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No Help in Sight! No Help in Sight!

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  #1  
Unread 10-09-2011, 09:53 PM
No Help in Sight!

Does anyone have any advice for someone who's family expessially husband and mil who won't help out after surgery? I
Have 5 kids aged 17,15,12,4,3. My husband will only take off work while I'm in the hospital and thinks once I'm home I should be ready to do everything- he's being a total jerk about this. My mil tells me today she dosnt know how much she can do with her arthritis and all. I feel totally abandoned. I have to have this surgery. My older kids can help out some I think but it's not going to be enough since they're in school all day long and I'm home with my 3 and 4 year olds. Any advice on ways to handle this would be appreciated! I'm going to ask my dr if I can stay in the hospital as long as possible due to no help at home.
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  #2  
Unread 10-10-2011, 12:12 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

What kind of hysterectomy are you having and do you have a neighbors, close friends that would be willing to come over and help you out during the day? If not, then I suggest you reserve the bottom shelf in the frig for the two little ones to get their juice, milk, snacks or whatever else they need by themselves. They will thing it's fun and "grown up" that they can do it alone. I would also have your older children or your husband make them sandwichs for lunch before they leave and put them in their as well. This way you will only have to supervise their efforts without having to prepare the food or bend and lift. Hubby may see it differently once you get home and he realizes how uncomfortable you are.

Good luck,
Tracy
  #3  
Unread 10-10-2011, 12:23 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

Thank you- that's a good idea!
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  #4  
Unread 10-10-2011, 12:37 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

You're very welcome. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
  #5  
Unread 10-10-2011, 12:57 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

that is a good idea, but in the meantime, get a best girlfriend or a neighbor to come in and check on you too.
  #6  
Unread 10-10-2011, 01:30 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

Your husband needs to read up on your surgery. Can he come to your pre-op appointment? He needs to understand what your body will be going through. There is no way you will be able to do everything once you're home. You will be sore, tired, and need to rest most of the first two weeks. I am so sorry he is being a jerk about this.

Maybe he's scared? I don't know, but some people can be unpleasant when they don't want people to know they're really afraid. Do you know anyone who has gone through this that can talk to him? My dh talked to several guys at work that went through this with their wives and he knew that I wouldn't be able to do much and he helped out as much as he could.

I would certainly do my best to get him to the doctor with me to have the doctor explain things to him. That might be very helpful.
  #7  
Unread 10-10-2011, 01:53 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by mtbbdm View Post
Your husband needs to read up on your surgery. Can he come to your pre-op appointment? He needs to understand what your body will be going through. There is no way you will be able to do everything once you're home. You will be sore, tired, and need to rest most of the first two weeks. I am so sorry he is being a jerk about this.

Maybe he's scared? I don't know, but some people can be unpleasant when they don't want people to know they're really afraid. Do you know anyone who has gone through this that can talk to him? My dh talked to several guys at work that went through this with their wives and he knew that I wouldn't be able to do much and he helped out as much as he could.

I would certainly do my best to get him to the doctor with me to have the doctor explain things to him. That might be very helpful.
yep that is right. hopefully he can gain some good information about this and be more understanding of what you are going through and you should be able to rely on him to help you through this.

my boyfriend has had a vascectomy and he is very understanding of what i'm about to go through with this hysterectomy. he he asked meif he could come to be with me when i get ready to go through this procedure. i thought that was very sweet of him. so, some men understand and can be thoughtful. maybe your husban is the same way, just a little scared, that's all. but he does need to be with you. get him information so he can get understanding.
  #8  
Unread 10-10-2011, 02:02 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

Thanks ! He is going to the pre op with me. Hopefully that will help! I'll get through this somehow! I do have 2 friends that can help out a little bit. And my older kids. Im just used to having tondo everything myself and this won't be easy. Good luck to you all! This too shall soon pass!
  #9  
Unread 10-10-2011, 02:13 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

oh great! that will work!! i'm so glad he is going with you to pre op. that way he too can talk one on one with your doctor and he can ask him all the questions that he has concerns about.
yes sweetie, you will get through this too. so will i. we all will! we are will be strong future hyster sisters!
now yeah, i can truly identify with you by not being able to do things myself. that is gonna be hard for me too. i really don't like sitting up in bed all day, taking it easy, looking at Bette Davis movies on DVD, listening to some nice classic old school music on the mp3, then dozing off and taking lovely naps!........hey! that sounds like a diva vacation to me! only thing missing is the chocolate bon bons! lol! shoot! you sure we can't have that? lol!
  #10  
Unread 10-11-2011, 10:29 PM
Re: No Help in Sight!

Lol! I've started packing my hospital bag and getting everything I need. I'm also getting some frozen entrees for myself to heat up for a quick lunch. My daughters are on dinner duty! And now my mil says she will be able to help me- I think my husband talked to her. And he's taking a few more days off work then previously planned. I'm starting to feel better about the whole thing!
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