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This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

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Unread 03-28-2010, 01:27 PM
This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

Ok my sistas,
I am in day 6 post op tah which had been filled with pain far worse then I ever expected..on top of that my dh is starting to lose it..we have 4 kids 14 down to 18 month old twins..and here's the problem. While I know he has to tk care of them first, especially the babies,, I need help too...we had a big fight and he ran out, I know he will b back but really I don't need extra stress. My 14 yr old daughter gies from super helper to nearly letting my littlest one choke on don got the gate losse and almost went down 13 steps.. I feel useless I can't get up...I am hungry, thirsty, in pain and freaking out..he is off untill tue..he's sister was supposed to cm help me wed but already had backed mom was supposed to come bk to help Thursday but now says she can't due to work and maybe Friday?? Dh wks 6 days a week..and this situation just su...! I feel like he doesn't get it our 14 yr old really isn't capable of tking care of 3 kids and me??? So I'm sitting here crying mking my stomach hurt more..he tossed me a piece of toast ( very nurtiousis) and that's all I have eaten all day..if I could get things for myself I would but I can't .. Feeling low sad and just want to scream .. Sorry for whinning but I need someone who understands to lend some advice..I know he's doing alot but I'm kinda left fending for myself.. Any advise oh and I am still in crazy pain ... What is everyone taking for pain maybe mine isn't strong enough?? Thanks maddie
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Unread 03-28-2010, 02:06 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

You did not say how old your middle child is, but if he or she is old enough, you might be able to get him or her to help too.

I bet if you sat down and talked a little bit with your 14 year old daughter, and ask if she would help you more, she would. Is there something she would really like to have or do that you could do as reward just to help you get through this? Normally, I don't recommend "rewards" for 14year olds, but there always exceptions to the rule, and that just might work for her.

Emotions fly when we go through this. Mine have been going for about 2 weeks. Has your husband ever had surgery? If he hasn't, he truly is not able to understand what you are going through. Keep that in mind when you graciously deal with him.

Keep posting, and know you are not alone, by any means. It is all part of the process.

Unread 03-28-2010, 02:20 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

I think better pain control might help a lot, and I don't think it should be so bad at this point on the right meds. Are you taking Motrin or Aleve around the clock, along with the narcotics on schedule? The motrin really helps the narcs go further. Call your Dr about still having so much pain----could there be something that needs to be checked out? Different meds? The other ladies have good ideas about the kids. Don't wait to call your Dr about the pain. And I hope you feel better soon.
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Unread 03-28-2010, 03:12 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

Please calm yourself down. It really causes MORE PAIN!! Do not let little catastrophes get to you! I know, right now nothing seems little... Your hubby probably doesn't understand... and if you're not a nice patient, the care they WANT to give you will diminish. Let's be fair here, this surgery effects everyone... differently. My mom and daughter cried more than I did before AND after my surgery. So even though WE had the surgery, they too get flustered because they also can get very overwhelmed.

Hyster Sisters has created a site for husbands/family/friends who have to care for us... It's called Mister Hyster Sisters. I prepared my family - DH & 3 teenagers with the Mister site and even showed them YouTube Videos of Abdominal Hysterectomies! Hey, how can they know if they weren't there to "see" it go down, right?? lol check them out and use your best motherly judgments. Oh and DO bribe... I dont normally like the rewarding scenario, but hey... for putting up with US, its the least we can do for them

I have a snack bag on the side of my bed... filled with fruit cups, jellos, granola bars and yes, chocolate too : ) Get your 14 year old in gear... I "trained" all my kids before surgery and my care is wonderful... when I get short-tempered however, that care diminishes. My whole family is still waiting on me hand and foot and still asking if I need anything... and I'm 18 days out! I can see they are tired too so I have been trying to be extra nice (well, as nice as I can be! lol)

To calm you, get your daughter to spray your favorite perfume... or whatever favorite spray you have on hand. I love my clean linen Oust! lol and give your Dr a call... I tried to be tough through the pain thinking it was just that bad, til I had a checkup with my primary dr and found out I had a UTI..

Oh and PS: Motrin REALLY helps the pain when taken with the painkillers... I ran out of Motrin for 3 days and was miserable....

~*Calm Healing Hugs*~
Unread 03-28-2010, 03:26 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

I can certainly agree with the other great women! I am now just 48 hrs post-op and this was my 12th surgery in the last 20 years.
Talking one-on-one with your daughter will certainly help. She's capable of understanding your pain and will want to help you feel better. I have a 14 (going on 30) year old daughter as well and we do have our moments. I've promised her a good day when I get better. This usually means movies or the bowling alley, but she understands that this is a give-take relationship.
Stress with the hubby will make your pain worse. Men are trying to deal with your pain as best as they can (mine just looks at me and can't figure what he's supposed to say). Just telling them what you need in advance will help them feel useful. Having babies at home is difficult and we know that twins isn't that much easier. Maybe having a little talk after the babies go to bed will help you two - dim the lights, lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and let it out. We need each other to survive.
Good luck and remember you aren't alone!! And motrin does really work well with the pain meds - so don't forget to take it every 8 hrs.
Unread 03-28-2010, 03:33 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

Hello. First let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this emotional stress - now more than ever. A few answers to your questions from my vantage point. I had an abdominal hysterectomy and also removal of part of tubes as a cyst was on them. I had my surgery Monday 3/22. I take Norco 5-325 for pain (aka hydrocodone) every 4-6 hours. I take along with that Ibruprofen 800 mg every 6-8 hours. My understanding is that Ibruprofen helps keep swelling down and works in conjunction with the pain medication. I came home from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon.
We have one child that still lives at home - he is 23 ... and a daughters 24 and 26. Luckily they do not need my attention. The 24 year old did help Saturday with me taking a shower for the first time. My husband has been very supportive. Unforunately stress at work and with me has gotten the better of him and he wore himself out by Friday night. The situation with your husband is understandable in that all people handle stress - BUT leaving you and the kids in your time of need and throwing you a piece of toast to eat is UNFORGIVEABLE. Forget about him right now ... tell him to go get his rest. Pick up the phone and call EVERYONE you know and solicit help. Do not be proud. Right now you need help. See about someone to take your children into their homes and help for the next week. Second you need in-house help. Call your doctor and hospial for help - you do not mention any financial impact so I am hoping you can employ someone for the next week to help you. If you cannot and they do not have low cost help, contact your church or even a local church you may have always wanted to investigate. Do not be proud. Tell them your situaiton. To be honest ... I am Catholic and would start there ... but if they did not come through I would call and ask the Mormon church. It is not my religion but they are the one of the few left of churches that I respect that try to take care of their community. Call them. Tehy wil send help - from food/care to you to your children. Do this. Forget what your husband or family might say. you need help and they have not stepped up to the plate. The only people you need to focus on is yourslef and your childrens care.

Lastly, call your doctor and explain the pain. Everyone recovers at a different rate. I finally yesterday had my first BM - I was able to do that with prune juice and taking Dulcolax stool softeners. I took my first shower yesterday. Ask your doctor about your meds and what can be done to increase the dosage or change prescription. Take pills ON TIME - dont wait or forget. Write it down on a piece of paper - I find my self forgetting when I took what. Do not take NO for an answer from your doctor.

Another thing I have is an abdominal wrap - I have it on at all times (even sleeping) and it makes a big difference.
Finally, plant yourself in front of the tv or read a book or magazine. Stop crying - take action. You cannot help yourself or your children by crying and fretting/making excuses for your husband. You must act for yourself and them.

Lastly give yourself the hug you deserve and positive words of encouragement. Each day you will grow stonger. Those that step up as you reach out you will know lifelong who you can count on - remember them. You are stong smart woman and you will be fine! Big hugs!!!
Unread 03-28-2010, 03:52 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

2 other things -

walk at least 3 times a day if you can - just short jaunts - increase length of walk slowly. I am up to walking one turn around our bottom floor of house - like a total of 75 ft.

buy a mens abdominal weight lifting band from like walmart or ross for less. my friend found one for me at ross for $4.99 ... it has a rubberized backing ... i used it to take my shower - what a joy - I could actually use my hands to hold the shampoo and not my belly.

Good luck!
Unread 03-28-2010, 04:32 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

I am sorry you are having to go through this.

Please call your doctor so you can get your pain levels down , that will help alot. Happy women make happy patients. smile

Talk to your daughter and maybe your middle child about what simple
things they can do to help you out.

After the kids are in bed have a talk with your husband ~ my husband didn't get it at first either.........when I was still just in the planning stages he said okay go ahead and have the surgery before he went out of town~ I said I"m not having a tooth pulled I"m having major surgery.

My DH didn't know the first thing about surgery or recovery time, until I explained things to him. I agree have your DH go to the husband area on this site. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your DH. I have wished my DH could read my mind for years but he can't.

Is there any one that could keep the twins for you during the school day so you can get more rest?

Please do try to walk some each day , even short distances in your house and gradually increase each day.

Getting your pain under control will help alot. You are a special person.
Please know that you will gradually start to feel better., stay positive and know that we care.
Unread 03-28-2010, 04:50 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

What an sorry you are so stressed. I agree with all of the above. Definitely...see if your pain meds are not strong enough or if you could take them more often...if you are feeling better you will be able to fend for yourself more easily. Also...motivate your daughter to help more with the others...this is no time not to use incentives for her!! And lastly...if it were up to men there really wouldn't be a population explosion...they are truly not the stronger of the species...that is why God thought Adam needed a helpmate =)...your husband is obviously stressed to the max...have a family meeting...come up with a plan to get through the next few weeks...let them know the more you rest now the quicker you will be back to being supermom! Prayers and Hugs!
Unread 03-28-2010, 05:16 PM
Re: This is wAy more than I can tk kids mentioned

First calm down, second get on the phone and call your mom. if she cant come over to stay tell her to come over for a couple of hours and get things going, if she lives too far from you just have a crying spell over the phone with her. sometimes just talking to mom helps, they have a way of talking to us better than the husbands do. your daughters doing great, tell her to grab a clothes basket. you write down on a peice of paper everthing you may need (food, snacks, blankets, drinks etc. ) then have her go around the house and fill it. as far as eating, call and order chinese, pizza, what ever delivers. have your daughter meet the delivery guy at the door, now get that paper and make a list for hubby, sometimes they just cant figureout what to do without us telling them. good luck from happypatient

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