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Husbands/Significant Others being supportive? Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

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Unread 09-07-2011, 12:03 AM
Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

I'm not scheduled yet, but was previously scheduled for last May until my insurance denied my surgery. I have now developed a Rectocele and Cycstocele so the dr. doesn't think it will be a problem to get it approved. Here's what I'm wondering. How supportive were your husbands or significant others before surgery? Were they supportive right from the get-go, like as soon as you thought you might need surgery? If they weren't, did they become supportive before surgery? How long did it take? How were they during recovery?

My husband is being a complete buttmunch! I've been in bed a lot since I developed the rectocele and cystocele. Laying down with my feet elevated is the only way I feel really "good", whatever that is, lol. He actually gets annoyed with me not doing anything, which by the way I still do the dishes and laundry and drive the kids to and from school, and cook and clean, just not as quickly as I used to. Tonight we actually got into an argument because I'm really terrified that he is not going to be supportive during my recovery and he's going to make me feel guilty and I'll end up doing more than I should and making my recovery longer than it has to be. He said, well it's not scheduled yet so why worry about it? I know he has a point, but still, he doesn't even ask me how I'm feeling or show any concern for me. I said, you don't even ask me anything about it or what they'll do to fix it or anything. He came back with, well I'm sick of hearing about it! I was so honkerblonked and hurt. I'm sick of talking about it too, and more than anything I'm sick of feeling like this! He is just being a selfish *******. If the situation were reversed, and he had an illness, I would be concerned and supportive and HELPFUL, which he is not! I'm just wondering if anyone else has been through this and if their spouses ended up coming around and being supportive and helpful or if I just need to kick his butt out! TIA
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Unread 09-07-2011, 03:36 AM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

I am sorry you are going through all of this. I am in a similar situation, husband didnt really care before the surgery didnt want to talk about it and didnt understand why I couldn't do much. He did help out sometimes after surgery not as much as I thought he should but I had to take what I could get. Some men don't want to face an issue until it is happening and then they have to face it. I hope you do get your surgery this time and I hope your husband helps you as much as you need him to.
Unread 09-07-2011, 04:08 AM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

If your husband isn't helpful or supportive before surgery, it's unlikely he'll be any better after surgery. It's possible, but doubtful. Perhaps you could line up some help for when you get home. Are your children old enough to help out? You might want to hire a cleaning person to do the housework until you are able. Other things you can do are prepare some meals ahead of time and freeze them, stock up on paper plates and plastic utensils, and find another parent to help with driving the children to school.

You might also want to go to and let your husband read about just what you will be going through.
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Unread 09-07-2011, 04:49 AM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

My husbands been on again off again since we knew I was going to have this surgery. It's also been a long wait for me, though I've been lucky with no further complications and surgery is on the 16th. Sometimes men just don't want to face it until they have to. Other times they won't at all. Is there any way you can get him to go to your pre-op appointment when you get it? They may not listen to us, but doctors sometimes get through thick skulls.
Unread 09-07-2011, 06:46 AM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

My mom will stay with me and help me. I will try to get him to go to the pre op but I don't know if he'll be able to with work.
Unread 09-07-2011, 08:59 AM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

I have just entered into a new relationship after about 10 years of being single. My timing just stinks. He has been very supportive so far, but I do wonder how my instant menopause will play out. I am hoping that we can weather this storm. If so, I think we can weather just about anything.

No HRT for me as I have had ER/PR+ Breast Cancer (thus one of the reason's for the BSO/LSH). I learned quickly after my BC diagnosis that some of my dearest friends just dropped out of site, they couldn't deal with my diagnosis and treatment. Other friends really surprised me and stepped up to the plate. I imagine that husbands and significant others may surprise us as well (either for the good or the bad).

I wish you well.
Unread 09-07-2011, 05:39 PM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

My BF is being an *** too. My surgery is coming right up so I'm attempting to get some housework done, to which he have the rest of your life to clean, how about having some FUN?

I try to tell him my feelings and his response is, "you worry too much, you'll be fine". And here I am thinking, have YOU had major surgery? No? Then shut up.

I'm going to my mother's to recuperate after the surgery, but I'm really feeling like he'll think I'm a baby or whiner. He thinks that now with me being too tired/anemic to do much of anything. I get barely an ounce of compassion. We don't even know if he'll be at the surgery....because HE'S too scared. Thanks.

Gonna try not to worry about him and take care of myself. I'm really the only one (besides mom) who can.
Unread 09-07-2011, 06:56 PM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

I guess I'm lucky . . . my DH is actually being pretty supportive! He hasn't said much about it, but over the weekend (on our anniversary actually) I asked him point blank how he was feeling about me having a hysto, and helping me recover at home and everything. It was a really nice and honest conversation and I'm glad I finally asked him. I told him he doesn't need to take off work, because both of my parents are retired and have offered to come out and help in any way they can, but this is leading into his slow time at work so he doesn't have much to do there, anyway.

You are all in my thoughts!!
Unread 09-07-2011, 07:09 PM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

Tango I'm so jealous! I would give anything right now for a little compassion from him!
Unread 09-11-2011, 12:20 PM
Re: Husbands/Significant Others being supportive?

Julzav28, sorry to hear about the issues. My husband has gone back and forth and he finally told me that he is scared because he does not know what is going to happen. He is afraid of me going through surgery and how the end result is going to affect me but mainly us. Main thing I can tell you is keep the lines of communication open let him know how you are feeling and how he is making you feel. Take time for ya'll to sit down and talk, find articles and information sites for him took look at/read that might help him understand what you are going through.
Best of luck

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