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Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:11 AM
Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

I had my TLH on Monday afternoon, and since I came home on Tuesday, my kids have been really out of sorts. My 3 year old is constantly whining, crying and melting down, (totally out of character for her) and my 5 year old is sitting around looking sad and worried. I keep trying to reassure them that mommy is ok and just needs to rest for a few days, but they are just not themselves at all. I think it is a big change for them, as usually I am go-go-go and playing with them and stuff. I am only allowing gentle hugs, as I don't trust them to remember to be gentle (so I'm not allowing them to lay and cuddle with me for example). ANd while I'm not really playing with them much, I'm watching them and interacting and reading books to them.

Did anyone else have this problem? How did it sort itself out? Should I be doing anything differently?
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Unread 04-08-2010, 06:59 AM
Re: Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

LOL no my kids are adults. but... I had a toddler when I had my previous abdominal surgery... so I can relate to how you are feeling.

but more important, I can relate to is the change in their lives. their routine is disrupted.. their normal mom has been changed, and they can't see the future when you are better and will be yourself. and the world as they know it will return.

they also most likely sense that you are saying you are okay but clearly you are not quite yourself. and they don't have the experience to understand or put it into words.

talk to them... you have a "boo boo" or any age appropriate term for your kids. and explain that it is sore.. let them bring you ice packs for the "boo boo" even if it is simply a cool towel to lay on your stomach.. if it doesn't work for you.. just pretend to use it and show how much better you feel because they did it for you... or if dr has ordered warm compresses... let them bring the DRY towel..

have daddy give them a small blanket that is "JUST" what made you feel better.

let them participate in your recovery.. Daddy can make the sandwich and they can bring it to you... put a drink for you in a cup with a lid or a jar so it won't spill if dropped.

right now they feel left out.. and pushed away. Place some padding over your tummy and let them hug you.. it won't be as bad as you think.. and this is a great time to teach them how to be gental and understand.

just remember if you don't tell them ... they will put it in terms they know.. and they don't always get it right. Kids even 2yr old have minds and they will work with what they have to make sense of their world.. even if their answer is that you don't love them anymore.

I know sounds harsh.. but... let me tell ya.. I was a two year old who made sense of her world... and got it wrong.. and it took years to get it right. it took until I was 14yo just to realize that what I thought was wrong... because my mind knew what it knew. then I had to fix it and that work continued into my early 20's.... !!!

no phycologist back then.. well they had them but no one knew what was going on in my head.. and at first I didn't know it was not normal thinking... and somethings I might have mentioned but I was afraid to make them mad at me... and they would take me back and leave me, so I had to do it on my own..

my case was a bit extreme I admit.. I was in a hospital at the age of two until I was almost 4... it left a scar both physically and mentally.. but no one knew.. I didn't want to rock the boat and have them leave me again. LOL

these are the workings of a childs mind. one who didn't get it right.

your situation is minor by comparison.. but... in their world.. it is no less important. I am not saying they will be scared for life.. they won't .. but for this moment.. they are doing what they can with the little vocabulary and experience they have.

so.. talk to them.. and let them cuddle with you.. daddy can help place them.. make that moment special.. and they can understand that you have a REALLY BAD boo boo... and it hurts... so be careful... it really is a good time to teach them to be gental...
Unread 04-08-2010, 09:48 AM
Re: Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

I had mine done on 3/16 and I have three children ages 8 5 and the baby just turned 2. The youngest I breastfed until he was all most 19 mths old so he is such a momma boy. The day I came home my two youngest came in and climbed up in my lap. I tell them mommy has a boo boo on belly and they never really hit on it. I am three weeks out and I still have some issues with kidney infections but I really only took it easy for the first day or two b/c I did not have the support b/c my husband could not take first week off and my mom was in town but not much help at all. Just do what you can with them and try to explain to them in a way they can understand that u have a boo boo.
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Unread 04-08-2010, 10:00 AM
Re: Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

Hi Pcan:
whe children have a routine, specially if you are a very active mom, seen you in bed can really worry them and feel out of place. they are affraid that something bad may happen to you. I have three kids, between 15 and 9, and they didnt know how to act around me, just worrying something wrong may happen. Just assure them that you are ok, give lots of kisses, gentle hugs, read books to them, wathc movies with them, cuddlin gup with you, just let them know they cannot touch you on you belly and everything will be ok.
Unread 04-08-2010, 10:11 AM
Re: Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

Hi Pcan,

I have 2 kids--6 and 9. My son is 6, and he definitely had a harder time than my daughter, who is 9. I work at the school where they are, and he even had to go to the principal's office the week I was in the hospital. This was his first time there, as he is definitely not a troublemaker. How embarrassing!!!!

It took about a week, and he saw that I was getting better, and he kind of calmed down after that because he knew I am going to be okay. It is 3 weeks later, and each day for me is slow--I had a TAH--but both of my kids know it will be okay; I just need time to recover.

Your kids are part of you, so they know when something's not right. Keep reassuring them in a way they can understand. They will get it eventually. Don't worry too much though--kids are resilient. You need to heal and take care of you too. Keep them in a routine as much as possible. That will help. Get some help doing that too.

Hang in there!
Unread 04-08-2010, 11:47 AM
Re: Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

It will take a little while, and as others here have said, this is a big disruption of their routine. The kids know that Mommy is not OK and in their own way they are worrying and needing extra comfort. I bet you're usually the one who takes care of that!

My kids are older (18, 14 and 8) and even at those ages they acted out in their way. I was too sick to celebrate my son's 18th birthday, and that's not something I'll get back. BUT my kids have all gotten a mom who isn't in daily pain. I'm still dealing with some fatigue, but the pain relief is SUCH a relief.

Get your kids to bring all their favorite read-aloud books over and have lots of special "reading with Mommy" time. Watch favorite movies together. I bet in their own way they will want to take care of you. I remember when my daughter (now 14) was a preschooler. If anyone in the house felt sick in any way--even just a cold--she would go get her own little blanket and a favorite stuffed animal and bring it to that person. It was so sweet and she felt like she was helping.
Unread 04-08-2010, 01:26 PM
Re: Kids mentioned - Kids out of sorts

My kids are 16, almost 9 and 13. The 13yr old is developmentally about 5-6. She had the hardest time with me being in the hospital. She has alot of health problems and requires alot of care. She's not used to anyone other than me tending to her. I'm glad i have a couple days before spring break starts to rest and sleep during the day. I'm a single mom so that makes things a bit harder. My neighbor has been great helping with the kids, meals and anything that needs to be done.

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