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I'm an emotional wreck I'm an emotional wreck

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  #1  
Unread 09-05-2011, 06:40 PM
I'm an emotional wreck

hello all.

okay my surgery is on the 20th,might as well say 2 weeks almost and I am starting to become an emotional wreck here hehe

my fiance is trying to find every excuse and all to just avoide being around me and I haven't even been grouchy or anything

I'm 29 and we do have a daughter who's 3 yrs old.. I'm feeling disconnected with my fiance and I'm scared either he's gonna leave me after my surgery or I'm gonna leave him... granted he is a little younger then me but still...uggg sometimes I hate men lol

sry if this post was a little long..just dunno what to do anymore
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  #2  
Unread 09-05-2011, 06:52 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

Hi Val. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't even have my surgery scheduled yet and my husband is disconnecting from me already. I don't know what it is with men. If it were he facing surgery, I would be so supportive and asking how he is feeling. I guess that's the caretaker in us but I'm really flipping annoyed because I just don't expect him to be supportive of my recovery when I do have my surgery. I hope things get better for you and good luck with your surgery!
  #3  
Unread 09-05-2011, 07:03 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

I'm sorry to read this and yet, I know exactly how you feel. I have my surgery scheduled for this Thursday (09/08/2011) and it all happened pretty quickly. I'm emotionally withdrawing and cannot explain what I am going through. Having had my tubes tied and a failed ablation last December but this is different and I'm going through so many thoughts etc and it's hard to explain. I have two children and I'm divorced from their father and I've been seeing someone for a little over a year; however, I have that nagging feeling of he's going to want to be with someone that he can have a child with (he has children from his previous marriage as well). We already had the talk about we have enough kids between us a while back but even before the ablation and just the past few days he's made "light" comments about having a kid. Yeah, go ahead and make me feel worse (always with the comeback of I'm just kidding. I don't believe that. I just want to crawl into a hole, kwim.

I wish you luck and a speedy recovery and of course strength to get through this and hopefully a compassionate companion by your side!
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  #4  
Unread 09-05-2011, 07:45 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

Ladies, it is perfectly normal for our husbands or significant others to withdrawl. They are men, it is in a mans nature to be a protector. They can't protect us from whatever reason is causing the hysterectomy. They feel helpless, as if they can do nothing to make things better.

I had the LAVH on August 3rd. My pre-op was August 1st, I remember very clearly my husband staying in the waiting room while I went back to talk with my doctor. I felt cheated. Like he could careless about me. Truth is, he was just as scared as me. He has been my rock from the very beginning of my ordeal. He did become distant just before the surgery, but so did I. This surgery just does something to a womans heart & you can not explain it no matter how much you try.

There is hope. I had many of the same fears all of you do. Much to my surprise a whole new side of my husband has emerged. A very caring, loving, giving and extremely gentle side. The absolute best thing you can do is openly talk with your partner about your fears. Tell them you need them. Give them the room to get their feelings out & be willing to understand this doesn't effect just you. When I realized this (just hours before my surgery) I knew beyond the shadow of all doubts he was going to be there right beside me, holding my hand. Best of wishes to all of you!!!
God Bless!
Mindy
  #5  
Unread 09-05-2011, 07:49 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

I just wish men could understand how we're feeling and how big of a deal this is! I've been suffering over a year now and because its not something people can see, no one understands. I mean it actually took my bladder prolapsing before my husband seemed to give a hoot and that's only been 3 weeks! Ugh, it is so frustrating and unfair!
  #6  
Unread 09-05-2011, 08:12 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

`QUOTE=MindyKaye;3567983]Ladies, it is perfectly normal for our husbands or significant others to withdrawl. They are men, it is in a mans nature to be a protector. They can't protect us from whatever reason is causing the hysterectomy. They feel helpless, as if they can do nothing to make things better.

I had the LAVH on August 3rd. My pre-op was August 1st, I remember very clearly my husband staying in the waiting room while I went back to talk with my doctor. I felt cheated. Like he could careless about me. Truth is, he was just as scared as me. He has been my rock from the very beginning of my ordeal. He did become distant just before the surgery, but so did I. This surgery just does something to a womans heart & you can not explain it no matter how much you try.

There is hope. I had many of the same fears all of you do. Much to my surprise a whole new side of my husband has emerged. A very caring, loving, giving and extremely gentle side. The absolute best thing you can do is openly talk with your partner about your fears. Tell them you need them. Give them the room to get their feelings out & be willing to understand this doesn't effect just you. When I realized this (just hours before my surgery) I knew beyond the shadow of all doubts he was going to be there right beside me, holding my hand. Best of wishes to all of you!!!
God Bless!
Mindy[/quote]
  #7  
Unread 09-05-2011, 08:14 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

  Quote:
Originally Posted by MindyKaye View Post
Ladies, it is perfectly normal for our husbands or significant others to withdrawl. They are men, it is in a mans nature to be a protector. They can't protect us from whatever reason is causing the hysterectomy. They feel helpless, as if they can do nothing to make things better.

Mindy
Mindy is right - in general, men don't know how to deal with things they can't fix, and so they pull away. No maternal instincts there! They generally don't deal well with change, either. It does not mean they don't care. That makes it extra important to gently tell them what we need and want and help them to know what to expect while we're healing and afterward. (That worked with my DH, and he usually needs the 2x4 approach!) The worst thing to do is expect them to read our minds; that will just not happen.

Best wishes to you!
  #8  
Unread 09-05-2011, 09:12 PM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

thank you mindy and everyone else as well.I thought it was just my fiance doin this..glad to know maybe i'm not goin 100% crazy...yet anyway hehe

and LOL at the 2x4 approuch(sp?) that was kinda funny.

I do wish everyone else luck and a speedy recvery on their surgeries
  #9  
Unread 09-06-2011, 07:55 AM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

Hi Val. Your fiancee's reaction is definitely a MAN thing! My husband is a sweet guy, but he had a tendency to minimize everything I was worried about. I knew going into surgery that I had endometrial cancer so I was freaked out about that plus the surgery. It seemed that when I talked about it, he would act like I was being melodramatic, so I tried not talking about it. THAT was even worse. I will say that in our 40 years of marriage, those weeks prior to my surgery were some of the worst. I finally told my husband a few days before my surgery that I was going to make it with or without him. I figured that if he was not going to be supportive of me anyhow, I might as well do it on my own. I told him it was his choice - he could decide if he wanted to be with me for the surgery or not. If he decided not to, then I would have one of our sons take me and the same went for recovery - I told him he was "off the hook". THAT really shocked him because up until that time, I had been leaning heavily on him and was not getting much help. The morning of surgery, I got up and got ready. I didn't ask him if he was going, but he got up and got ready. I spoke very little on the way to the hospital and he kept asking if I was okay. I told him I was fine - and I really was! He even told our kids and friends that he was a little freaked out because I wasn't acting like myself! After everything was over, he broke down one night and apologized for his actions. He admitted that he was scared too, but didn't know what to do about it. He thought that if he admitted that, it would make me more freaked out, so he chose to play things down. He realized that it was wrong and that it hurt me, but he said he didn't know what else to do. So - men are men. They just don't "feel" things the way we do. I know - there are some men who do, but I think they are in the minority - at least in my circle of friends they are. Don't worry. This too shall pass!!

By the way, I wasn't being grouchy either - I just turned more inward during those weeks, and it was obvious that I was thinking about what I was facing. I just went through the same thing again a few weeks ago. I had to have my first pap smear since my diagnosis and I started going through the same cycle of fear and dread. THIS time, my husband recognized it and seemed to do much better than the first time. He's gonna have to get used to it, because I need to have check-ups every three months for quite a while!! Maybe we'll both get used to it some day! Best of luck to you and ALL the ladies in waiting!
  #10  
Unread 09-06-2011, 10:32 AM
Re: I'm an emotional wreck

I am reading this and thinking this is me. I stuck with him through cancer and helped him with things I probably got through because I am a mother. Now he has taken time off from work and I am supposed to kiss his butt. This is crazy. The whole time at the preadmission testing he sat in the waiting room. I don't want him at the hospital because he will probably want the remote too!! UGH
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