TAH: I want to be alone during my hospital stay

I don't know if I should call it a mistake or not, but I told my mother and sister (major worry warts) about my surgery. My sister has stated she will be with me during this time. However, I want one friend to be there with me during surgery and I want to spend my hospital stay alone. I don't want company or questions. If "C" is found I want to deal with that alone before I tell any family. I plan on spending my recovery time with my family, but I want the hospital time alone. My sister and I are very close but I've not told her all the details about my surgery (18 week uterus with several large fibroids, unable to have the endometrial biopsy due to the fibroids blocking access along with having my gallbladder removed at the same time) because she worries to much. It's like now, if she calls and I don't answer the phone she begins stressing. If I don't sound "right" she feels something is wrong. This irritates me! I've thrown it out in conversation that because of their worrying I will be in and out of the hospital before they know it. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Su_jag we all have our own way to deal with this struggle and u need to take on our new slogan "its all about me" and do what u need just b gentle and tell them that u need rest and calm u r in my prayers keep us posted

Su_jag - it is your call about who is or is not with you. I did not want visitors during my hospital stay. I enjoy privacy plain and simple. Just because people are family does not mean they can cross a line you are not comfortable with.

Make a stand and best wishes.

Hi Su_jag, I originally felt exactly the way you do. I figured that I would have plenty of time recouperating to see family & friends, that I'd rather be alone in the hospital.

Turns out I had the day nurse from hell. At first I was upset I had no one there to help me or fight for me and I was too tired to fight with the bad nurse. She was so slow, if I needed to go to the bathroom (and was tethered by the IV and pain pump) I'd have to call her and then wait up to an hour. With a sore bladder that wanted to go. Now. She had no regard to modesty, and would try to "work" on me (thereby exposing me in all my no underwear, surgical glory), though my room mate had enough visitors (who all had to pass my bed) to have our room deemed a thru street. I laid in bed literally fearing the sight of her.

Thankfully, my BF came to spend the day with me (the only full day I was in the castle) and I was happy he didn't listen to my "no visitors". I no longer had to rely on the bad nurse to go to the bathroom and he took me walking to get the bowels moving. He was there when my DR came and reported on what happened during surgery (complete with pictures!); it was nice to have someone with clarity there during this important time. Together we decided to have the DR remove me off the IV tether (no more pain IV, but the freedom would be worth the pain) so I didn't have to rely on the neglegent nurse any more (as she would be back the next day). He stayed until the shift changed and better care was on duty, he knowing my time of misery was over and I was left in much better spirits. My DR came first thing the next morning and signed me out, so my time with bad nurse was limited. And ironically she got better after she knew I was leaving. Though she did try to convince me to walk out so she wouldn't have to find a wheel chair to wheel me in (I didn't know that was even an option).

My suggestion is to plan on having someone there to be your advocate, but make it clear you might want to send them home if all is well and you feel like sleeping. Your sister will feel she helped & you will be taken care of. It can be a win/win.

Good luck!

Let the nurses know this as well. They can help keep visitors at bay. I have been known to turn people away. If people want to visit, they can wait until I'm home and give the all clear. I totally understand where you're coming from. But let the nurses help you, that way you won't have to be the one saying "no thanks".

Thanks everyone! Your responses have helped me tremendously. I am so fortunate to have found this site. I can't get enough of reading.

su_jag--
As said above...everyone deals with the stress of the surgery and it's outcome in their own way. You need to do what is best for you. But I had a couple of thoughts...
1. Some times it is good to have another pair of ears to listen to what is being said by docs when you may still be groggy from pain meds, etc.
2. It is also sometimes necessary, unfortunately, to have others that can act on your behalf with the nurses or other hospital staff. I know I needed my husband to be more forthright for me when I needed something that was not getting done.
Just wanted to share these thoughts. Perhaps your sister isn't the BEST person to stay with you if she "drives you crazy". Is there someone else that could go and still respect your privacy?
You will be in my thoughts! {{{HUGS}}}

Most points have been covered already. Just wanted to say you could maybe go at this from the other end and, rather than sending people away if they turn up when you don't want them, make it clear beforehand that you will give them a call if you need help or company. You could sell this as a positive that you know that they are there for you. Could also point out that hospital stay is not usually too long and that you will want to rest for a lot of it. I found it helpful to keep my options open as you can't be absolutely sure how you will feel about it post-op. However, you should definitely be the one calling the shots and others should respect your wishes.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock1 Most points have been covered already. Just wanted to say you could maybe go at this from the other end and, rather than sending people away if they turn up when you don't want them, make it clear beforehand that you will give them a call if you need help or company. You could sell this as a positive that you know that they are there for you. Could also point out that hospital stay is not usually too long and that you will want to rest for a lot of it. I found it helpful to keep my options open as you can't be absolutely sure how you will feel about it post-op. However, you should definitely be the one calling the shots and others should respect your wishes.

Very good points. Last year for my BSO I was scheduled for 2 nights a the hospital and when my doctor came to see me the next morning she sent me home. Much to my surprise and delight. I had to scramble for a ride home though.

If there is a time in your life to put yourself first it is now. This is about you. Not your sister, etc. Best to you. Peace.