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Single ladies?  Unite? Single ladies? Unite?

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  #1  
Unread 03-19-2010, 09:44 PM
Single ladies? Unite?

So... I read post after post in the forums about you wonderful ladies and wonderful husbands being so wonderful and helpful after surgery.
I am not one of those women.
I am divorced, and quite happily. My husband was abusive in every way you could imagine and leaving him was definitely the best decision I've ever made.
I'm very happy to read about everyone's husbands being so supportive and helpful after surgery but it's also really... really... REALLY depressing because I don't have that.
I think the hardest part for me is knowing that there is someone that is my soulmate, I've found him. He's found me. We want to be together, we just can't right now. If we were, I would be all over it talking about him taking care of me.
But I don't have anyone to take care of me! I've recovered alone, I was alone through the decision making process, I'm always alone. I don't have friends where I live because all I do is work. Seriously. I don't have time for friends!
All of my friends are spread all over the country (when I was married, I was a military wife and did meet wonderful people that I've kept in contact with through various moves) so I don't have a lot, or any support. Which is why I'm always on these forums!
I know there are some of you out there! Where are all of my single sisters at?!
I can't possibly be alone in being alone?!
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  #2  
Unread 03-19-2010, 10:17 PM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

Lisa,

I am not single at the moment, but I can understand your pain. Undergoing any medical procedure itself is depressing. I've had so many of them, my husband has been feeling depressed and tried to be away as much as possible. He spends most of the week out of town taking care of his 87-year-old Dad in the country, which depresses him more.

It's a lonely road when we are experiencing something that no one else could really understand. How could anyone understand the excruciating pain I was feeling when the anesthesia wore off earlier than usual? I was the only person 'hollering' and 'crying' in the recovery room. The staff who sat silently adjusting dosage of the pain killer was busy doing his job and did not bother to tell me that he was working on reducing my pain. It was not until I was about to be moved to the regular room when he 'explained' to me: "Everyone's different; you just have a very low threshhold for pain." Then it dawned on me that all the surgeries I'd had before probably had built up my resistance to the pain medicine. I'm a drug addict!

Please utelize all the resources available to you - the social worker in the hospital, in the area you live; friends and relatives and coworkers; neighbors... And do share your frustrations with us. We are your sisters, we can listen and we know how it feels. We may not be single at the moment, but we've been single before, and we can be single soon. [My husband is calling my using the on-line support groups a 'home-wrecker'. He felt neglected. Well, I'm sorry. But I just don't have energy and time for him right at the moment!]
  #3  
Unread 03-20-2010, 12:21 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

Imms1981
Hey girl, being a former military spouse, Im guessing you understand that even if you are married, you can be alone most of the time.. Even though my husband is not deployed at the moment, He is only here a few waking moments of the day. My friends, like yours, are all over the country... We have been at this duty station longer than expected so all my friends, here, have moved too.
I would love to be your friend. We could support eachother
BTW Im 28 too!
April
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  #4  
Unread 03-20-2010, 12:40 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

I am single, and I can understand how you feel. I have never been married, never met the right one. I wanted a family, and have been blessed with the adoption of two beautiful children, the best of both worlds, a boy and girl. Then I grew a large tumor and was scared into believing it was cancer. I was all alone, I had to make the decision alone, I had my kids to think about alone without me if it was cancer. I made the wrong choice and had a hysterectomy and my life and theirs has been out of control since. I feel bad because of the hatred I feel and the mood swings that I have, they have never experienced any thing like this. As far as friends go, I don't want to run my feelings into the ground with them, so I deal with it alone. I feel you, and I would say god bless you, but I don' believe anymore
  #5  
Unread 03-20-2010, 12:47 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

Thank you Jackie.
Wilmafitz, yes I totally understand the "married but single" lifestyle of the military. Sadly, I actually looked forward to each deployment and dreaded every homecoming! Don't ask me how I managed to stay with him for 4.5 years, but boy am I glad that it's over! What's awful is that I was so lonely last night that I even started looking up all of my former in-laws on Facebook to see how they are doing and what they've been up to, and started wishing I still could have them in my life...! Your surgery was just under a week after mine so not only are we the same age, we're also right along side one another in recovery! I knew I could count on you ladies to cheer me up.
  #6  
Unread 03-20-2010, 12:50 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by tazmainian2 View Post
I am single, and I can understand how you feel. I have never been married, never met the right one. I wanted a family, and have been blessed with the adoption of two beautiful children, the best of both worlds, a boy and girl. Then I grew a large tumor and was scared into believing it was cancer. I was all alone, I had to make the decision alone, I had my kids to think about alone without me if it was cancer. I made the wrong choice and had a hysterectomy and my life and theirs has been out of control since. I feel bad because of the hatred I feel and the mood swings that I have, they have never experienced any thing like this. As far as friends go, I don't want to run my feelings into the ground with them, so I deal with it alone. I feel you, and I would say god bless you, but I don' believe anymore
See, that's just it! Maybe I wouldn't be so "girly" about all of this but now that I've found "the one", I realize what I'm missing and am really wishing he was here with me! That's awful what happened to you and I'm so sorry for your situation. But I'm happy for you that you were able to adopt two wonderful kids! Don't feel bad for not being a believer. I'm not either.
  #7  
Unread 03-20-2010, 01:24 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by lmms1981 View Post
See, that's just it! Maybe I wouldn't be so "girly" about all of this but now that I've found "the one", I realize what I'm missing and am really wishing he was here with me! That's awful what happened to you and I'm so sorry for your situation. But I'm happy for you that you were able to adopt two wonderful kids! Don't feel bad for not being a believer. I'm not either.
  #8  
Unread 03-20-2010, 05:14 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

hi Imms i am on my own too i had TAH on 10th feb op went well but had water infections since know how you feel being on your own not only do i feel lonely my 18 year old son is preparing to go away to university in a few months good job i have two little dogs lol
  #9  
Unread 03-20-2010, 08:03 AM
Re: Single ladies? Unite?

Lisa,
I'm divorced and single, but not alone and you're not either. You have a great community of friends here who will support you and help you and you have a support group of friends, even though you can't always see them, you can reach out to them for love and guidance and support. You just have to reach out and ask -- I call friends when I need to talk or I get online or I when talking with someone I ask them to come over and visit me. I am fortunate to have my family nearby as well and great neighbors. Does your church have a local support group or a group of ladies that might be able to come over and visit or bring a meal?

I hope you feel better soon! Best wishes!!
Lisa
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