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  #1  
Unread 10-11-2001, 04:30 PM
DH a wreck!

Hi,
Went to the Dr. for pre-op appt yesterday and I am feeling pretty good about having a TAH-BSO on Monday. My DH on the other hand is a nervous wreck!! Has this happened to any one else? He doesn't even want to talk to anyone about it!
Nicky
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  #2  
Unread 10-11-2001, 07:12 PM
DH a wreck!

Hi Nicky, I'm sorry your hubby is so stressed out. Maybe he needs to educate himself about what you are going through now and how your health will improve after surgery. My husband knew I was determined to have surgery and after witnessing me bleed through clothes, sheets, on furniture etc.... he knew it was in my best interest to have a hysterectomy. We shy away from the unknown so its normal to be nervous and unsure. If it helps, tell him that you are in contact with lots of women who have gone through what you are getting ready to, and things will be different for a few weeks while you recover, but after you do, you will feel so much better and your quality of life will improve a great deal!!!! My husband says its the best thing that has happened to me..... (other than being married to him of course)!!
Good luck!!!!!
MB
  #3  
Unread 10-11-2001, 07:50 PM
DH a wreck!

Hi Nicky, my S/O is stressed out more than I am. I think this is somewhat understandable, I mean, I'll be out of it while she waits patiently for the doc to come out and say everything went fine. Plus I think our S/Os hate to see us in pain and feel helpless about making us feel better.

doreen
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  #4  
Unread 10-12-2001, 04:45 AM
DH a wreck!

Hi ladies!!!

I found my S/O was a basket case and closed up like a clam for me at first...

One of the first things I did was come here and print up the list that is availble on how family can hlep the punctured princess..I posted it on the fridge and lo and behold he read it!!! that was a start...(you can find it in the pull down menus for ladies in waiting)

Then I started telling him about this site and the info I had learned in llittle bits at a time..everday I would share something new..then I started printing things about the surgery and leaving them lying around so he could read them when he thought noone was looking...I also found out he started talking to some of the guys at work and found out a lot about other wives and the fact they lived thru it...

Many men are scared to death...they have this age old idea that they are there to "fix things" and this is something they can't fix for us...It throws them for a loop...he is probaly more scared than you are at first till he begins to understand what you will be going thru...mine even left the week before surgery (when I thought I needed him the most) to go to virgina and came home the day before..But he came thru with flying colors!!!

Try having DH go to a pre-op visit to...that helps when they understand what will be happening to you..

Dawn
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  #5  
Unread 10-12-2001, 07:53 AM
DH a wreck!

Dear Dawn:

Like the other ladies, I think your husband is just reacting normally to the unknown. I totally agree with it being harder on the person waiting for the doc then us zonked out! In a past surgery of mine, i was suppose to be in for no more than 45 mintues. 6 hours later, someone finally came out to talk to my husband and tell him there were complications. I of course knew nothing of this.

Just try to keep him informed and involved. The more he knows, the less scared he will be.

Best of luck, and lots and lots of hugs!
  #6  
Unread 10-12-2001, 08:53 AM
DH a wreck!

Dawn made some excellent points, and I love the idea of leaving printed materials laying around, so he can read them!

My husband was also a wreck. The thing that helped him most, was "doing something". Guys like to fix stuff, not talk about it.

I gave him things he could do to prepare the house for my recovery, such as:

He fixed up the guest room (I slept in there for a week or so, because our bed is really tall, plus, I didn't want him rolling over and bumping me!).

He also put everything I might need at waist height, so I wouldn't have to bend or reach (clothing, cups, juice, toilet paper, etc.).

He went shopping for food and drinks I might want (Ensure was great, helped me get nourishment when I didn't feel like eating).

Doing these things helped him focus on AFTER the surgery, which helped him realize that there would BE an after, and that I would be coming home to him.

I hope this helps!
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