TVH Need to vent about DH(kids mentioned)....

Hey everyone,

First let me say, I am so glad I found this site. I wasn't looking for emotional support when I found the site, I have 3 kids and didn't want to have anymore. I am 41 and was diagnosed with uterine prolapse with cystocele and rectocele, so the subject of hysterectomy didn't bother me from that perspective, just information and experience from others who had gone through the same thing. It turns out though, I have gained some support I didn't know I was going to need, which brings me to my vent.

My DH is being such a jerk. Let me give a little background. Ever since I was diagnosed and the fix was a hysterectomy with repairs I have been trying to get my DH in the mindset of what my recovery would entail. When I had my surgery on Wednesday, the dr gave my recovery instructions at the briefing of my surgery, and then again before I was discharged on Thursday. My instructions were no tasks for 2 weeks, mobile, but no tasks. My DH took one week off from work and is upset about having to help me. He doesn't see why he can't go back to work and our 16yo son help with everything. He keeps telling me how his crew at work is short-staffed and he really needs to get back to check on them. He keeps telling me how important it is for him to be at work. I tell him how important it is for him to be here with me. He is not taking the second week off, even though my instructions are still the same. He just says he will see how I feel before he takes the 2nd week off, as I may not need him. He doesn't get, the instructions are the same no matter what I feel like. I don't want to do anything I am not supposed to do. I don't really want to have to go through these repairs again any time soon. He got upset with me when I told him he would have to take the 21st off to take me to the dr for my 2 week post op visit. Cabin fever has set in and I know that is also grating on my nerves. Even though I did not have my ovaries removed, I am getting emotional about everything, like I did when I was pregnant, so my hormones are out of whack. This is why I am glad I have found this site. I know my post has been long but I wanted to get a few things off my chest. Thanks for the vent, sisters. I hope those of you who are also recovering now, are following your dr's orders and not doing too much.

I am so sorry that you are going through this! Sometimes our husbands just do not seem to understand! Would there be a friend or family member that could come over to help you out? I know that my husband has to go back to work soon and I am getting worried about it. We have a 4yr who is a very busy little girl! I do have other children to help out with her, but I feel an adult needs to help out as well. So I have friends lined up to help out at that time!
Did the hospital give you written instrustions for your recovery? If so maybe you should show that to your husband again!!! Remind him that you are limited with what you are allowed to do.
Good luck to you! You can always come here to vent out your feelings. You are not alone in what you are going through!

You should let dh read some of the post that get rough due to a sister not having support and the issues that have come from them doing to much hugs

Toots, I do have some friends lined up to come and help. Also the ladies in my church have been wonderful. They are providing at least one meal a day for the two weeks. I have also let DH see the written discharge instructions, but it's like it isn't sinking in. We also have a 5 and 2 1/2 year old that are currently staying at my inlaws but will be home in a few days. Thanks for the encouragement...hugs

Ask your dr to speak with your dh when you go to your check up. Maybe that will help him understand. Hugs

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Nistazo Ask your dr to speak with your dh when you go to your check up. Maybe that will help him understand. Hugs

The Dr spoke directly to him at the hospital before I was discharged.

Rent a bunch of movies, order pizza for lunch every day, and forget about the house work. Park your bootie on the couch no matter what. Take care of you!!!

Also, keep the kids at the grandparents another week if possible.

Men don't get it. Even the good ones only think they get it. You can't control your hormones or the doctors orders.
Good luck.

Out of curiosity, is there a reason why your 16 year old can't help you out during week two? Could you pay him to do some extra work? I ask this because you say you have friends coming over to help, people from church are providing food for at least two weeks, and the kids are at your in-laws, so it sounds like you do have lots of assistance in the event he does go back to work. I agree that if if the kids could stay with the grandparents a few more days that would probably be very helpful.
What exactly do you think you might have to do if he does go back to work? Or is it more that you feel you need his emotional support and physical presence right now?
Heal well.

The 16yo has a job he will have to return to on next Monday, and the younger boys will be coming back from the inlaws tomorrow. I guess the vent is more that asking him to do anything is a bear. And yes, I do have alot of support from my church, but it's like my DH feels that it is not his responsibility. I don't mind having the other support as backup, but my husband feels like he is the backup and everyone else should be the primary support.

Ok, I need to be blunt. Don't you just want to look at him and say, "If you had your testicles removed would you want to be up and moving this much?"

I lucked out after my surgery. I live with my brother and mother and they were fantastic. I wish for that kind of support for everyone.