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But I feel fine today - Am I in denial? But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

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  #1  
Unread 09-13-2011, 02:19 PM
But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

Just read a message from 5 years ago from a Sister who said she felt "just fine" a lot of the time and wondered why the heck she was going through with this. She just about knocked me over, because that's how I feel.
I often second-guess my decision when I am not having pain, especially after a week or so of no pain. I say to my husband, "I'm fine; I feel great; I must be nuts to letting someone rip out an organ."
Then I need to think really, really hard. Like...the time when I crawled into the bathtub at 3 a.m. with my pj's still on because I was in too much pain to get them off first...the time when I started getting severe pains just 14 days into my cycle that lasted for days, and I wondered if I would be able to see an old friend that weekend or if the pain would keep me at home...the many times laying in front of the tv totally wacked out on percocet with a hot water bottle on my stomach and a heating pad on my back.
I guess it just all seems so scary that I'm in a state of denial. I'm only 17 days away from surgery and currently not in pain and trying to remember how bad my pain has been over the past couple of years.
Anybody like me out there?
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  #2  
Unread 09-13-2011, 02:27 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

I have no idea what to tell you other then dont talk yourself out of it if you are in that much pain. You will be fine over time after it is done DENIAL is hard but you can do it just dont think about it to much think of how much better life will be with NO pain. Do you have a friend to talk to about it maybe that will help.
  #3  
Unread 09-13-2011, 02:57 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

I totally understand where you are coming from. I felt almost no pain after my laparocopy to diagnose endometriosis....until my period came again....then I remembered all to well!!! I had my hysterectomy 4 months ago and now that I am recovering nicely and back to work, I can honestly say, I have never felt better.

You deserve to feel good as well and if a hysterectomy can give you that and you are at peace with it, then I say GO FOR IT!!! You shouldn't have to live in pain!!!

Best of luck to you!
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  #4  
Unread 09-13-2011, 03:52 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

I can see where you are torn...I was that way...it took me years of pain and letting it build up until the pain was daily before I decided to have my TAH. My DH was ready for me to have it over 2 years ago...

You need to decide what it right for you and don't second guess. Maybe you aren't ready...maybe you are...only you can make that decision. I made my decision when I had to have a heart cath done to make sure everything was ok due to chest pains...my heart is just fine...my chest pains were the result of anxiety following days of severe pain. That is just wrong...we put ourselves through too much and we deserve a great quality of life.

I am at 8 weeks. I know the risks...my endo could come back. I will tell you this as well...even w/the pain of healing and the struggles that come w/healing from a major surgery...I cannot remember the last time I felt this good!

Whatever decision you make...make it for you! Best wishes always!
  #5  
Unread 09-13-2011, 09:03 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

I feel the same way. I'm coming to the conclusion that I need a hysterectomy, but I don't have THAT much pain. My periods are really heavy and making me anemic, but i don't get cramps like I used to. The problem is that I've come to the realization that my fibroids are so big that my uterus is pushing on my diaphragm and pushing my intestines up to the pointe where i get winded fairly easily. It's not too concerning because I still manage to play soccer once in a while and take care of my 2 year old, but it's growing really fast. Logically I know I need it out, but I keep thinking that it's not bugging me that much, so why would I put my body through that? I'm only 41, it seems way to early to need a hysterectomy.
  #6  
Unread 09-14-2011, 10:56 AM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

Wow! I can't believe I received four responses already. That was the first time I ever posted something.
Thanks, everyone, for your words of wisdom. I logically know that I will be having this surgery and it is the best thing to do, but the scaredy-cat part of me is panicking a bit.
I'm 48 and have been having really painful periods for a couple of years and this year I usually have been getting about 4 to 10 days of really bad pain mid-cycle. Funny thing is that I don't have a great deal of flow.
Internal ultrasound found adenomyosis, a cyst and several fibroids, so that is what I keep trying to remember...It is not all in my head...the evidence is right there written up on paper in gory detail. Also, I have been feeling really tired lately and get worn out from exercise.
I forgot to mention in my other post that on the really bad days, I am screaming hysterically to myself (or out loud to my husband), "Get it out now, I want it out NOW!"
  #7  
Unread 09-14-2011, 01:37 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

I too struggled with the decision to have my TAH. My gynae told me it was my choice now, or wait 2 years until the growing fibroid pressing on my bowel forced the decision. My symptoms were just irregular periods (not too heavy), pain during ovulation, and constant rectal pressure. But I could live with it. It didn't stop me working out at the gym 5 days a week or running around after my 5 kids. I only stopped to really 'feel' my symptoms in the evening when all my chores were done! So I was shocked to hear I needed a hysterectomy. I was in denial but booked the surgery for 7 weeks later after getting a second opinion and lots of medical advice. My head told me I needed surgery. I just needed my heart to follow and I wasn't quite there yet with that one.
Fast forward two months ... I am now 10 days post-op TAH with right ovary cystectomy. That was a surprise to find a 5x3cm cyst. Pathology not back on that yet. However, seeing the photos of my uterus afterwards, the lumps and bumps and the 5cm fibroid dangling down (the naughty fibroid that was pressing on my bowel) I am hugely grateful to my surgeon for stating the obvious. That uterus needed to go! I'm 42 years old, never had surgery before and was sooo frightened. My surgery was a wonderful experience. I have had no pain whatsoever, just mild soreness
from 15cm incision. It has totally converted me to the wonders of medicine and made me realize how lucky we are to have such skilled people and miracle drugs at our disposal.
Waiting is the hardest. It is normal to feel indecisive. But if you know the facts, like me, eventually your heart will follow! Xo
  #8  
Unread 09-14-2011, 02:57 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

Hi Xena, this is my first post ever. I had my davinci 4 weeks ago. I have not posted yet because I want to provide a detailed synopsis of my recovery at the 6 week point. However, I have been perusing this site regularly and it has been a source of great support. I see that you are having your surgery in a couple of weeks... I considered running out of the hospital the day I was submitted for surgery, after they had put the iv in me. I thought what am i doing? Mybe I can just live with this. I even asked my friend- what happens if I just leave- will they still charge me?Definitely second guessing, crying from fear...I had severe pain during my periods to the point of crying,nausea, severe dangerous anemia, unable to work, walk, etc..gyno did some tests, determined I had a tumor. gave me several options, told me to google them and get back to her. I was in shock and clueless. went to a tumor/oncology specialist...he strongly recommended davinci. I am very thin, vain, and go boating often, and was concerned with the scars, among everything else...super scared. Went thru with it. my doctor was exceptional. the surgery took several hrs, (not usual) because of my frame , and he found out my utreus was seven times the normal size, and the endomytreus lining was filled with blood, and I had more tumors. it was severly diseased. thank goodness I made the decision to do it. I just prayed to God, and had a quiet talk with myself before the surgery, and knew it was the right decision. One significant deciding factor was that it is likely that more tumors will develop, and could possibly turn cancerous. I was also in mortal fear every month of my period coming and what to expect, and the constant exhaustion to the point of being dizzy from the anemia. I wanted to be strong for my future. My boss hates me, and has been trying anything to fire me, so when I got my periods the stress and anxiety and her harrassment was more than i could bear.The stress also excacerbated my symptoms. She used my weakness to ramp up the pressure. I am the same age as you. I do not regret the decision. I hope this info helps you. Best of luck to you.
  #9  
Unread 09-14-2011, 08:08 PM
Re: But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

Xena, you posted my thoughts exactly. I have almost picked up the phone and canceled several times. It is like I am waiting for something horrible to happen so that I can justify going through with it. All that has happened since scheduling the surgery has been my usual spotting, heavy periods, cramping, and rectal pain indicative of my "predicted" adenomyosis. It is terrible that I am wasting so much emotional energy waiting and pondering if tomorrow, the weekend, next week, etc will be when the pain and discomfort reach a certain level.....and then I will finally be relieved and more at peace with my decision. Crazy!!!!! I guess we have to remember that we are candidates for this surgery for a reason. Our gyn's would have never discussed it with us if we weren't. So, you are not alone, and hang in there!! I've got to believe we are going to be better off post op.
  #10  
Unread 09-14-2011, 08:57 PM
But I feel fine today - Am I in denial?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by xenawarrior48 View Post
Just read a message from 5 years ago from a Sister who said she felt "just fine" a lot of the time and wondered why the heck she was going through with this. She just about knocked me over, because that's how I feel.
I often second-guess my decision when I am not having pain, especially after a week or so of no pain. I say to my husband, "I'm fine; I feel great; I must be nuts to letting someone rip out an organ."
Then I need to think really, really hard. Like...the time when I crawled into the bathtub at 3 a.m. with my pj's still on because I was in too much pain to get them off first...the time when I started getting severe pains just 14 days into my cycle that lasted for days, and I wondered if I would be able to see an old friend that weekend or if the pain would keep me at home...the many times laying in front of the tv totally wacked out on percocet with a hot water bottle on my stomach and a heating pad on my back.
I guess it just all seems so scary that I'm in a state of denial. I'm only 17 days away from surgery and currently not in pain and trying to remember how bad my pain has been over the past couple of years.
Anybody like me out there?
I can totally relate. I would go for periods of time with little or no pain and I would seriously doubt my decision and second guess myself. But I would remind myself of all the fun I'd miss, all the times I stayed at home, all the Tylenol 3 I ate, all the times I had to leave work early and all the times I cried with pain after sex. And the pain was pretty manageable the week before surgery and I was really freaking out... And then I got lucky... 3 days before surgery the pain came back full force and I knew I needed to do it.

Be patient with yourself and listen to your inner voice - you know what's best for you and you're strong enough to do the right thing.
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