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It's difficult to talk about It's difficult to talk about

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  #1  
Unread 09-08-2011, 08:24 PM
It's difficult to talk about



I am an emotional mess. I am scheduled to have a total hysterectomy on November 7th. I have had to get my work schedule my DH who is a truck driver and my surgeons schedule all aligned with the stars to get that done.

I have never had my own children. When I was a child I was "injured" by another family member. I have been told most of my life that it would be next to a miracle if I ever had children despite the fact that I have had periods on a regular basis. I knew in the back of my head that I would never have kids, but there was always that very small glimmer of hope. When I went to see my surgeon because the fibroids have gotten so painful, he said, its time. They are so large that you have more fibroids than uterus in there. I have several that are the size of grapefruits. So when the surgeon told me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I melted like a marshmellow when I left his office.


Is there anyone else out there that has never had children but has to have a hysterectomy? Do those of you that have had children feel the same kind of loss at loosing the ability to having Children. I feel like I am grieving a loss.
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  #2  
Unread 09-08-2011, 08:53 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

I am 32 and have never had children of my own. My DH has 2 that live with their mother across the country so I just get to see them every once and a while.

I've known for years that I could never have children of my own, but it still hurt & I cried when I got my diagnosis. It didn't affect my decision though. After years of heavy non-stop bleeding this is the best option for me.

My husband and I are looking to adopt after this and I'm well into recovery. There are a lot of children out there that need love.
  #3  
Unread 09-08-2011, 08:58 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

I am so sorry you're going through this, and have not ever been able to have children of your own. BIG HUGS to you as you grieve this possibility.

I wanted to reply because I am having some of those feelings, too, even though I do have kids. I am mourning the loss of the possibility that I could go through the miracle of it all again. I am very thankful for the ones I have, and we were really not even planning to have more, but the finality of it all still brought up these feelings for me. I can only imagine it must be so much more difficult for a woman in your shoes, so please understand I'm not claiming to know just how you feel, I am only trying to let you know that those of us who haven't already gone through menopause are probably all going through the mourning to some extent.
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  #4  
Unread 09-08-2011, 09:05 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

I am 41 and have no children of my own. I have had 3 pregnancies, but none to term. BUT, I do have 2 Stepsons and they have been like having my own. Trials, tribulations and happiness! I wouldn't trade them for the world. I knew in my 20's that I would never have my own kids and that was ok for me. I helped raise my sisters and brother and helped out with various nephews and neices. I was one that never had the "Mommy" urge. I always felt fullfilled. I know I am probably not the norm.....but......I am ok giving up the babymaker!!!!!!
Remember, there are lots of lil ones that need loving homes! You can always adopt and love that lil person just like you would your own!!
Good luck!!!
  #5  
Unread 09-09-2011, 03:32 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

Thanks everyone for your support. It really helps.
  #6  
Unread 09-09-2011, 04:36 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I have a 16 yr old and have been dealing with secondary infertility for 14 yrs.
I will never forget the day I found out. May 11th 2011. They did a pelvic ultrasound and I was full of fibroids and my uretus was the size of a 13 week pregnancy! I had planned on going to the grocery on the way home from the dr. That all changed. As I was walking out to my car I just lost it!!!!! I Called my mom and after about 15 min I drove to my grocery store and then could't get out of the car for crying so hard! This has been the hardest thing I've dealt with thus far in life,
My best friend did give some good advice. Now you can move on with your life and QUIT watching all the baby show's (I watch them all) LOL! I have quit watching Baby Story, but I still watch the other's.
I think it's OUR dream's are coming to an end and some folk's can handle it better than other's. We have tossed around adoption, it just cost so much. Maybe we'll look into foster to adopt at some point? I know it's not the same as a biological child, but I bet you/me would love those babies just the same! Best wishes and hang in there!!!!((hugs))
  #7  
Unread 09-09-2011, 06:50 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can somewhat relate . . . I'm 37 and have had 7 pregnancies, only one successful. I was told I wouldn't even have that one success, so I feel very blessed in that regard; however, I always thought that we'd have just one more.

Before I made the decision to go ahead with the hysto, I had to come to terms with the finality of it. Honestly, for me I think it's been easier to accept that it won't be a possibility because of the hysto than it was to sit back and just throw my hands up in the air because it was completely out of my control. Does that make any sense? I think it has to do with the control. I'm controlling this, so it's more understandable for me; I don't know why I had so many problems before, so it was much harder to deal with.

IDK. Our son is now 13 years old and we have talked about adopting. We'll see what happens.

You are all in my thoughts. ((((((hugs)))))))
  #8  
Unread 09-09-2011, 07:51 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

I am 7 weeks post op, I have one child and had one miscarriage. I always expected to have more children but after my marriage broke up I spent the next 10 years dedicating myself wholeheartedly to raising my son. Ive been in a relationship for a while now and gotten used to the idea that my time had passed. However I have grieved the loss of my uterus terribly. There is such a finality to it and it's difficult some days to process. I am thankful every day for the blessing of my son and I won't pretend to know how you feel, but it does hurt. I'm sending you hugs and wish you the best.
  #9  
Unread 09-12-2011, 07:51 PM
Re: It's difficult to talk about

thanks for the support and love
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