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4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support! 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

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  #1  
Unread 10-19-2010, 06:52 AM
4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

Hi......I am a bit frustrated. I am 4 weeks post op robotic assisted abdominal hysterectomy. Went back to work lightly at 2.5 weeks. Worked last week and felt pretty well energy-wise. (though spotting has been non stop as has bleeding from a significant vaginal tear).

Weekends are nuts and I feel like I am getting no support at home. I do homework, dinner, dishes, cleaning etc. I have spoken with DH but everything he does requires a discussion/fight. I feel like people have to start pulling some weight here or I am destined to fail in fully recovering my energy.

Am very very teary today. I feel like I could cry. I am worried that I won't feel better as a result of this surgery which is of course the reason I had it.


I love my family. I felt pretty great at 1 and 2 weeks when I rested during the day. Thats not possible now but I dont want to back track. What do I do? How do I get DH to help? I feel like the "recovering from surgery" card lost its power at 3 days post op.

On the flip side.....I have jeans on today and a belt so physically I feel like my abdomen is much less swelled and looks more normal.

I am exhausted!! Help!!!!!!
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  #2  
Unread 10-19-2010, 07:08 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

Sorry you are not getting much support at home. If it were me I would help the kids with homework and do nothing else. Well, I guess that depends on how old your kids are. I would print out the "Hysterectomy Checkpoints" and make sure to set it out where your DH will see it. There is also an article that I think is named Misterhystersister. You are right, you don't want to go backwards or extend your recovery time. Keep coming here for your mental support!
  #3  
Unread 10-19-2010, 08:04 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

I think what you are going through is very normal. I felt great week two and three and last week I felt awful. Today is my 5 week anniversary LAVH. It didn't help that my father in law landed in the hospital and everyone forgot I was still recovering. My support dried up and I started doing too much, feeling I had to. When I started feeling miserable I did some research, finding that weeks 4-5 can be the worst, but you have to be really careful so you don't do yourself damage you will regret. Everyone thinks you are better, but the increase in activity is hard on you. I actually emailed my husband some articles on scar tissue and adhesions and how important it was to be careful and that seemed to help. He cleaned the entire house on Saturday. I think you have to give the men some sort of concrete proof that this is a serious surgery and you do need to recover properly. Too bad they can't just listen to what we are saying about our bodies. :-) I think their enthusiasm for helping wanes after a while and they want to be taken care of!

The emailing was good because it gave him some time before he got home from work to think about it and it avoided the argument. It also helped that it was "expert" opinions and not just me complaining.

I hope you slow down a bit, it is not backtracking. There is a reason docs give you a recovery time!!! Because that's how long it takes to recover.

Another thing I have in my arsenal is the fact that my sister ended up with a bowel obstruction about a year after her hyst due to scar tissue from the hyst. Another abdominal surgery and 6 weeks of recovery. You don't want to put yourself at risk for serious problems later.

Maybe you can rely on a friend or another family member to step up and help. Or even hire someone to clean, etc, if that is within your budget.

Most of all remember it is just housework and it will still be there tomorrow! Be Scarlett O'Hara!!
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  #4  
Unread 10-19-2010, 08:27 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

I totally agree with Augustasmypuppy. I had the robot assisted also. Weeks 1 & 2 were great. Weeks 3-4 were difficult, and I didn't go back to work. I think it's that the inside stitches are healing and pulling, and you've feeling pressure and pain when you stand or sit too long. Rest in a horizontal position whenever you can, even if it means shutting down when you're home. You're the only one who needs to give yourself permission to do that.
  #5  
Unread 10-19-2010, 09:03 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

Margme,
I'm 3 1/2 months post op, I went back to work after only a few days off (4), I had a TVH, I was DUMB, but we all have different issue to deal with. Now you going back so soon ?, but you need to REST at home, your family needs to know this. First STOP wearing your norm per surgery clothing at home. As soon as you get home, OFF with the clothing and in to something loose, something that tells them I'd tired and need to rest. Off with the make up, etc... Dont give then the ideal you are doing OK, the way we look makes others around us treat us different. You look good, you must be feeling good. Print out and POST the guild lines of do's and dont's.
I'm 49 and no one at home other than my DH and pets. I did almost nothing for the first 2 1/2 months at home. When I got home from work I was done for the day, and on the weekends, that was my time to rest also, I'd do a few loads of laundry, water the outside plants, make a few meals for the up coming week, and rested lots. my DH and DD's would tell me on Fri's that I looked dead and they could tell I was over doing it M-F, on Mondays I'd be rest and ready to go. Its just now that I'm starting to feel I still have engry on the weekends, but I still try and rest when I can. They say it can be between 12 to 18 months for us to get full engry back like we had before, thats IF we take care of our selfs now.
Now about your 4 week set back, that is norm. go and look at other post chate groups that are between 4 to 6 weeks, and almost everyone will have members who at 4 to 5 weeks felt like they have had set backs, I know for me week 3 I was crying, week 4 I felt weak and worst than when I came home from the hosp, 5 and 6 were like a roller coasters, each day was high or low or a mix. We are all different, but one thing thats the same is we need REST.
Remembers your Systers are here for you. And put your self frist at home. You must rest to get better, and your DH needs to pick up the slack, but if he thinks you look well, you must be well, thats how many think, not just DH, but friends, co workers, and our kids too. Let them see the tired side of you, Most of us don't go back to work until 6 or 8 weeks. So when we have to go back early, we need even more down time at home to heal.
  #6  
Unread 10-19-2010, 10:32 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

Hi!

Week 4 was the worst for me - I think its probably because I felt a lot better, but anytime I tried to do just a little too much I paid for it dearly at night. I am a single mom to teens..and always feel like if I don't do 'it', 'it' will never get done. It was extremely difficult for me to rest when I had a list in my head of everything that needed to get done etc.

HOWEVER, it is so important to relate to your family that you went thru MAJOR SURGERY. I read somewhere on this site a very wise statement- you may 'look' healed, but there is a LOT of healing going on inside that you can't see or even really feel - and if you don't let your body heal correctly you will pay for it.

I don't believe for a second you've used up your surgery-card! I still use mine - and my surgeries were early September. There are days when I am tired, there are days when I am sore - and I don't ask - I tell my kids I need help -- I don't know the ages of your kids, but you definitely can ask your husband for help. And I have had to let go of my sometimes OCD mentality about keeping the house so clean, or getting every sock washed.

I hope you can find a way to get your family to help out - and trust me, next week you'll probably start feeling a LOT better. I just woke up one day during week 5 and felt completely 'different' - like I turned a corner.

Take care of you -- HUGS!!!
  #7  
Unread 10-19-2010, 11:06 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

Even my 3 1/2 and 5 yr old help. sorting laundry,,moving it from washer to dryer, or basket to dryer, dryer to basket etc. Older one's including DH need to bring basket to different floor. Older DD, and DS unload and load the dishwasher. There's pleanty that everyone can help with....and they will especially if you STOP DOING IT!!!! You need to go back to the beginning and just let some things go,,,,because you are doing other things during the day that are utilizing that energy that would normally be available. You only have one chance to heal right, and if your body is battling fatigue,,,,healing will not be accomplished. I still let things go,,,I have to,,,,floors have only been clean once in 8 weeks, dusting is done when the "babies" are bored...lol. Its ok to still let things go and I believe the more we do, the more us moms are expected to be ok....I dont think its because they dont care,,,its because moms arent supose to be the ones needing the help. Good luck and take it one day at a time. Another thing I would do was look at the real "needs to be done" and just tend to those...all the other stuff would be nice "needs" but just not ready yet. I hope you can find some time to rest and find the strength to let somethings just "go" We are here for you.
  #8  
Unread 10-19-2010, 11:47 AM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

You guys are awesome

I have a 10, 8, and 4 year old. I just emailed DH and told him that we needed to talke about how I am feeling and that we have to allow the kids to help.

DH lived with his single mom who did everything for him. So when i ask the kids to do something, he sometimes coddles them. They are way old enough.

Last night he had a friend sleep over so I washed and changed sheets, made dinner and an appetizer, am washing sheets again todaya, cleanaed up after dinner etc. All without help from DH so he could socialilze. I haven't seen this friend in forever but did not really
feel much like socializing. I think all of this was the straw that broke the camels back. Today I feel just awful.

Your support means a lot. I feel like a few of you must be great moms....I feel lovingly lectured right here on this site! Thanks!
  #9  
Unread 10-19-2010, 12:18 PM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

OMGoodness! Changing a bed is hard work in my book. Just take it easy, girlfriend! I am 4 1/2 weeks and this is definitely an up and down energy level time for all of us! Just stop!!! Instead of our Just Do It attitude, we need to be saying to ourselves, Just Stop!! For now anyway. I am really realizing that maybe even 6 weeks is not going to be a magic healed marker. I don't have my recheck for 12 weeks, with no sex, baths, etc. so I am going to change my goal of feeling way better to the 8 week marker. 6 weeks is only 1 1/2 weeks away. I know I can't pin my hopes on that now. SOOOO.....I am glad you are reevaluating the situation with DH and the kids and that you JUST STOP and remember the advice above....don't always look so put together. I will have to take that one to heart. I do like to look put together, and then people may think we are all together. Let's all do our best to heal on our needed time table.
  #10  
Unread 10-19-2010, 01:03 PM
Re: 4 weeks today...feeling way worse than at 1 and 2 weeks..need support!

margme,
your kids are old enough to help out, and NO you should not be changing beds at this point, maybe striping them, but no way making them, thats a lot of pulling and tugging and your insides are not up to that. Just becasue there are not outside scares to heal and remind you to slow down, does not mean there are not things inside healing. If you need someone to be a mean nagging MOM to you and tell you how it is, well I can do that. I'm 49 and I've been know to be a B-witch at times. I don't like to, but I can. You need to take care of yourself first, if you don't who will. Now remember take off the make up, put on the PJ's when you get home and rest.
Denise
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