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Am I being too sensitive? Am I being too sensitive?

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Unread 03-22-2010, 01:03 PM
Am I being too sensitive?

Ok, this is a selfish post I think, so beware...

My pre-op with my doc is Thursday, and my hospital pre-op if Friday morning. My husband happens to be off on Friday, he was planning on going with me to my pre-op, but now has decided to do a training for work.

This training is offered SEVERAL times over the next couple weeks. And he's choosing to go Friday morning.

I sorta want him with me. I haven't really had time to stress about the surg from dealing with other issues, and trying to restore our marriage.

If he was supposed to work Friday it wouldn't be a big deal, and I'd go by myself, but the fact that he's choosing to, just bugs me.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Unread 03-22-2010, 01:08 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Now I'd be peeved, too, but I'd tell him I wanted him there and ask him to switch. I'm assuming he figures its OK with you and isn't aware its not. No, you're not being too sensitive to want him there. I hope he reconsiders. Some men just don't get the importance, esp if we seem so calm.
Unread 03-22-2010, 01:20 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

No, you aren't being too sensitive. I'd be upset too. The thing is, this is a big deal and we all need a husband, parent, friend, etc. near us to support us during this time.

My husband didn't go to the pre-op with me as he had to work but he did go with me to one doctor's appointment where we discussed the surgery. I sort of had two pre-ops. That was important to me as my husband could learn more about the surgery and he got to ask his own questions.

My advice is to tell your husband that it would really mean a lot to you if he goes with you. Like greyown said, he may just think you are ok with it and isn't aware of how you feel. Best of luck!
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Unread 03-22-2010, 01:30 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Hi nuttygal - I'd say let your feelings guide you on this one - the fact that it bothers you is perhaps an indication that, even amidst your other stresses, this one needs to dealt with. I think it's really important for our significant others to hear the straight goods from the doctors, rather than second hand through us.

I took my partner to a couple of doctor appointments - one with a doctor that I was really struggling with (needed to know it wasn't just me) and then a second doctor who will be doing my surgery. In both cases I felt so thankful he was with me because he heard and observed things that I missed, and he also confirmed things I was doubting. When it comes to a pre-op appointment (haven't had mine yet, granted) I would think it especially helpful to have someone with you who will be caring for you afterwards......

If there ever was a time to be selfish, I'd think it's now?? Take care of yourself and ask for what you need!

My partner did NOT understand how important it was to me initially because I honestly did a crappy job of communicating it to him. Instead, I burst into tears when he said he couldn't make it....not my finest moment, but anyhow, then we were able to talk about WHY it was important to me, and he changed his plans (HUGE brownie points, I tell ya!).
Unread 03-22-2010, 01:44 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

I don't think you're being too sensitive. He SHOULD be there!!! But I agree if you don't let him know how important it is to you he might not realize how it's affecting you. Talk to him and let him know you need him there. Hopefully he will be understanding and do the training at some other time.

My doctor already told me that my other half should be at my pre-op if it's's already prebooked for April 30th and my bf will be there. It will be a tough day for him as he'll have worked until 7am, then off to my doctor's office for 9am which is an hour away and then the hospital for pre-op at 10am....then the poor guy will squeeze in a couple of hours sleep and into work again at 6:30pm....I even said I could get my mom or sister to come with me but he insists on doing it as he wants to talk to the doctor and hear everything that is going on plus he knows I want him there.
Unread 03-22-2010, 01:56 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

I think if you want him there then ask. I personaly did not want my husband, I did not need to consider his questions/feelings because I decided that I would be first. This might sound bad, but after being a parent of adult kids, stay at home mom for many years, it is now time for myself. Do what is important to you and communicate exactly that to your friends and family. No body can be a mind reader. Wishing you the best and best support ever....
Unread 03-22-2010, 02:45 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Sorry you are feeling hurt, Nuttygal.

If I am reading your post correctly, he is missing the hospital pre-op which is different from your Dr. pre-op. When I had my hosp. pre-op, it was signing the admitting/billing paperwork then meeting with a nurse who took my health history, blood, blood pressure, etc. I didn't meet with the anethesiologist until right before my surgery. And my questions about surgery/recovery with my dr was at a different appt and different day. My hubby drove me to those appts, but didn't go in with me.

I'm wondering if it might be better for him to get that training out of the way, so that he is more available for you after surgery when you'll need him more by your side taking care of you????

If you are feeling strongly about having him with you at that appt, then let him know what you're thinking. Sometimes, well most times, men are pretty clueless!

Good luck to you!
Unread 03-22-2010, 02:53 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Yes, I agree that the hospital pre-op is much different than the doctor pre-op. I was glad my DH was at the doctor pre-op, so he could hear all the particulars AND when you are stressed, you sometimes miss things the doc says.. The hospital pre-op was quick.. blood work and paper signing... saw the anesthesiologist right before being wheeled in to surgery... Good luck and let him know you would like him with you...
Unread 03-22-2010, 03:23 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

My husband looked at me as if I was a Martian when I asked if he could come to ANY of my appointments. He is in sales and has to travel a lot but couldn't/wouldn't arrange his schedule to come with me. I am used to being very independent as he has always travelled but I was hoping he would make the time for this as I am very worried and stressed. It makes it worse when you go to the doctor's office or hospital and see other women with their husbands with them. My sisters in law offered to come but I didn't want them -- I wanted him!

At least he is supposed to take the week off after my surgery - to be honest I'll believe it when I see it! And I know he has an out of town trip planned for the second week, thank God my sister will be here then. I don't know what will happen if I have any complications or if I have to have treatments after my surgery (some concerns about cancer). I will likely have to manage a lot on my own.

My grown kids aren't much better - my son has anxiety disorder and doesn't like to leave his apartment; my daughter is a busy "career" woman with a new husband and a condo downtown.

The funny thing is that he thinks he is really supportive. He would be shocked to think I am still upset---even though I have told him! I am just supposed to accept that his job is "important" and he HAS to work as hard as he does. to my hospital pre-op ---on my own --- tomorrow!
Unread 03-22-2010, 04:01 PM
Re: Am I being too sensitive?

My husband is very supportive and would have gone if I had asked, but to be honest I didn't even think of taking him. I knew what was involved in the surgery and wanted to keep the details to a minimum. No need for him to get too freaked out over everything going on "down there". I however, had no doubt of his ability and willingness to take the best care of me...he has been the best private duty nurse ever and i have enjoyed being home with him...(he works from home). So..i think i just depends on you...if you truly feel you need him there...then that is what you should do.. just ask! The hospital pre-op is a waste of time for him in my opinion...i would think the dr. pre-op would be more informative. Prayers and hugs for a smooth recovery!

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