Scheduled LAVH Is it normal to feel so sad before? | HysterSisters
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Is it normal to feel so sad before? Is it normal to feel so sad before?

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Unread 09-17-2011, 09:46 PM
Is it normal to feel so sad before?


I have been feeling so depressed and scared since setting my date for surgery. I am scared of the pain as I do not do well with it. Yes I admit it , I am terrified. I am not sure how to talk to my husband or my friends about all the crazy emotions and fears I am struggling with. Is it normal to feel so much and have this type of deep rooted fears about something that has not yet happened. The feeling of loss is so overwhelming. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can calm my mind and be able to get through this with my sanity in tact...
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Unread 09-17-2011, 09:58 PM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

I honestly think that it's precisely BECAUSE it has not happened yet that it troubles you so much. For me, the most difficult and emotional times were when I was confronted with the reality of needing major surgery, without being able to actually do anything about that reality except for wait. It's crazy-making.

I don't know if I managed, exactly, to stay sane: there were little weepy bits and times when I lost my temper and oh, so many pity parties (table for one). But I did slog through it, largely by designating some time every day to do things that would help me on the recovery side (go to Home Depot and buy a grabber to help with the reaching issue, pick up old fluffy magazines at the hairstylist's...), and filling the rest of the time with friends and fun activities so I had less time to stew.

Unread 09-17-2011, 10:09 PM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

Feeling this was is so normal we are women and this is something that makes us feel empty so we have all these emotions that come and go.
I worked as much as possible and that took away some of the thinking but there were times when someone would come up to me and say (Are you okay) and yep for get it I lost it and was in tears for mins to Hrs at times because I bottled it up. So express your feelings and get them out this is okay.
My surgery was only two weeks planning I really didn't have much time to think about what was going to happen I had everything hit me at once so after surgery it's starting to kick in when people make little remarks trying to make me laugh but instead it hurts.
So what I am saying it's normal to feel this way before and after and if you need someone to talk to I am always here and would love to have a friend through this time too.
God bless you and you remember there are so many of us out here to support you and you have your family and friends so keep your head up.
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Unread 09-17-2011, 11:37 PM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

This was completely normal for me. I felt like a death had happened before my surgery. Like I was loosing a huge part of me. I cried for days on end. Talked about it all the time to whoever would listen. Fortuantley for me my mom and my mom in law had already had theres done years ago and they both felt the same way when it happened to them. My mom wasn't able to have kids at all. me and my brother and sister we all adopted. My younger sister was 5 mths old when she had hers and the adoption papers were not signed yet and she was the first of 3 adoptions that would take place. My mom said she was terrified. Cried and cried. My dad was more than understanding. He supported her on every whim. My mom in law only had 2 sons 5 years apart after 8 pregnancies. It was a great loss for her as well. She wanted more children...a big family and she wanted a little girl. For me it was try anything and everything to avoid this. I did not want this at all. In may we tried our final laproscopy that did not work. When we found out that it was not working for me I felt a piece of me die that very moment. like the world crashed down on my head and I would never be the same. I had heard the horror stories of the aftermath and confusion and emotions. I was to say the least ready to hide under a rock to never be seen again. It took me 2 weeks to start telling people I was going to have this surgery. And I found that when I did I had more supprot than I could ever ask for. I found this site as well and these ladies have never failed me. I won't lie. I had my surgery 5 days ago and I do feel that there is a piece of me missing (no pun intended). Like a little bit of my heart was thrown away along with my insides. But it has not been as bad as I has suspected. I was able to come home the day after my surgery and have clung to my family since I walked in the door. I have thought about every piece of advice ever given to me, especially those of my 2 wonderful moms. They have been my insipration thru this ordeal and continue to be. If there is anything I can say that would stand true for most that are going thru this is that it is not nearly as bad as it sounds. The pain has been tollerable, tho the aggravation of being as active as i was before hand is driving me crazy I know it is only for the time being. I am determined that I will be myself. I will be greater than I have ever been. I had this surgery because I knew the problems I was having before stood in my way of being involved with my children and family. On that I stand that I will be 10 times better once i have healed. I will hold my head up high and I will be as much if not more woman than i was before and me and my family will be better off for it.
It is normal to be scared. Put it in God's hands, be stubborn and don't let it get you down. Most important, greive. If you feel the need to cry...then cry. If you need to scream then scream. If you get mad then get mad. Let your emotions go thru the cycle. Don't hold it in. Let them look at you like you are crazy...its ok. Just go thru the motions your body and mind need to go thru. You are a strong woman. This is not an easy decision and you will be stronger for it in the end. Keep your head up and I will say a little prayer for you.
Unread 09-18-2011, 01:57 AM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

CapriSun, Your post made me cry. How you felt before your surgery, and your reasons for having it- they are so similar to mine. To be a better wife, sister, friend, step-mom, and to be better for myself- that is why I am doing this. I always wanted to have children with my husband, but it wasn't in the cards for me I guess. I have to say though, when I told my mother that I was talking hysterectomy with my doctor, I burst into tears. It is a very hard decision to make peace with, especially in our hearts. I think it is definitely normal to have crazy emotions. I am at this moment excited, nervous, scared and sad and hopeful. I just keep telling myself that I need to do this so that I can live, really. My favorite poet anne sexton has a poem about making that choice:

"...I am not what I expected. Not an Eichmann.
The poison just didn't take.
So I won't hang around in my hospital shift,
repeating The Black Mass and all of it.
I say Live, Live because of the sun,
the dream, the excitable gift."

I know we will all come through this as stronger wiser women.
Bless you all.
Unread 09-18-2011, 07:36 AM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

Dear Lasso,

"Coping with Anxiety and Fear before Hysterectomy" is the title of a Hystersisters' Article that you might find helpful. Here's the link:

I hope it helps.
Unread 09-18-2011, 07:57 AM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

I am so sorry for everyone that feels so much sadness before.
We have 2 adult children, and because of other health issues, I didn't want anymore.
55 is not an unusual age to have a hysterectomy.

I don't know why, but I didn't feel any of the sadness, depression, and crying before the surgery.
I knew that my uterus was not a healthy organ, so it was time to get it out.

I was not prepared for all of the hormonal and physical changes after the surgery. I thought that it would be routine.

It has been anything but.
It was a relief that we got the pre-cancerous cells out. I hope that they stay out.
Unread 09-18-2011, 12:21 PM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

Yes all of this is completely normal. I just had my LAVH/BSO on Sept. 12. I only had 2 weeks to prepare myself. I myself suffer from anxiety and depression. But I knew the pain and bleeding that I had been dealing with for years needed to stop, because I wasn't myself anymore. I felt more like a shell to everyone around me.

Now as far as the pain...the only pain that I've experienced was right after waking up from surgery until they gave me my first round of pain meds, which was within minutes. After that, I was on a morphine pump for about 12 hours. I was released from the hospital within 24 hrs of my surgery, and besides feeling sore and bloated, the pain has been most manageable. I take ibuprofen during the day and a 5mg Lortab at night. Physically I feel great. I had everything removed...(cervix, both ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus)

Not knowing what to expect was the hardest for me as well. Just try to keep busy and not let the anxiety and depression take over. We are all here for you to talk to if you can't reach out to those around you. Sometimes that is hard because they just don't understand. The ladies on this site are remarkable. Don't be afraid to lean on us. Talk when you need to, cry when you can't do anything else, and laugh because it will all be over soon. Then you can get back to living a full life.

Please feel free to message me at any time. I will keep you in my prayers, and God Bless.
Unread 09-18-2011, 12:33 PM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

I'm with you! Mine is scheduled for the 7th. Ive told very few people. I feel... embarrassed ?, Sad, overwhelmed, disappointed. Trying very hard everyday to just power thru it. Focusing on the good things in my life. I even started to try and find positive things about surgery day. I'll get visitors with presents, the kids will do the house chores..LOL! and maybe a flower bouquet or two. Im a single mother of 3 and have had some tough times. And the one thing I have learned is that sometimes survival means something as simple as changing your focus. Trying not to give those negative feelings too much attention.

You're not alone. And I am so glad I have this place. I am a very private person. And its nice to just have a place to talk about it.
Unread 09-18-2011, 12:42 PM
Re: Is it normal to feel so sad before?

I am feeling the same way as you- depressed, anxious, mad, angry- you name it. I wanted children- but at 41 and now this- no luck there. To top this all off- I think my marriage is failing and can do nothing to stop it. All I can think is that God must have some big plan for me because in the last year (after now having two surgerys- one last month and then this one on Wednesday) I have had way to many things happen to me and honestly... after being diagnosed as bipolar and depressed- and now facing a divorce- I dont know what to do. Thank goodness I have my parents and my sisters! They are my blessings and will keep me sane.

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