Am I being to sensitive? (baby mentioned)

Good morning Sisters! After my LSH-BSO on 7/15 I was an emotional wreck. Since my dr put me on the Vivelle Dot I'm a bit better but still not 100%. I was rather sad that many of my so called friends have not called or come by since I've been home. Even my Pastor didn't come by for over a week. On this past Wednesday one of the girls from my church had a baby. Today I get a FB message asking me if I'd like to prepare a meal for her and her family! It has really upset me. I'm still not really doing much cooking for my own family. Am I being stupid? I've tried to stay away from the situation because for the past several weeks at church that's all anyone talked about was the upcoming birth. As hard as I tried I couldn't hold back the tears when I read on FB how many people have visited them in just 5 days. I am really trying to control my feelings and am hoping it's just my hormones that are out of control right now. I just wish people would understand that even though I look well on the outside that I'm still healing emotionally on the inside. I really feeling like this. I'm so happy to have this board where I can share my feelings with my sisters who've gone through this and truely do understand. Love you all and praying for a happy Monday for each of you.

I don't think you are being too sensitive. It would hurt my feelings too. I don't believe it is a personal slight, however. People (especially men) don't know what to say to women who have had hysterectomies. Sometimes I think they are afraid we will tell them details they don't want to hear! I would definitely respond to the FB request with something like, "although I rejoice in the birth of the new baby, I am currently recovering from major surgery and am therefore unable to cook". Sorry people aren't coming through for you, sweetie. Feel better soon!

Wow, I don't think you're being too sensitive at all! I, too, would have my feelings hurt. I agree with the poster above about mentioning on facebook that you can't cook because of major surgery.

I would be really upset. I would add to the suggestion above "and am having difficulty cooking meals for my family yet". I do think they don't realize how much help you need yourself. Is there a church friend you could confide in as to the help you need, so she could enlighten the rest? It is discouraging to get so ignored. I didn't tell a lot of people so its my own fault I didn't get more help but if I had a church I'd expect more. But you may need to ask for help and put out that all is not so well. I do think if they "got it" they sound like they might help. I'm sorry this happened. Hope things get better.

You are not being too sensitive. Take care of yourself emotionally, and don't feel bad about not bringing a dinner to someone who is obviously getting a lot of meals. When I was dealing with infertility, I had many friends who had many babies, and I got to the point where I couldn't take a meal to any of them. And you know what? They understood and it didn't affect our friendship.

If anyone offers to bring you a meal, say yes! I have a hard time with that, but the meals we have received have been a lifesaver.

Hang in there. Sending you a hug.

What you are feeling is normal. It is also normal for people to avoid the sick or anything else that is unpleasant (even the church people) and concentrate on the happier news.

I once had a co-worker, a lovely man who's wife found that she had breast cancer after the birth of her second child at a young age. He told me that a number of her friends just disappeared, no calls, no cards etc. How awful, but also very typical I find as experience has shown me over the years.

I have to say that this surgery, the friendship thread and a few other recent experiences has me thinking about the meaning of friendship and I see clearly that many people that we call or consider friends are really just social acquaintances that are there for the good times but will probably be missing in action should your life fall apart. I believe that this trait holds true for church members as well regardless of how one might wish to believe that it isn't so. They are human and if they came to visit you when ill or post surgery, they were probably a good friend or less likely, doing their "duty" to visit the sick. Either way, the attention will always be less than you wish or probably deserve.

Art unfortunately reflects life and pretty much every movie or book that depicts a character in a declining life situation experiencing setbacks or losses also shows them losing many of their friends and their social network. Storytellers show this partly because it makes a good copy but also because it reflects life and reality. Based on animal behavior (pack shunning, leaving the ill/old to die if they can't keep up) I would say that we as humans are advanced enough to not as openly do these things to but I think it is hardwired into our DNA to distance ourselves from the weak and infirm. I guess we should all be glad that for the most part that this surgery is a temporary blip on an otherwise normal life.

Certainly it hurts your feelings to not receive the same attention as the birth family (and I have to say that it seems like a lot of hullaballoo for a birth) but it's not personal.

Hugs to you.

Cat

Oh sweetie, I think you sound pretty normal to me. I would politely refuse to help with a meal. I am sorry you feel so alone and abandoned by your friends. Hang in there.

I think sometimes people really really dont understand what we have been through. They don't mean to be insensitive. They just don't think. And, the recovery phase is hard on a number of levels. The rest of the world just keeps on going, and yours just stops!

Hang in there. Its ok to cry, and grieve. Talk to your doctor again if you need too. But it sounds to me like you just have to walk through this. You mentioned church, so I am going to assume you are a believer. Tell Jesus how you feel, give him all those emotions and ask Him to be your strength for you. I have found I simply can not walk this road by myself or even with my wonderful family and friends. The other night I just told Him, I can not do this, please help me, and then I said...no wait, please just do it for me, cause I just cant'.

Hang in there sister!

I understand exactly what you are going through! When I had my surgery at the end of April, I went through the same exact thing, including with my so-called church family. Admittedly, I didn't share the news of my upcoming surgery with everyone, but I did tell those I considered my closest friends. I was very disappinted and let down by their behavior. I saw first-hand that most people are so wrapped up in their own lives, they often don't have time for others. I try my very best to always be there for my friends, and that includes cooking meals and helping with errands or kids, whatever, but some of my "friends" didn't even call to check on me. One friend sent me an email one week post-op wanting to know if I was back at work and seemed shocked when I told her I wasn't! (I ended up back in the hospital the very next day for four days due to a really bad infection and hematoma, so no, I wasn't back at work!). I am still hurt by their actions (or lack of), but I've tried to move past it and just remember how I felt so that when someone I know goes through something like this, maybe I can be a better friend to them. I learned that, honestly, there are probably only a very, very few people in life we can truly count on and if we are blessed enough to have them, hang on to them!