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The latest dilemma The latest dilemma

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  #1  
Unread 09-06-2010, 03:47 PM
The latest dilemma

Ok, so.

My sister-in-law has decided to come to the spa down the road from us for a pre-natal massage - a couple of weeks after my surgery.

I'm surprised how disgruntled I'm feeling about it; I thought it would be fine, but the idea of it really upsets me. I specifically asked for her not to come for it at that point (I mean, she's had several months to arrange this!!)

She announced her pregnancy the day I told family about my hysterectomy, and although we have to listen to her stuff - she's never been in touch to ask how I am. My parents-in-law barely mention my surgery, it's like if it doesn't get mentioned it will just go away.

I don't want to cause some big family upset, but as much as her news is happy - there's part of me that would really like the same sort of consideration to get through ours. If not for me, then for my husband - his folks just seem to have forgotten he's going through a big thing too.

Sorry I'm rambling on, it's just a really confusing situation and I wish I knew how to make it feel better.
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  #2  
Unread 09-06-2010, 04:07 PM
Re: The latest dilemma

I am sorry to hear about your dilemma. I can't totally sympathize as none of my sister-in-laws are pregnant, but I can understand with your in-laws and their apparent lack of caring. My MIL finally called me 1 time about 2 1/2 weeks post op. She started the conversation with, "oh, hi" like she didn't expect me to answer the phone. Her next comment was that she had never heard of anyone getting out of the hospital 1 day after a hyst. She then proceeded to move on to the next subject. Never a "how are you", "do you need anything", "how's (my husband) doing" nothing - just on in her own little world. She lives about 1/2 hour from us so not like she couldn't have visited or done something, etc. I am not complaining mind you, just letting you know that others are in the same boat and can sympathize. Let them go and surround yourself with friends and family that do care about you! You need positive thoughts and feelings, not negative!! Good luck to you!! and Hang in there!!
  #3  
Unread 09-07-2010, 02:27 AM
Re: The latest dilemma

I am sorry to say that a lot of women on this site meet with very insensitive and even rude family members and friends. people do not realise what exactly it is that we are going through, and that if they cannot be supportive they had better stay away completely, because they only make things worse. have a good look around the site and you will see it all over the place, and not only "normal"people; doctors and nurses too!
maybe realising this will help us all to forgive them, while staying out of their sight. I do not need anybody's stupid remarks at the moment, but I cannot really blame them because it seems so normal to say what they are saying. it is more stupidity and ignorance than malice.
All I can say is that you are at the right place here for support.
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  #4  
Unread 09-07-2010, 11:28 AM
Re: The latest dilemma

My step mil is always comparing our gyn problems and it always seems to come out with her problems being worse or something I don't know. She is so not for me getting a hysterectomy. She actually said I was stupid for having my overies removied at such a young age, she said. I have taken the attiude that this my body I can choose things for myself and I am have informed myself through a DR. and all I need is my husband to help through this. So beleive me I know how some family's can be. I know its hard on the hubbys tho.
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