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The What - Ifs and the "C" word The What - Ifs and the "C" word

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Unread 06-12-2010, 08:14 PM
The What - Ifs and the "C" word

I hope it's Ok to get this off my chest. My surgery is 6/21 and I"m beginning to get very panicked. and there is nobody to tell. Everybody keeps saying that I will feel better, but I just want to scream that I feel just fine now, thank-you very much. I don't have fibroids or other painful issues other ladies have. I am post menopuse -no periods for 4 years and I've really been enjoying it. I had irregular bleeding and they found simple and complex hyperplasia with no atypia. So that's NOT cancer at this point I know but then I read that so many times after surgery, people find out that they actually did have cancer that could not be seen or some other organ was affected. My mind is now crazy with the what ifs - what If the test did not see it or were wrong as seems to have also happened to some people. Maybe it's just because I feel fine and then whamo, I need to have a total hysterectomy. And another thing, does anybody experience friends and family know about it, but don't bring it up. That irritates me, too. I'll mention all the things I need to get done before MY SURGERY and they just sort of look at the floor! I come from a family of all males, no sisters. And I have a male child. It's like they know I'm having this, but no one has bothered to call and ask what the date is. And one of them is an OBGYN!! I am the communicator for the family I know, but just this once I wish they would step up. This is also the first surgery I've had without my mother. I know at my age that's silly but my mother was always there every step of the way and know what to do. I do have a wonderful and supportive husband who will be with me, but somehow I just want to curl up in a ball and whine "I want my Mommy". I do Ok during the day, but about this time every night I get panicked with all the what - ifs and feeling hurt that a brother does not call and say "how it's going" or 'anything we can do for you?" or "when IS that surgery?" Any time they have had anything, I have gone and faithfully sat in the waiting room and been there when they came out. Then I go back to see them with a dad gum casserole or whatever! OK - rant over. I'm just scared and a little hurt and want my mommy! Thanks for letting me vent. I should probably go fine that old bottle of "calm down pills."
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Unread 06-12-2010, 08:26 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

I'm so sorry for the apparent lack of concern within your closest circle. I don't know if it's a man thing or what but they like to pretend that a woman problem is a woman problem and not a family problem. I see that kind of behavior with my father in law and his family and it blows me away. I pray that things start to change for the better for you and that everything turns out okay!!! Love and hugs!!!
Unread 06-12-2010, 08:26 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

I was the same pre op, post menopausal and fine until wham, bleeding, biopsy, cancer, surgery. Yes I knew it was cancer so that's different but any cancer or pre cancer is scary. Its almost easier to deal with it than worry about it, in my case. I'm sorry your bros are like mine---not much comfort. At least you have us. I hope your surgery goes well and you have an easy recovery.
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Unread 06-12-2010, 08:50 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

hi Izzy : i know Exactly what you mean! i am so sorry your mommy will not be by your side! trust me you are Never too old to need and want your mom! there's nothing wrong with that at all. my boyfriend always knows when i am really sick w/the flu cuz i Whine for my mom and he says i'll go get her for you. lol. but, my mom has dementia/early onset alzhiemers and so, well my mom may still be here but she's not the same ole mom. i've actually become her mom. and i am feeling the same anxiety about wanting my mom and not Really having her available.
i have one brother and he is so far removed from what i am going through that he wants to take mom to visit CT where we grew up together the weekend after my surgery ... and he asked if i could go down to moms to take care of her cat while they are gone!! i really just had to laugh. he's so much like our father and such a typical man. so, i can relate to how you're feeling.
i wish i could think of something to help you to feel better! but just know i'll be thinking of you and if you need a shoulder you can send me a private message any time. be well and well, maybe reach out to your brothers and tell them what you need..? i know if i do not spell it out for my brother he wouldn't have a clue and i've had to accept that's the way he is, god love him. also, when i do tell him what i need he does step up. and i think he would feel aweful if i needed something from him and didn't spell it out for him. i'm sure your brothers love and care about you. still - Moms are just the best. i hear ya. be well and take care
Unread 06-12-2010, 09:05 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

Sorry you are going thru this, it is never fun. I've been fight cancer for two and a half years now. There is a Cancer Forum, the ladies are great, can share their experiences and provide great support as we have all been down that cancer road.

I would like to end this with a quote from a grest hystersister Ellen, "Never Waste A Good Panic". Hard but very good advice. I've learned to do this myself as I can not control the outcome of my tests and until they tell me the journey is over, which honestly, I'll be the decider of that, then I will panic. Read my signature and you can see all I have been thru and I'm about to have Cyberknife this coming week for three days followed by six more months of chemo. Please try not to think the worst or borrow trouble. Ask the doctor if you can take something for your nerves until the surgery, you will find this helps out tremendously.
Unread 06-12-2010, 09:07 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

Also, I am a single mother of two teenage boys and my support team does not live near by. So I am the only one running my household and taking care of things. This can be done.
Unread 06-12-2010, 10:05 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

Hi, Izzybeth! You can vent all you want & you can rant all you want & you can miss your mom all you want & we are all here with you tonight! Thinking of you.
Unread 06-12-2010, 10:56 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

Hi Izzybeth,

I understand how you are feeling, I am also worrying about the "C" word. I have a 5.5 cm cyst with a nodule with irregular borders on my right ovary and eventhough my CA 125 test came back a "3" I know that there is still a possibility of Cancer. My total hysterectomy is scheduled for next tuesday 6/15 and I have the same problem with family members, since they do not show much support or concern in past ocassions, this time I opted for not telling anyone, just my husband, daughters and my brother who is a doctor and the only one who cares. My advise is to leave it in God's hands, he will be with you and the doctor and he will give you strength to go through the surgery and heal you from all your diseases. This is my comfort right now. We will be fine...blessings and a speed recovery!!!
Unread 06-12-2010, 11:22 PM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

izzybeth -

Sorry to hear that you aren't getting the support that you so need at this time

Pre-cancer or cancer doesn't matter once you hear the "c" word it sort of sucks the breath out of you and can shut down all other senses. I've been there done that and bought that t-shirt.

I am totally with you on being one of the ones that "felt just fine" and than all of sudden cancer (in my case I knew before surgery) and hysterectomy! I despised reading posts and hearing people talking about "feeling so great", mine was the exact reverse I felt fine before surgery after surgery is when I had the pain (surgery recovery, surgical menopause for me, etc.).

Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow (a wise sister here told me when I was prepping) right now they have told you pre-cancer so leave it at that. If it is cancer hopefully it will be early stage enough that you won't need further treatment.

If you feel the need either now or post surgery stop by the Cancer Concern forum. We have members there that range from pre-cancer on up and they are very supportive.

Unread 06-13-2010, 09:01 AM
Re: The What - Ifs and the "C" word

((( Izzy ))), your situation sounds so much like mine did when I learned of my need for a hysterectomy
I was 3 years post menopausal, feeling just fine - no problems that I was aware of. But, when I had my well woman exam, my dr found cervical polyps. I went in for a polypectomy, hysteroscopy and D&C. The test results showed dysplacia and hyperplasia and a pre-cancerous uterine tumor. A hyst was recommended by 3 drs. I was upset, worried and very emotional about it all. I, too, wanted my mom. She watched over me from heaven ( I really do believe that ). My surgery went pretty well, pathology results were good, no cancer! I have my annual exams ( every 3 months at first ). I'll be celebrating my 8 year hysterversary soon and am still doing well. I hope for the same good results for you.

Best wishes.


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