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At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

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Unread 09-26-2011, 10:27 PM
At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

I have a lavh scheduled monday. I have been stressing out trying to get everything figured out. Tonight I hit breaking point and cheweed my poor husbands ear off. I feel bad. But he is in bed and I cant even sleep. I have anxiety, i wana cry I wanna eat, I wanna yell. I am litterally flippin out now.
I just found out week and a half ago the date was sooner, better for me and job situation cuz i desperatly need a job. Haven't been able to work cuz of pain.
But I have an 11 and 4 year old to find out how to get 11 year old home, who gonna watch him morning of hosptial and after school that day. I got 4 year old taken care of. Or so I thought, its like once i get one thing figured out something else comes up cuz I forgot or it falls through what I had planned. I have no for sure plans about anything, all my plans are in the air. I have a plan but each plan is in air and I am having to make back up plans. And even those are in air. That driving me crazy. And my husband, who is not my kids father, helps a lot with my four year old in ways. But he comes home tells me he has to go to his moms saturday after my surgery and take his dog to vet and he be gone most day. Well, I lost it cuz I was expecting him to take care of my four year old that day. And help. He won't take him with him. He just isn't into it I guess. But I got mad and am still even though maybe I shouldn't be. I said I hope you know I do need and will need help.
Literally he and his mom is all I have to help. I have my dad, but he spends weekends doing other stuff and with other family who is all druggies and or in hospital for very bad stuff and or its hard to trust him with my four year old. He is not a druggie himself. But I dont want my four year old around other family. My mom in law will be helpin during week as my husband for one cant cook seriously, and he works long hours, bless his heart from 530 to 8 monday through friday. So he as well is over loaded.
I am loosing it. Do not even know how to get to hospital yet. I just wana say screw it and cancel but I will not and cant'. But its how I feel.I am topped off. Been having trouble sleeping and up through out the night. Which I am usually anyhow at least once to pee, I pee a lot cuz I drink soooo much water. But now I am up several times.
Just freakn out, anxiety and I wana burst.
Some one please, am i over reacting? Very emotional easy? I mean really maybe I shouldn't have freaked out that bad about husband being gone. And I am soo peculiar with who is gonna do what with four year old. He is gonna be stuck here all week, some one needs to take him to park. Right?
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Unread 09-27-2011, 06:57 AM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

wow... I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Take several deep breaths. Everything is going to be ok. Much of what you are feeling is normal.

This last week before my surgery, I sort of went into over-drive. My doctor prescribed Ambien to help me sleep. I was only getting about 4 hours each night, now I am getting closer to 6 which is much better.

My surgery is tomorrow. Lists were my lifesavers. I made lists for everything.

I had a daily list of activities and exercises to take care of myself (walking, stretching, core exercises, meditation, soothing music, etc).

I mapped out the days leading up to my surgery and figured out bigger projects (Fall yard work, laundry, ironing my husband's work shirts, housecleaning and meals to freeze).

We figured out how I could take care of our little dog (which is old and blind and I won't be able to pick him up). We have fixed his sleeping area and he will be wearing a leash hooked on the wall for easy access to take him outside. We have been practicing for a couple weeks. It isn't my dream plan, but it is workable. I would really like him up on the bed with me. It won't be happening.

Is there a local church you could check with to see if they can offer some help? Do you have any friends or neighbors you could ask for help? What about families that are friends with your children? If your children are already comfortable with them, maybe they could help out after school or before? As a last resort, maybe your 11 year old will be helpful with the 4 year old and keep him entertained when they both are at home?

Have on hand some easy meals and snacks. Here are some ideas: pot pies, tv dinners, pizza, canned meals like soups, stew, spaghettios, cheese sticks, applesauce, yogurt, ensure, nuts, dried fruit, fresh fruit, beef jerky, juice boxes, bread, peanut butter and almond butter. Try to put them within easy reach for you and your 11 year old.

Things may not be as organized or as healthy as they usually are, but that's ok for a few weeks while you recover. The goal is for things to be easy.

Find some way to reward the 11 year old to help with the 4 year old. Find some way to make the first couple weeks of your recovery into a game for them with rewards. Have plenty of low-key kid activities organized and nearby (videos, tv, coloring, reading, etc. etc.). Corral them into one bedroom or area when they are unsupervised. Let them be your "helpers". Plan lots of activities that you can direct from your bed.

I hope you can get motivated to get organized. You don't have much time left and there is lots to do. Your family is counting on you and you can do this.

I'll be thinking about you and praying for you. You can do this. Figure out one thing each day and just do it.

Unread 09-27-2011, 12:25 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

First of all...
Freaking out is OK. Just remember everyone else is stressed too...

Kids love to feel like they are helpers especially when a person they love is hurting.
Set them up making Thank You cards with stickers and crayons. It will be nice for them. and you get special cards to mail out...
Make a game out of who can "pick up more toys". Winner gets a special treat.. maybe picking out a movie to watch...
Have a game of whose turn is it to help mama... every time they are helpful they get a star on a chart. When you are feeling better tell them that you will take them to the store to get a special toy or treat. Each star equals a dime or quarter or whatever your budget will allow.

Make dinners ahead of time. Freezer meals... The 11 yo should be able to place meal in oven and set a temp to be ready when dad gets home to get it out of the oven. If Dad is late have the 11 turn off the oven and let the meal stay warm in the oven... May get over done but that is something that can be laughed at later down the road.

The biggest thing that I find is letting people help they way they can. It may not get done how I want it but it gets done enough. Letting people step up to help will make your life easier.
Is there someone at the school you trust to take home your 11 yo? Maybe a ride share while you are getting better.

I know you needed to vent... it is OK. HUGS!
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Unread 09-27-2011, 01:09 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

Thanks ladies !! And thanks for telling me to get it together. I went to store today and got my gas x, I got a belley band yesterday, I got most the snacks and like capri suns for kids, I got soups for me, and easy lunches for kids.
I have found my 11 year old can stay night at his friends sunday night, so dad can take me to hospital, I have a back up in place for dad incase his car isn't fixed, I went and rode the bus with my son yesterday to teach him how to ride the public bus incase. I am worried he will forget to get off on right stop and end up a few citys away. But I am also awaiting a friends reply to weather or not she will be able to get him or not. I do have a church and have asked most the ladies, and most them work. But any help I do have is from ladies from church and or mom in law and dad. And I have decided to slow my roll and trying to find a ladie this way to watch my four year old. I can handle him for a day at a time alone and if not I will send him to his old day care. Its a while away but I think I would feel better knowing who he is with, instead of just meeting these people. I have all sorts of ladies responding to help if I need it but they are not licensed and I dont know them. It worries me. The only thing now I really need to figure out is dinners for the week. My mom in law said she wanted to do dinners here well basically make them and eat here herself but also means her two kids eating here so I am gonna wait till this weekend to see what to get with her.
Any think of anything I am missing? I got clothes, underwear, I am going to use old underwear that are kinda too big for me. And I have belley band. I have lip balm galore, . I just can't think straight and to top it off I am in extreme pain this week, I have been break through bleeding on lupron the last three weeks, now its getting heavy and clotty and still hurts wayyy bad. Makes it hard to think.
thanks again for support Im gonna text my husband say sorry again. And you brought up good point, I ALWAYS FORGET THAT MY FAMILY IS PROBLY STRESSING OUT TO OVER THE SITUATION. I JUST FIGURE IT DOESN'T PHASE THEM I GUESS.
Unread 09-27-2011, 01:30 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end


You are off to a great start! Good job! Find a box or container that you can slowly throw a few things into for your bedside as you think of them.

I have chapstick, socks to keep my feet warm, a book to read, crossword puzzles, a stocking to knit for my grandson, heat pad, reading glasses, pens, pencils, markers, notebook, snacks (crackers, trail mix, prunes and water bottles). My computer and tv are nearby. Everything else will be at easy reach - pads, toothbrush, medications, etc.

I am planning for the worst, but expecting the best. Hopefully, I will be able to get up and around after a couple days. But if not, I will be good for several days and even after my husband goes back to work.

It sounds like you are doing better. Everything will work out great, just keep moving forward with your checklist.

Best of luck to you....

Unread 09-27-2011, 01:46 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

Thanks Golden life, I am feeling a lot better today. Still stress, but guess that is normal. Good luck with your recovery!!!!
Unread 09-27-2011, 03:03 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

Take a deep breath in and just breath! I have anxiety and I just had a LAVH 12 days ago so I know how you feel!! You just have to trust that things will work out!! And if you are alone that Saturday you will be ok!! 4 days after my surgery I was up and around...I was hobbling around but I was up and about!!! Like I said trust that everything will work out!

I thought that I would be laid out on the couch for weeks after the surgery but I really wasnt!! even the day after my surgery I was up helping with mom came over to help and she took advantage of the situation and did my laundry (I NEVER let her clean at my house and it drives her nuts lol, I tell her everything in my house has a specific place and I need to sanitize my house my way when I clean lol!!) so she was putting up laundry and I was telling her and showing her where things went!

Also! If you request a binder before your surgery they will get you one and put it on right after your surgery that will help! It helps keep everything in place and the light pressure from it feels so good! I know that sounds crazy but it helps secure things lol!! That will help as well because then if you have to make a sandwich, get cereal, or pop a TV dinner in the microwave it helps keep everything in place and it wont move!!
Unread 09-27-2011, 03:19 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

The only thing that really bugs me that you said is that your husband won't take your 4 year old with him. I understand he's not his biological father, but he's his step-father. My husband and I were both previously married and I had two kids with my first husband and he had one son with his first wife and now we have a daughter together. If I needed my husband to take care of one of my older children and he refused, I would be livid. I'm sorry. It's really none of my business but I don't think you should have to worry about that. I hope everything comes together for you and you have an uneventful surgery and great recovery!
Unread 09-27-2011, 05:35 PM
Re: At breaking point, poor family getting the bitter end

Thanks all,I have major anxiety going on and am very grumpy. Ug. I worry a lot about stuff too. And ya. I have gotten most stuff figured out. I am just sitting in anxiety, it sucks. One thing that really bothers me is that I don't know how exactly everything is going to go and it drives me insane. lol.

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