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Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues?? Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

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  #1  
Unread 04-22-2010, 11:42 AM
Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

(If I'm posting this is in the wrong place feel free to move but cant find any place better suited..)

Ok.. so it has been a year since I've been on this board. This was my rock before, during and after my hysterectomy. But after a conversation with a friend last night I started wondering... has your hysterectomy had long term effects on your marriage?

I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago who said his wife and him started having problems after her hysterectomy and the dr had told him to prepare himself for it because personality wise she could change.. permanently. I was surprised by this and when he asked if my surgery had changed me I automatically said No. But then another friend asked me last night if my surgery had effects on my marriage also. My husband and I are preparing to separate. Now that I look back on the past few years since my surgery I'm starting to think just maybe they are right. My feelings towards my husband started to change around that time I think. We've grown much further apart since and now basically treat each other like roommates more then anything. The passion that was once there is no longer. I do not hate the man, he's not a horrible person, he's a good dad and has never hurt me, cheated etc. He's just not what I feel I need. Now, dont get me wrong, he's made poor decisions and actions that have definitely assisted in the decision to separate but nothing to point where there is hatred there.

So I guess my question is: Do you think having the surgery impacted your relationship on a permanent level and/or do you think your personality has changed on a permanent level??
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  #2  
Unread 04-22-2010, 12:39 PM
Re: Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

I can't answer your question because I am and was a widow when I had my surgery, but I want to make a suggestion.

We have a Polling forum where you can do an actual poll. You can ask your question, and perhaps the choices could be 1) yes - definitely 2) yes - a little 3) no, not at all

Of course, you can make the poll any way you want to. You can also ask that respondents respond with a reply as well.

Here's the link to the Polling Place forum:

https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/forumdisplay.php?f=144

After you type your message and before you click SUBMIT, scroll down for polling options.
  #3  
Unread 04-27-2010, 09:10 AM
Re: Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

I am 5 months post hysterectomy, and I DO believe it has made me re-evaluate everything, and things that I used to just let go now just seem to scream at me. The things I thought I could just 'deal with' before are now things that put me over the edge. My husband is good to the kids but has not been very supportive following the surgery, and his repeated question since diagnosis has been, "What about me?"

I want to separate and am just trying to figure out how to tell him. My intent is not to hurt him, but I just don't feel he's what I need anymore. It's so hard to explain.
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  #4  
Unread 06-02-2010, 12:57 PM
Re: Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

Hi i am in my 3rd month of hysterectomy, yes there is life after,i have had sex with my loving husban it's still all the same plus i had gull blater removed 5-20-10 i a'm 49 years old. You need to move around stay active,do yard work,go for small hikes,go out for drinks,movies,good luck
  #5  
Unread 06-02-2010, 01:58 PM
Re: Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

Hi Danielle - very interesting thoughts, here. I am still only three weeks out. I have spent a lot of time on here reading posts and of course going through my own long process since knowing I needed surgery. I wonder if part of it is just that it makes you less tolerant, and more motivated to "not take any **** that isn't working for you", in terms of being all you can be and making the most of life. I know that everything leading up to surgery was tough on my relationship/DH and I have shown my appreciation to him for the specific things he did for me that I genuinely appreciated. However, here have been a few things in our relationship (relatively new) that I know I will eventually resent if we don't change our pattern/habits. So those are the things that I am resolved to deal with instead of internalizing it. I was previously married for 13 years, so I know how it feels for a great thing to dwindle away....it's a painful lonely process. Is it possible that your relationship was already at a crossroads, and this just put you in the frame of mind to turn in the direction that was best for you personally? It's really hard stuff, isn't it. Wishing you all the best and wishing you the strength to do what you need to do, and in the manner that gives you the most peace.
  #6  
Unread 08-10-2010, 07:03 PM
Re: Hysterectomy and Marriage Issues??

My TAH is Aug 16-2010 and I am 30. i have had to take 6 rounds of a depolupron type shot that has put me into a medicale menopause off and on since i was 18 and that would take a toll on us during that time. Every one we/he talks too says I will change, be mean, hateful, not like him, want have sex all that and I think now he has it in his head that is what has to happen so even if I am the sweetest person on earth he will see it diffrent. He knows I have to have the surgrey for myself and for him in a way so he is okay with it. But he has made the comments already. We are on thin ice right now any how and have said one more big fight and that is it. A lot of that has to do with all my pain, bleeding, NO SEX, and looking after a 4 year old too.
So in the back of my mind I am thinking not only am I getting rid of this mess inside of me but wil I be ending my 10 year marrige too?? It puts a strain on me. I was having second thoughts then last few days i have cyst ruperture, and high temps. Those things have GOT TO GO!!!!!

I am looking foward to hear more on this topic, as long as it's not bad for you all....
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