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Strain on marriage Strain on marriage

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Unread 07-25-2010, 06:44 AM
Strain on marriage

I never imagined that the decision for a TVH would put such a strain on my marriage. My husband and I have been married for just about 3 years. I'm almost 43 and he is almost 46. We discussed having a child and set a time limit. Pregnancy happen and resulted in a miscarriage. No other pregnancy after that. I have mennorrhea that has become increasingly worse over the past several months. TVH is scheduled for 8/16. The distance that is now between my husband and I is something I never thought would happen. He is VERY angry at life and is wishing his life away. He is mad at me for taking away his chance to become a father...although I didn't. We went through all sorts of testing and he was the problem. I reminded him of that and things just got ugly from there. I need this TVH. I need his support.
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Unread 07-25-2010, 06:54 AM
Re: Strain on marriage

It sounds like you both might feel better talking to a third party in couples counseling. I highly encourage you to contact a psychologist or Marriage and Family therapist to be a neutral, objective and compassionate help. It's not unusual to have reactions like your husband's, and I can certainly understand feeling overwhelmed by his irrational anger. I'll be sending you healing prayers...
Unread 07-25-2010, 11:41 AM
Re: Strain on marriage

My prayers are with you. You need to focus on staying positive and strong--this is a HUGE part of your recovery. Please remember that none of this is your 'fault' and God has a plan for us all. You need to take care of yourself--the next few months will be hard, both physically and mentally. Surround yourself with positive, loving people. Keep coming back here! Have you two talked about adoption? When you are strong and back to yourself, you should consider it. Just because you can't 'make' a baby, doesn't mean you can't love one!! I will pray for you and your husband. STAY STRONG!

P.S. I strongly agree with 'kimnan' about counseling. Do everything you can.
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Unread 07-25-2010, 12:53 PM
Re: Strain on marriage

i have three biological sons and one adopted daughter and i can tell you the way i feel is no different. i love them them all the same as they all grew in my heart. I think you will be a wonderful adoptive mother as you appear to be being very patient with your none blood related husband who is behaving like a spoilt child.
Unread 07-25-2010, 01:01 PM
Re: Strain on marriage

Do not mind me asking but is adoption an option for you guys? I have one adopted daughter (oldest), two biological children from invitro, and from this marriage, I have 4 stepdaughters, all of whom I love to pieces. My second husband and I tried to have a son, but the polyps in my system took his life. In the end when all is said and done with the kids or no kids, your marriage started with the two of you and GOD and will end with the two of you and GOD. Life's plans change. Two becomes one in a marriage and no one is at fault for our bodies, its the way God made us and we adjust.

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