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i need some LOVE! i need some LOVE!

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  #1  
Unread 09-08-2011, 06:59 AM
i need some LOVE!

i have so many things going on right now and i need some support. first i do not live near any familt. it is just me , my husband , and our child. our child has ADHD and ODD and my husband is not home during the week because of his job. not only am i due to have a hyster on Monday sept 12th because i have endo all throughout my pelvic area but i feel like i am the one who is making all the maddness in my house. i realize that im in pain and im a bit nervous. my husband keeps saying to me , i hope this surgery fixes you and my 9 yr old disrespects me all the time.
i have to go to work but i really need someones help. i feel like a failure as a mother and wife.
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  #2  
Unread 09-08-2011, 07:14 AM
Re: i need some LOVE!

You are not a failure as a mother or a wife....as a woman who has lived with Endo and the pain and suffering it can cause, I know that it can put a strain on your relationships.

For now, all you can do is take it one day at a time. Have you asked your husband for more support? It is hard enough for a woman without endo to really understand all that you are going through, let alone a MAN!!! Have you communicated to him exactly what you are going through?

Also, I am curious about your surgery....are you also going to have the endo excised? It is important to know exactly what your surgeon plans on doing about the endo, because a hysterectomy alone is not a cure! In fact, there is no cure. Many woman have hysterectomy, but have nothing done to remove the endo from their bodies, so they continue to have problems even after having their organs removed.

I really hope you do get some relief after your surgery. I know it was life changing for me. I, too, felt like a failure because I just couldn't function before. I feel like a brand new person and my relationship with my husband and step son have improved dramatically!!!

Always remember, your sisters are here for you whenever you need us! If you ever need anything, please feel free to send me a message.

Thinking of you and sending your ((hugs))!!!
  #3  
Unread 09-08-2011, 05:48 PM
Re: i need some LOVE!

oh my goodness, thank you Traci! i go for my pre op tomorrow with my husband and the three of us ( obgyn) will be discussing everything . as far as i know she will be removing all the endo she can find because the first time i had it removed the doc ( different one) only removed the mass and didn't clean up the rest.
My husband knows how i feel and why i cry ect.... but until you live it you don't quite get it. same for him... he has a severe back injury and i can't feel his pain but he looks fine.
how do you know what endo stage you are in? i see so many women with stage IV.
i am praying everyday that i come out of this a new woman and that i have a better look on life.
thank you so much for writing to me. i t makes me a little more at ease to know that there are other women out there just like me.
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  #4  
Unread 09-08-2011, 06:35 PM
Re: i need some LOVE!

The stages are bascially, mild, (stage I), mild to moderate (stage II), Moderate to severe (stage III), and severe (stage IV).

Stage IV is basically adhesions everywhere and organs are usually "glued" together and endometrioma (cysts) are usually present, but not always. My doctor diagnosed me with stage IV and I didn't have cysts...it was just so wide spread in my pelvis that it was considered severe. I have definitely seen pictures of other cases that looked way worse than mine and we are still classified together(???) not sure exactly how that works.

Keep in mind that the stages have nothing to do with your symptoms...you could have stage I and have excruciating pain or have stage IV and have hardly any pain at all....everyone is different.

I really hope you get some relief out of all of this...I know I did. I have never felt so good. I knew I was in pain and miserable, but didn't really know just how miserable until I felt better!!! Best thing I ever did!!!

You are never alone in this....all of us endo girls are here for you, as well as your hystersisters!!! If you need us, just ask!!!
  #5  
Unread 09-08-2011, 07:01 PM
Re: i need some LOVE!

Traci-
did you cry a lot? were your hormones really screwed up?
could they see your endo before your surgery or were you told your stage before hand?
i cry a lot. i try not to in front of my son or at work. mostly i cry myself to sleep because no one knows.
  #6  
Unread 09-12-2011, 10:06 AM
Re: i need some LOVE!

I did cry a lot....just always felt kinda "blue".
I was diagnosed through laparoscopy because I had horrible periods (heavy bleeding and severe, debilitating pain), so I asked my GYN about it...he knew right away what it was so did the diagnostic lap. to confirm and that is where I was given my "stage".
He did the hysterectomy a couple of months later with excision of the endo. I still cried a lot after that, until they got my hormones leveled out and have been feel great since!!!
  #7  
Unread 09-12-2011, 10:23 AM
Re: i need some LOVE!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by chrimarijake View Post
i have so many things going on right now and i need some support. first i do not live near any familt. it is just me , my husband , and our child. our child has ADHD and ODD and my husband is not home during the week because of his job. not only am i due to have a hyster on Monday sept 12th because i have endo all throughout my pelvic area but i feel like i am the one who is making all the maddness in my house. i realize that im in pain and im a bit nervous. my husband keeps saying to me , i hope this surgery fixes you and my 9 yr old disrespects me all the time.
i have to go to work but i really need someones help. i feel like a failure as a mother and wife.
I felt an instant connection to you as soon as I read your post! My husband is also gone during the week, he's an over the road truck driver and I also have a son with ADHD and ODD! It is SO hard! But unlike you, my mom lives 20 miles away from me and will be able to help me after my surgery. I also have two other children. My oldest is a girl and she's 12, my son with ADHD and ODD is 10 and I have a 5 year old daughter. This is my second marriage and I have joint custody of the older two with my ex husband, so they spend one week with me, one week with him, back and forth. It sucks so much because he is a complete jerk and his behavior does not help our son with his behavioral problems. It's so hard because my son has no consistency with rules because his dad pretty much lets him do whatever he wants. Lets him play Call of Duty with the Zombies online on his Xbox and he sits there and screams at people. We have an in-home counselor who comes to both homes and she has told him countless times that our son SHOULD NOT be playing that game because he already has anger issues, but he doesn't care because it's like a babysitter and keeps him occupied so my ex doesn't have to parent him. The disrespect is awful. He tells me he hates me all the time and that I'm the worst mother in the world. Constantly fights with his sisters and threatens to kill them. I would like to say it's been getting better, but I'm not sure. As soon as they go back to their dads, they both cop an attitude with me immediately. I spend the first couple days they're back with me trying to undo the damage he did the week before. I'm terrified of what my recovery is going to be like. I know my mother with come and help me, but she won't be able to stay forever. It will be nice to have just my 5 year old every other week, but at the same time she is bored out of her mind when the other two are gone. Luckily she just started kindergarten last week, so she won't be home with me during the day. I just know it's going to be hard because I pretty much can't let my son out of my sight when he's here. It's like having a 2 year old and I'm sure you know what I'm saying. It's hard for people that don't have children with these issues to understand the frustration. I'm so sorry that you won't have any family nearby to help you. I wish there was some way I could do something for you. All I can do is be here to listen and give support via these forums. I wish you the best of luck with your surgery and recovery and send my LOVE to you! Dana
  #8  
Unread 09-12-2011, 10:31 AM
Re: i need some LOVE!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by chrimarijake View Post
i have so many things going on right now and i need some support. first i do not live near any familt. it is just me , my husband , and our child. our child has ADHD and ODD and my husband is not home during the week because of his job. not only am i due to have a hyster on Monday sept 12th because i have endo all throughout my pelvic area but i feel like i am the one who is making all the maddness in my house. i realize that im in pain and im a bit nervous. my husband keeps saying to me , i hope this surgery fixes you and my 9 yr old disrespects me all the time.
i have to go to work but i really need someones help. i feel like a failure as a mother and wife.
Oh dear! You are not a failure! If anything has failed it's your body, and last time I checked, there is nothing you can do to "make" yourself have endometriosis!
I sympathize with the DH issue; mine keeps saying the same thing, without realizing that the light at the end of that tunnel is still very very far away. He has chronic back pain as well so I appealed to his own understanding of what it's like to live in constant pain. He didn't really realize that my pain was constant too, because I don't gripe about it unless it gets too bad to handle. Once he sort of understood, he also realized he was going to have to be the caretaker and took time off from work for post op duties.

I sat down with every one of my family members and explained the facts to them:

1.I need this surgery so I can function again.

2.I will be on edge and often tearful/angry/needy/cranky. It is not their fault, but they can help me through it by either letting me be alone or by giving me squeeze hugs to help me through the emotion. (I work with autistics and can attest to the power of a good pressure hug to dispel anxiety.)

3.After this surgery I will not be 100%, I will be in a lot of pain and I will be helpless/ not helpful. They will all be expected to grow up a little and help out as needed; not as they feel like.

4. In time, this surgery will be positive for me, which means a positive change for them. As the saying goes, if mama ain't happy, then NObody's happy.

Your 9-year old is most likely picking up on your anxiety and sensing that you are "not mom" which can be a very difficult thing for them to understand. Be honest, explain things (in limited terms) and see if you can engage him/ her in helping with recovery care. Even if it's just to bring the remote or ice chips!
Hugs for you, babe! I don't have endo but have seen the suffering that goes with it and you have my full sympathy and support!
  #9  
Unread 09-12-2011, 11:15 AM
Re: i need some LOVE!

Hey Traci, I was diagnosed in May with endo it was on both ovaries and behind my uterus. The doc I was seeing just wanted to put me on Lupron and more birth control because of my age (35). The Lupron worked for about a month after I got my 3 month shot the pain came back with a vengence so I went to a new doc. The new doc took about 5 minutes and a pelvic exam to decide it needed to come out and I am so glad. But now I am having dreams that when he gets in there he doesn't find anything so he sews me up and sends me home. So now I'm wondering if the pain is real or all in my mind.
  #10  
Unread 09-13-2011, 12:29 PM
Re: i need some LOVE!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaps View Post
Hey Traci, I was diagnosed in May with endo it was on both ovaries and behind my uterus. The doc I was seeing just wanted to put me on Lupron and more birth control because of my age (35). The Lupron worked for about a month after I got my 3 month shot the pain came back with a vengence so I went to a new doc. The new doc took about 5 minutes and a pelvic exam to decide it needed to come out and I am so glad. But now I am having dreams that when he gets in there he doesn't find anything so he sews me up and sends me home. So now I'm wondering if the pain is real or all in my mind.
Your pain is very real!!! Never doubt that. You have a diagnosis, which is a step in the right direction. So many women wait years and years to even get a doctor to admit there may be a problem and then they are finally diagnosed after needless suffering!!

Your doctor is not going to open you up and find nothing...it is there and he will take it out!!! No worries there. This is just your minds way of dealing with your anxiety about surgery.

I hope that your new doctor plans to excise the endo....that is the best chance for relief! Make sure you ask him/her about the methods he/she plans on using to remove it. Keep in mind that cauterization (burning) does not get rid of endo...it only burns the superficial part of the implants, therefore is pretty much pointless (in my opinion).

Best of luck to you and try to think positive things, especially before you go to sleep...hopefully your dreams will become positive too!!!
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