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I don't understand (children mentioned) I don't understand (children mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 05-11-2010, 04:24 AM
I don't understand (children mentioned)

For those of you who don't know me, I am a little over two months out from my hist. I have been doing great for the most part. For some reason, lately I have been very emotional. I am pretty sure it's not menopause because there are no other symptoms. Also, I have been having "periods" no bleeding but achyness and other stuff.

My problem started a few weeks ago and it's getting worse. I just want to be alone all the time now. My husband, who I usually can't get enough of, is even driving me nuts. We are usually very close and I know it hurts him that I am keeping him at arms length, and that's the last thing I want to do.

I just feel like I am losing my mind and everyone is so dismissive. The other day in Wal-Mart I broke down crying walking past the baby area. I have four kids and am very lucky to have them. It's not even like I wanted to have more and I had my tubes tied years ago. Idk, I guess it's just the finality of knowing that there is no way that I will never have another child. I am so sad.

To make matters worse, I never went to college. I had my first baby at 18. I have spent my entire adult life being mommy and I just feel so worthless now. I would go back to school, but I have no idea what to study or what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful. I feel like such a whiner knowing how many of you wonderful women were not able to have babies at all. I just can't help the way I feel. Thank you all for being my "sisters" because I can't talk to the biological ones. They have no empathy.
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  #2  
Unread 05-11-2010, 07:00 AM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

I understand your feeling I have two children a son 22 who is graduating college this week and a daughter who will be 19 this month and will be a sophmore in college. I also didn't want any more kids but I think it's the idea that we really can't have them. I just tell myself to look forward to my grandkids some day.

Talk to your doctor about medicine for depression/anxiety. I've been on Lexapro for years and I know this has helped me with my feelings. I didn't want to do HRT so I'm trying to compensate this menopause thing with vitamins and supplements.

As far as feeling worthless you are NOT. You are raising 4 kids. I don't think I could do that. Two was all I could handle. If you want something to do volunteer at the local hospital, library, animal shelter. I'm a Siamese cat lover and do as much for them as I can. I'm sure any of the places in your area would appreciate help. You obviously can handle organizing stuff with 4 kids.

Keep you head up.
  #3  
Unread 05-11-2010, 01:31 PM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

The reply to this post has actually given me an idea myself for what to do w/ the "emptyness" feeling afterward. I am 29 years old and having my hyst. may 27th. I have 3 beautiful little girls that I haven't really been able to appreciate much in the last several months due to all the pain I've been in. I'm in no way looking forward to my surgery-even tho we weren't technically planning on anymore children, it's the finality of it that's going to hurt the most. The never being able to again. But maybe as well as enjoying my children, I can find my place in volenteering, maybe substitute teaching or signing up for a big brother big sister program. Or maybe I'll find myself so busy w/ my own children I won't have time to feel sorry for myself. I hope that's the case. I really don't know what it's going to feel like afterwards but hopefully if nothing else, pain free!!
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  #4  
Unread 05-11-2010, 09:30 PM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

QueenB -

It is not unusual to experience depression after a hysterectomy. Wanting to be alone all the time and not enjoying previously enjoyable activities are potential symptoms of depression.

Having the option and choice to have another child is distressing whether you had wanted more children or not. It is the loss of the choice.

Talk to your Dr. about the possible depression and begin thinking of what you would want to do. Is there something that you really enjoy? As for going back to school and not having an idea what to study, talk to a counsellor at the school. There may be aptitude tests you could take or you might be able to audit some classes to see what interests you. Don't try planning your whole life now, just try handling the next 24 hours and then the next 24 hours.

You are not worthless at all. You are in a searching mode.

:seding:

G.
  #5  
Unread 05-17-2010, 08:40 AM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

I want to thank you all for kind words. I am trying to handle the depression without meds. I may go see a counselor, though. I am just grateful there are people who can understand. I always feel like I have to be the strong one. If I let anyone see me cry they belittle me. (Not dh or my kids) I just feel like I should be able to handle this. My sister had this done a few years ago and she was fine in a couple weeks. Anyway, thank you all for the support. It helps more than you can imagine.
  #6  
Unread 05-17-2010, 03:00 PM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by anonomus View Post
The reply to this post has actually given me an idea myself for what to do w/ the "emptyness" feeling afterward. I am 29 years old and having my hyst. may 27th. I have 3 beautiful little girls that I haven't really been able to appreciate much in the last several months due to all the pain I've been in. I'm in no way looking forward to my surgery-even tho we weren't technically planning on anymore children, it's the finality of it that's going to hurt the most. The never being able to again. But maybe as well as enjoying my children, I can find my place in volenteering, maybe substitute teaching or signing up for a big brother big sister program. Or maybe I'll find myself so busy w/ my own children I won't have time to feel sorry for myself. I hope that's the case. I really don't know what it's going to feel like afterwards but hopefully if nothing else, pain free!!
I have 4 children and I wasn't expecting it to be so hard. It is some easier I think, but if you are like me you will struggle. I did when I found out that my best friend was pregnant just days after my surgery, I did some before as well as many of my friends that were pregnant at the same time I was last were pregnant again. I am 6 months out and there are days that I really struggle. It is so final.
  #7  
Unread 05-17-2010, 04:11 PM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

QueenB -

I understand the try to handle it without meds mindset. Even though I was seeing a counsellor I was trying the same thing but at some point it just got bigger than me. My counsellor was asking me "what do you think you should do" in relationship to going on meds, now mind you he's known me for something like 20 years, I said "I truly can not make the decision." through sobbing tears. He asked if I wanted his opinion and he said "you need the meds".

I was massively in clinical depression. Things are much better now and maybe in a couple of months we'll start dropping out the meds.

I too always try to be the strong one and I erroneously thought that I could handle it without meds. This just got bigger than me for a number of reasons.

Good that you are thinking of going to see someone.



G.
  #8  
Unread 06-02-2010, 08:35 PM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

i went through that phase too. i too didn't want anymore children and thought i was going insane for crying when i saw pregnant women or the one time i sniffed the diapers and cryed( i know crazy right?) i tryed to avoid that baby isle at all costs. my hyst. was in 06. it gets better in time. you have to give yourself a chance to grieve. it took me a while but i eventually moved past that phase. it sounds funny now when i say it but i wrote a goodbye letter to my uterus.
  #9  
Unread 06-12-2010, 08:15 PM
Re: I don't understand (children mentioned)

Sacha10 what a great idea! I actually had an unexpected nervous breakdown today and I still have a little under 2 wks to go before my surgery. I have three boys and had Essure because we had decided to not have anymore. But I broke down big time today I think partially because I don't have a daughter. Went to my primary care doc and am on Wellbutrin and Ativan. He gave me a big hug and agreed with feeling that I have to mourn this. It's final and there is no going back. My mom went through the same thing as well so I called her. She said it didn't hit her until post op but it hit me today when I bought my last pack of Kotex for my upcoming period. I'll be so happy to have this surgery done and not worry about pain and periods and spend that Kotex money on more fun things but there is still an emotional process to go through. I pray you can get back on your feet soon... Much love and hugs!!!
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