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desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

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  #1  
Unread 01-29-2011, 10:32 AM
desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

First, I want to say I truly am grateful for this site and my chance to get info and post this. While I am finding validation and answers here, at the same time I am getting so anxious and teary (yes hormones contributing) about sexual functioning in the future.

I had surgery less than 2 weeks ago and I am working with gyn and psychiatrist (mostly psych) with getting the moods under control. Not there yet, but I remain hopeful.

I had to have(don't know lingo yet) ovaries, tubes, uterus and cervix removed. I still fully agree that had to be done but I felt like the after effects were grossly downplayed to me and I am ANGRY! The cancer risks were rising so high that I think the doctors were so focused on making sure I lived and not so worried about quality of life after.

I know it is early, but I actually have a sex drive for a change. Got excited about that but read here that this is just my body using up the last of the hormones and it will pass. Despite my interest and unusual amount of thinking and fantasizing there is nothing going on down there with the equipment. It is like my entire body is interested (I know, I know this is way early) and it is exciting to have interest....well my entire body except the part I'd like to use in the future. And it has me so sad.

I feel like my sex life is such a loss. I'll dive in and give my TMI b/c I feel like I need to say it for someone to understand all of what puts me in a panic.

I have a sexual abuse history which I spent years on in therapy and ok, I'm ok, all good. The only kind of remnant is that I need partner to get things going before I am interested and I have to actively make a mental leap to have and enjoy sex. Put plainly I rely on the hormones in the physical realm to jump me to where I need to be emotionally.

If one more person tells me that it is largely mental for women to enjoy sex and to use that to get past the physical aspects in order to get going I feel like I am going to scream. The physical gets me past the mental.

And I have since discovered the women who told me hyst and menopause are no big deal with HRT actually were already in menopause and only had their uteruses removed. Seriously? This is where I found my peace in the decision to have the hyst. I am 38 and had the ovaries AND cervix removed too.

So after years of therapy I come to enjoy sex and make it part of my life. Meet my fabulous husband and had a sex life for oh about a year. Then have years of bleeding, borderline ovarian cancer, more cancer scares (benign), two pregnancies through fertlity treatment. All that to say despite the 2 kids running around us we have barely had sex in the last 5 years. We both miss it. We've only known each other just under 7 years.

Now I have come on this site and I have become more discouraged about any chance for us to have an enjoyable sex life.

Please, please, I am absolutely desperate for some positive outcome stories.

Thanks for sticking with such a long vent/plea/story.
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  #2  
Unread 01-29-2011, 11:41 AM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

Larksy -

I had an unanticipated total hysterectomy (uterus + cervix) and BSO (both tubes and ovaries) removed due to cancer that was found in a D&C. 3 weeks from diagnosis to surgery.

I will tell you that initially I had challenges. My hormones and my mind played a key role in my ability to have good intimate moments. I'm not always sure what jump started what but after my hysterectomy when the hormones weren't there and the mind was all up in "life not being fair, how could this happen, things will be different, cancer will return" that it wouldn't cooperate.

Fast forward to the present and things are good, there are differences from before but things are good.

For me and my situation it took the help of several Drs.
A uro-gyn that specializes in sexual dysfunction. She got me some physical therapy, vaginal estrogen and testosterone. She recommended some stimulation devices.
I found an acupuncturist that helped with some nerve pain that was getting in the way.
Also of incalculable help is my counsellor of many years. He helped me stabilize the clinical depression that grabbed me and recently in what many would call an odd prescription he recommended 1/2 a low dose xanax before intimacy. The point was to let my mind relax enough where I could let things be more natural vs trying to force things. He said he had success with it with some abuse patients to relax their state of minds. I don't know if it has been a placebo effect or not but its working.

As you said you are very early in recovery and things change over time. So first give yourself some breathing room now and don't invite the extra worries in case you don't have to deal with them.

Otherwise if you can take a lesson from my journey it would be that it may be a longer journey than you anticipate but keep advocating for yourself and don't give up. My first big jump in the intimacy department came 8 months after my surgery after my physical therapy was done the latest around the 2 year mark with the xanax.



G.
  #3  
Unread 01-29-2011, 09:03 PM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

Although I didn't have my cervix removed I did have my ovaries out. I was terrified that I wouldn't get that part of our marriage back after my surgery. It had already dwindled so much from all the pain I had to deal with. I was put on .1mg/day estrogen patch. I am only going on 9 weeks post-op & am very pleased to say that the intimacy is sooooo much better now. I can finally relax an enjoy.

I wish you all the best in your recovery. It will take some time & I hope that in that time you will be able to enjoy it too.
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  #4  
Unread 01-30-2011, 05:52 PM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

Before my TAH/BSO, everything was a-ok in the intimacy department. When I had my hormones checked just before surgery, my gyn said that all my levels were rock bottom, except for estrogen (my cyst-riddled ovaries were hyper-producing). She started me on bio creams about 4 days after surgery, and I can honestly say that things have not changed in the intimacy arena. If anything, since I'm using most of the creams vaginally, I haven't had any dryness issues, which I would periodically have prior to surgery. I'm still trying to figure out what's the best dose for testosterone, which I know effects this area. I've actually had to lower it twice (doctor's approval), first to 1/2 dose every day and now I'm on 1/2 dose every other day, due to very oily skin and breakouts. It's only been a few days since this new change, but the skin has improved a bit and the libido is still there.

Best of luck with your recovery!!

  #5  
Unread 01-31-2011, 08:45 AM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

Thank you so much ladies!
  #6  
Unread 01-31-2011, 10:38 AM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

  Quote:
Originally Posted by mtnreader View Post
Before my TAH/BSO, everything was a-ok in the intimacy department. When I had my hormones checked just before surgery, my gyn said that all my levels were rock bottom, except for estrogen (my cyst-riddled ovaries were hyper-producing). She started me on bio creams about 4 days after surgery, and I can honestly say that things have not changed in the intimacy arena. If anything, since I'm using most of the creams vaginally, I haven't had any dryness issues, which I would periodically have prior to surgery. I'm still trying to figure out what's the best dose for testosterone, which I know effects this area. I've actually had to lower it twice (doctor's approval), first to 1/2 dose every day and now I'm on 1/2 dose every other day, due to very oily skin and breakouts. It's only been a few days since this new change, but the skin has improved a bit and the libido is still there.

Best of luck with your recovery!!

My Dr didn't add testosterone after my surgery, only estrogen. I had issues with some dryness before the surgery but now I am doing great in that area. Glad you are doing good. Did you just have cysts or was it PCOS?
  #7  
Unread 01-31-2011, 11:30 AM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

I think it was just cysts. I had a CT scan prior to surgery and it showed my right ovary was septated with cysts on both sides. Ends up, the left ovary was also full of cysts. I did look up PCOS and I didn't suffer from any of the symptoms.
  #8  
Unread 02-07-2011, 09:29 PM
Re: desperate for positive stories regarding sexual function

First we have very similar pasts and i understand your feelings my surgery was on 1-20-2011. Due to pain and infertilty and all the issues our sex life and intamcy was nill. Very worried about post. We will when we r 38 and supposly at our sexual peak girl and i know that in my heart there has got to be hope at the end of the tunnel. I have tried ashwaghanda before surgery and seemed to help my nerves and helped me stay calmer. This is a great support group and they will help
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