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Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child) Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child)

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Unread 03-28-2010, 10:47 AM
Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child)

I just keep thinking about all that has to be done between now and then, as well as worries about my business, and the what-ifs after the biopsies of the tissues come back. I finally just lost it today and cried for the first time since I got my diagnosis almost a month ago. I just sat in my husband's lap and let him hold me while I sobbed. Poor man probably thought I didn't care one way or the other about the whole thing, since I've shown no emotion to anyone so far.

I just keep fearing the worst....a uterine cancer or ovarian cancer diagnosis....chemo/rad....or even worse. We have a 21 month old daughter, and I can't imagine not being there for her. I was pretty sure that we were done having children after my complications in pregnancy, but to have the decision made for me, it's been really difficult.

I know you all understand. I don't know how I'll make it to next Tuesday with my wits intact. (And I have an extremely busy work week as clients are trying to get in before I take 6 weeks off.)
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Unread 03-28-2010, 11:45 AM
Re: Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child) go ahead and have a big good Just hang in there...we gotta remember that we are gonna feel much better after the surgery is done and over with.
Unread 03-28-2010, 12:23 PM
Re: Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child)

Hi Busybuggie,

The big 'C' word is always a shocker. However, we are fortunate to be living in the 21st Century. With all the advancement in medicine, cancer is more like a chronic disease.

I'll be celebrating the 20th anniversary of my big brain tumor surgeries. Remember the saying 'It's not a brain tumor'? Well, imagine the shock me and my husband had when we heard the verdict.

But I am still here. With the brain tumor recurrence, with a breast cancer diagnosis and then a recurrence; I've had Gamma-knife radiosurgery to the head, 33 rounds of radiation to my right breast (now completely gone after the mastectomy in 2007) and 6 rounds of chemotherapy twice...

You will be there for your baby's graduation and wedding... Just hang in there. Exercise increases the release of 'endorphine' from our brain
and improves our immune system while making us happy. Be sure to do some light exercise...
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Unread 03-28-2010, 01:46 PM
Re: Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child)

I am sorry you are going through this. Cancer is a scary word, and you being so young, but, remember that there are lots of others before you who have already gone through what you are going through right now. Hopefully your team will get it all next week with your surgery, and you will soon be able to say, "It's all behind me now". If they do, there is a good chance you may not need any other treatment, so just keep thinking positively. In the meantime, cry, post, talk to your family and friends, and let your emotions come. You don't always have to be the 'strong one", and your husband probably felt good that he was able to be there for you today. You have a lot to look forward to with your daughter too.

Before I had my surgery (just 2 weeks ago) I honestly felt invincible., like it happens to everyone else, and there's no possible way that anything bad could happen to me. This was pretty prideful on my part, though. I know that. I am 39, and though cancer was not my dx, I had a lot of other issues, including things I did not even know about until after the path reports came back. I guess it was just another learning experience.

Right now, 2 weeks post op, I am beginning to feel better, and you will too.

Just know we are all thinking of you, and keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. Do as much as you can on your house now, and all of your preparations, especially for your daughter. It will go faster, and sometimes slower, than you realize. But it will be behind you soon.
Unread 03-28-2010, 02:05 PM
Re: Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child)

Busybuggie, I'm 32 and going in on 4/6 too!
I also have a 1yo.
I have 4 kids and I knew I was done too, but it still is hard. Its natural for us to feel like that.

Sorry to hear about the potential cancer. Thats very scary. I hope everything turns out okay!
But IF you do have to do chemo, etc you will make it through!
Whatever the outcome know you WILL be there for your daughter! ((HUGS))

I'll be thinking of you on our day!
Try to take some time out for yourself before next tuesday if you can.
I'm trying to stay occupied till then. I'm even thinking of doing my yard sale the friday and saturday before to keep me busy. I know it will be some weeks before I will be up to doing it after the surgery. Other than that I'm keeping busy spring cleaning and tending to kids and running errands and preparing the house for my recovery.
I plan to do a couple fun things with the kids before the 6th too. And I'd like to go out for a nice dinner and movie or something on Easter.

Oh, and I've had my fair share of crying over the past few weeks. But I'm feeling a lot calmer than before and just ready to get it over with.

Before you know it we will be on the flip side!
Unread 03-28-2010, 02:38 PM
Re: Surgery 9 days out and I'm a mess (mention of child)

Thank you for all the encouragement and sharing, ladies! I know I am not alone, and that really keeps me going.

I think I am ready to just get it done, and get the path report back so I can KNOW what I'm facing (or hopefully NOT facing). I am definitely a Type A personality, and don't function well when circumstances are simply completely out of my control.

Thanks, Jess...I'll be thinking of you, too! A nice dinner and movie on Easter sounds perfect! We might just have to do that, too.

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