Nervous breakdown - less than two weeks until surgery (children mentioned)

Hello!!! I'm new here and have been posting. This is a fantastic site!

Anyway, I'm excited with my surgery approaching (June 24th) and know this is the right thing to do and I'll be better afterward but what I didn't expect was how I was feeling about it in regards to children. My husband and I decided to not have any more children because of so many medical problems plaguing us. I got Essure implants (vasectomy isn't an option for him b/c of all his medical probs and meds he's on). So we've known that more kids is out of the question. However, I still feel like I need to mourn this because this is the final... well, final whatever... I have three great sons - 14, 7, 3 1/2 but I have no daughter. My 7 year old is cross with me for 'not giving' him a sister but he can't understand all that is going on. We explain it the best we can.

Anyway, I had been burying this feeling for about a week now but reading posts here today has helped me realize that this is okay to feel and that morning loosing my womb is something I need to do... and I'm not the only one. I am truly blessed with a great support system. My husband held me when I cried today. I called my mom b/c she had to have a partial after a tubal ligation so I know she knows exactly what I'm going through. She knew this feeling I am feeling and said it hit her post op, but that obviously it's hitting me sooner. I am about to start my LAST period in the next day or so and got some Kotex and it hit me... this is it! This is the last time! I'm happy about it but then it just hits me, this is it... and I suddenly felt empty, like I'm loosing part of myself.

I was diagnosed years ago with bipolar type II (hypomania) but it's not that bad and most days I manage fine without meds... but I learned what my trigger points are so that I can go to my doc for help when I need to. Well, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown today and didn't go to my grandmother's 84th birthday. I've been crying all day and just didn't want to be around anyone. I'll have to make it a point to visit her in the nursing home this week. My 7 yr old son's bday party is tomorrow so I have to attend. I went to my PC doc's right before they closed today and he knows my history and prescribed some Ativan and Wellbutrin for me. I think this will help me move through these steps of loss. Hopefully it will help me get a decent night's sleep without nightmares and night terrors and insomnia and pacing... that started earlier this week and I should have seen this breakdown coming.

But there, I've vented and know it'll be okay from here... just take it one day at a time...

Hi

Glad you felt you could come here to vent.

Sending hugs and best wishes for a smooth surgery and recovery for you.

Thanks to the ladies on this board... I know what I'm feeling is normal and has to be gone through as part of the overall healing in general. It's still hard knowing that I will never have a daughter but my doctor was so sweet and pointed out that in God's plans for me are to have a lot of grand daughters... had never thought about it that way.

On another note, I'm not sure Ativan is really helping. I'm still fidgety and having crying spells and am anxious about everything... my pre op with my gyn is this Thursday so I'll talk to her about it then.