NO patience with DH lately...

I love my DH with all my heart and soul, but really-he is getting upset with the silliest things since my surgery...tonight, we (he) argued about wontons and moo-shu pancakes...are they the same thing or different?

I say two different things, but in the end, don't really give a ****. He feels the need to go online and prove me wrong...and then turn it into a big deal..."you never just take what I say for what it is".

We are having a conversation about Chinese food. Does it really matter if moo-shu pancakes and wontons are the same thing? Or if I thought they might be different? Really?

OMG. Things need to be "normal" again soon...

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Originally Posted by NHrunner I love my DH with all my heart and soul, but really-he is getting upset with the silliest things since my surgery...tonight, we (he) argued about wontons and moo-shu pancakes...are they the same thing or different? I say two different things, but in the end, don't really give a ****. He feels the need to go online and prove me wrong...and then turn it into a big deal..."you never just take what I say for what it is". We are having a conversation about Chinese food. Does it really matter if moo-shu pancakes and wontons are the same thing? Or if I thought they might be different? Really? OMG. Things need to be "normal" again soon...

Well, I think maybe our husbands are having a hard time dealing with us being down and out, as we are usually the ones taking care of them and they aren't used to taking care of us. Reason I say this is I am 6 weeks post op and my DH has been for the most part absolutely wonderful, but he's having his moments lately as he thinks I need to "push myself to do more" as that will make me recover more quickly!!! I wanted to hit him with something!!! Everything I have read and even what my Dr has told me is to not push myself as that could cause complications, if it hurts stop doing it, which means I can't walk for more then 2 hours at the grocery store or mall or I pay dearly for it for at least 12 hours afterwards! I told him when he called the Dr. or read anything on the subject to let me know!! Also, my husband loved to prove he is always right too, but after 18 yrs of marriage I no longer even argue with him, as I think that is just what he wants, instead I just tell him that of course he's right and that shuts him up instantly! (and I just smile to myself as I feel I now know how to "win" silly arguments with him!!)
I will pray for you, as we don't need this stress when we are trying to heal!!

I understand where you are coming from.

Don't get me wrong for the last 3.5 weeks he has been wonderful. Sleeping downstairs on the couch, making dinner and clean up. But nowhe is focusing on the sexual element missing in his life.

And although he is not pushing me to do anything beyond the doctors recommendation of 6 weeks, he keeps telling me that the minute the clock strikes midnight on day 6 weeks and 1 he is going to **** me silly. I replied "you need to be gentle because I will still be healing" He said "I waited 6 weeks there is no being gentle."

I am now extremely short and irritable around him because I have nothing but anxiety over day 6 weeks and 1. MEN!!!

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Originally Posted by Ashtoy And although he is not pushing me to do anything beyond the doctors recommendation of 6 weeks, he keeps telling me that the minute the clock strikes midnight on day 6 weeks and 1 he is going to **** me silly. I replied "you need to be gentle because I will still be healing" He said "I waited 6 weeks there is no being gentle." I am now extremely short and irritable around him because I have nothing but anxiety over day 6 weeks and 1. MEN!!!

I got the okay for sex at 6 weeks but my dr told me no deep penetration and to take it easy for the first few times until I feel comfortable. He said I should be on top to control the penetration level. Everything went ok for me as my DH was gentle and understood. I think you should try talking to your DH again and explain this to him. Even at 6 weeks and if you get the okay things are still not 100% back to normal. Good luck with your situation. I hope some of your anxiety about it all settles down.

Maybe when you go for your six week followup you can insist DH goes with you. That way, he will hear it directly from the doctor exactly what the orders are for resuming intimate relations.

My DH was pretty awesome too, but I wish I had him come to the 6 week followup. He didn't push or anything, but it would have been nice to have two sets of ears listening to all the information and instructions.

i'm embarrassed to say, i have been more snappy and blunt with dh the past three weeks than ever before. like there is NO filter!! dh and i are BFF, and have a deeply satisfying marriage, but i can't believe how straightforward my comments have been -- i must sound like a "grumpy old hag" sometimes, and can't even stop myself!! i can only attribute this to the overall stress of surgery and fatigue of recovery. there is no reserve energy, and no extra lungpower for saying things twice, or taking too long to say them, or having to holler (my kids love that!), or beating-'round-the-bush. just out it comes -- clear as a bell the first time! and unfortunately, i find myself expressing comments on everything, especially the little things that are being neglected or not done to my satisfaction. i know everyone is trying (not hard enough, i think!), so this "unfiltered" side of me is probably a reflection of my feelings about having no control and little input on the tasks i used to be in charge of, and the things i wish i could start doing again.

dh's support has been wonderful, but i know he was overloaded. we also had several things turn into crises in my first couple weeks, that added extra pressure. (try adding a sick dog and a broken well-water pump -- over the weekend -- into a full household of six where the mom is a non-contributor, haha!) -- yer right, NOT funny!!

so, today dh has left me. just for ten days, but still -- he practically ran from the car when i dropped him at his friend's house. going fishing with the guys, their annual outing to a remote location (seriously, no phones, no electricity!). so i'm not feeling too bad for him anymore. if it were him that just had surgery, i'd have at least expressed reluctance to abandon him, would have made a good show of feeling like i ought to stay home and let the girls go on without me one year...but no, dh said, "i'm going to really miss you..." then he got that twinkle and far away look in his eye, and added, "do you know where my waterproof pants are?" he couldn't wait to leave!!! i think someone wrote some country music song like this...

absence makes the grow fonder, so no doubt he's hoping i appreciate him all the more by the time he comes home. well, it's the truth -- let him have his fun, just bring him home safely LORD! and help me find that missing filter... ultimately, i am a blessed wife, i know it.