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Feeling "guilty" because it's elective? Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

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Unread 09-01-2011, 07:46 PM
Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

IDK if "guilty" is the right word. I'm just a little nervous about the whole idea of going through surgery, knowing I'm going to feel worse (in post-op/recovery) before it gets better again, and knowing that the reason I'm going to feel worse is because *I* made the decision to go ahead with the surgery. Does that make sense? It's almost as if I feel like I have no right to complain post-op because it's an elective procedure for me.

Don't get me wrong, I know that's completely irrational and I know that the discomfort I'm going to go through in post-op will not be as bad as living in constant pain for the res of my life, which is what I'm facing if I don't have the surgery.

I guess on some level I'm just struggling because this is elective, and I hope I'm electing to do the right thing.

Oh, the wonderful things our minds go through in times of stress!!
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Unread 09-01-2011, 09:01 PM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

Well, you're in the right place and guess what....You're just like the rest of us in that many many many of us have done the same darn thing!! It's not an elective as such, more of a choice to improve your quality of life. Much like a new diet or excercise program would be. Think of it that way. LIfe improvement.
Unread 09-01-2011, 11:39 PM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

Hi TangoRomeo. I'm having a TAH Monday 5 Sept, but, like you, mine is 'elective'. My insurance company pays for everything so I wasn't having to worry about the 'financial' side, just the 'emotional' and 'psychological' side. I only started having symptoms in April of this year. Before that I was a normal 26 day cycle so was scared when suddenly I had 14 day cycles and spot bleeding in between. Turned out I had 3 polyps, one which had 'abcessed' in my cervix (niiiiiice!) so after D&C got rid of those and bleeding is fine, but the pressure and pelvic pain I get from the 3 fibroids that the ultrasound showed, are quite debilitating at times and have continued without easing. My gyn says I am still producing huge amounts of estrogen (which apparently causes them to keep growing) and that within 2 years they will grow so large that I will need a vertical cut (not the bikini line TAH that I am supposedly having on Monday). Anyway, blah blah blah, once I get going, I just can't stop, and you probably don't want to hear all about my crap! But anyways, back to the point - mine is 'elective' surgery too. But I do believe it is a choice to better my future. I haven't felt too much guilt over it. Funnily enough, the only guilt I have felt is the fact that I have had 4 babies (all teenagers now) and my uterus internally is healthy and could well have more. I feel bad for all the people that haven't had babies and wished they could have. And also the realisation that the place where my babies grew will no longer be a part of me. OK, so maybe that's a bit dramatic!! But we're allowed to be dramatic and nostalgic this close to our surgeries right?! It's part of the acceptance and healing process.

Well, good luck to you TangoRomeo - I hope my ramblings have helped in some little way for you.
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Unread 09-02-2011, 12:56 AM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

I guess that for some of us this is considered "elective". However, that being said a lot of surgeries are elective. I elected to have surgery years ago to repair my broken shoulder but I needed it. Same thing for the hernia and gall bladder removal-I think that one might not have been considered elective. There is no reason to feel that a) you should be guilty about this and b) that if the pain is there post surgery you can't complain. I had mine almost two years ago and have really never thought about feeling guilty complaining. Sorry, I was in pain and darn right the docs are going to have to help me. I agree that our minds sure do focus on strange things pre-op.
Unread 09-02-2011, 03:36 AM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

When I was told it was elective, I was a bit astonished. How could bleeding this much and all this pain be elective? So I asked my favorite nurse what would make it elective or not. She said that the Army sees all hyster's are elective unless your diagnosed with cancer. I was shocked and just my head and left.
I can't believe this is elective. I can't live like this. I'm not really living anymore. I am blessed with two wonderful kids and I guess that makes it a little bit easier to part with. I know part of my brain is going crazy and for some reason says what if I want more kids. My heart says it's more important for my kids to have a healthy mother. I think it goes back to the saying, we want what we can't have. I'm sure that the post op could not be as bad as I feel right now. :/
Unread 09-02-2011, 06:34 AM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

I had the same feelings also.

My uterus was at a 12 week size for many years, even when I started seeing my present doc. I suggested hysterectomy to her my first visit and she said if she can keep me comfortable, low pain level, etc., she'd prefer that method. She did succeed with the right BC pills for 4 years.

Then, my uterus/fibroids grew from 12 week to 21 weeks size within months. She just looked at me and asked "well, what do you want to do". I said I have only 2 choices, right". She said yep. I told her to cut it out asap.

So I was the one to make that choice or I could just live with it and allow it to continue to grow.

I was feeling guilty for putting my employer, husband, grandmother and myself out of commission but I knew it was the right decision.

Now, I'm just focusing on recovering and I'm so excited that I KNOW I'll be feeling better than I did in MANY years.......... soon.

Don't feel guilty, its difficult, but its for the best

Unread 09-02-2011, 08:43 AM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

I am also feeling a little guilty that my husband will have to do everything for me and the kids for awhile because mine is an abdominal surgery and I feel like he resents me for it. I have been trying my best to do more when I get home to "make up" for when i'm down and out but it's been tough. See, he was laid off 6 months ago and stays home with the kids and I work 9 hour days but still feel like he thinks I don't do enough as it is . Now i'm just venting, I think I need a new husband!! ;P
Unread 09-02-2011, 10:48 AM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

I have to say that I don;t feel as my surgery was "elective".

I was extremely anemic, bleeding for over a month straight, heavy and with clots. We tried various other methods first that did not work. My doctor was amazed that I was functioning normally as anemic as I was.

I wouldn't say that this surgery is really "elective". It is a necessary evil to take care of a health issue.

I compared it to having my appendix out if it was a problem and a threat to my health.
Unread 09-02-2011, 02:13 PM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

I'm 6 weeks out right now and feel better now than for the last 4 years. My hubby totally notices the difference. I have a lot more to give. Before the surgery, I was living in survival mode and in nearly constant pain. I couldn't believe how quickly I started feeling human again. I didn't realize how much pain I was in until it hit me that I had just had major surgery and wasn't even asking for pain meds when I woke up. Not everybody is like that. Considering what I was taking before just to function, I realized how much pain I was actually in. It was a very tough decision to make before hand, but I've never regretted it for a second after.
Unread 09-06-2011, 11:25 AM
Re: Feeling "guilty" because it's elective?

Thanks for your input, ladies. Glad to know I'm not alone!

I guess I am thinking literally when I say it's "elective"; I don't consider it elective, either, because I know that my quality of life is not ideal right now and won't improve unless I have the surgery. But technically, since I'm the one who made the decision to have it done I feel more "responsible", KWIM? I think I'd almost feel less guilty if it were emergent, because I wouldn't have a choice in the matter.

Thanks for letting me think "out loud". And overuse quotation marks. LOL!

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