks away. They would come no matter how much pain my mom is in. (Dad won't leave mom home by herself) and mondays are her chemo days so she's pretty sick for about 3 days after that. I'll have my 11 yr old to help me out. would he be enough.`
If you have the 11 year old, and she stresses you out that bad, i think I would stick with the 11 year old. lol But just tell yourself that you will not do what he can't. Do you have a dh you can save some stuff to help with when he gets home? Or can you ask the 14 year old to kick in a bit when he gets home, etc?

:xmashug4:
  #6  
Unread 12-25-2009, 03:10 PM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

DH works for lowes so his hours are horrible. my oldest son is big time into sports, and they practice from 3:30 till 7:30 so he doesn't come home till 8:00 then he has to do home work. I'm the one in the family who does everything, so I'm afraid if I have it just me and my 2 boys I know I will end up doing things myself. With 7 of us in the house I'm always busy I'm afraid to think of what it will look like if there is no adult around. so this is why I was thinking of having MIL over. also my 11yr old son is ADHD and he has autism but its not to bad
  #7  
Unread 12-25-2009, 03:21 PM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

I can understand why you would be apprehensive about the MIL. I think the 11 year old is a better bet. Worst case scenario, Dad and Mom.

I'm sorry both you and your Mom are in so much pain right now.

My FIL recently shared with us he has throat cancer. H wasn't going to tell us because of all we had going on, he didn't want to upset me... I am glad he shared that with us, and I guess your parents would feel the same if you needed help. That's what loving families are about!
  #8  
Unread 12-25-2009, 03:39 PM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

I honestly think my son will be OK with me but I just don't want to put to much on him. My dad and mom would come in a second to help me. I just don't think I can ask though. I think this is just me stressing out, I do know that when it comes down to the time things will work out. but that's just me worrying
  #9  
Unread 12-25-2009, 10:18 PM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

The fact that your MIL stresses you out tells me to advise you not to have her help out. Also, the fact that you only see someone, in the family once a year, when the live so close, screams no.

You would be better off hiring a visiting nurse, rather than a family member who stresses you out.

Most of your children are old enough to help you. Rely on them...and your husband.

Also, sorry to hear about your mothers cancer. My thoughts are with her...and you too. You should be fine with your sons assisting...and an 11 year old should have no trouble helping out.

I had gallbladder surgery "the old way" with a major incision. My daughter was only 1. My ex stayed home with me for the first two days home, but then, he had to go back to work (he was a bank manager). He was only 2 miles from home, if I needed anything. Never had to call for help. Just called him for ideas on what to bring home for dinner.
  #10  
Unread 12-25-2009, 10:39 PM
Re: should I ask MIL to help out (kids mentioned)

I can understand your concern also. That is a lot of children to handle. I wish the best for you. It looks like you will have the first two weeks covered. Hopefully the 3rd week will not be so bad. Take care of yourself and let things go that you are not supposed to be doing. You don't want to cause yourself more problems. Just a thought, but is there an older teenage girl in your neighborhood that you could pay to help you out? Maybe with the laundry and running the sweeper. Maybe even a "Caregivers" group in your area until you get back on your feet. I am very sorry to hear about your Mother.
It looks like I am going to be brought home and will be alone while my DH is at work. He was supposed to be off during that week. He had to find someone to cover for him for the day of my surgery. I am wondering if I am allowed to stay until he is off work. I have no idea what time they release patients. Guess I will be finding out. This situation just cropped up on us. All of our parents are deceased, but I would not want/have my MIL with me either. I would end up waiting on her. My friends have all moved away and one friend left here is so busy with her grandchild that I would not dare to ask for help. My boys are grown and married, so I will just have to take care of myself. What my DH does not do just will just not get done in this house.
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