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But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?! But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

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  #1  
Unread 10-23-2011, 11:57 PM
But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

Pure frustration time at the moment so sorry about this post.

Scaling the walls over here with panic with two weeks to go; and other people are driving me crazier with the comments they make when I try to explain the emotional whirlwind I'm on. The "only having a hysterectomy" comment was made earlier today when I was talking about being off work and responding to the question of whether I was nervous or not. I'm overwhelmed still with so many fears and questions and in response to each one mentioned it keeps feeling like nobody is listening.

In response to that I don't have children and wish I did; I get told things like you can always adopt; children can be stressful anyway etc. those things might all be true but hearing isn't helping right now. I really wish someone would just listen without needing to say things that currently hurt more than help.

Scared of dying from surgery? "you could die at any hour and at any time". Again it might be true, but it isn't helping these fears
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  #2  
Unread 10-24-2011, 12:16 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by zadie View Post
Pure frustration time at the moment so sorry about this post.

Scaling the walls over here with panic with two weeks to go; and other people are driving me crazier with the comments they make when I try to explain the emotional whirlwind I'm on. The "only having a hysterectomy" comment was made earlier today when I was talking about being off work and responding to the question of whether I was nervous or not. I'm overwhelmed still with so many fears and questions and in response to each one mentioned it keeps feeling like nobody is listening.

In response to that I don't have children and wish I did; I get told things like you can always adopt; children can be stressful anyway etc. those things might all be true but hearing isn't helping right now. I really wish someone would just listen without needing to say things that currently hurt more than help.

Scared of dying from surgery? "you could die at any hour and at any time". Again it might be true, but it isn't helping these fears
I'm so sorry.

What you are getting ready to go through, (what WE are getting ready to go through) is a really big deal.

I understand.

This is a place where many, many women will understand what you are feeling.

Be Blessed.
  #3  
Unread 10-24-2011, 12:24 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

oh (((zadie)))......people can really be SO insensitive, its unbelievable.
I am sorry you have had to deal with these types of comments from people who have absolutely no understanding of how huge this surgery is with life altering consequences.

Yet, remember that women get through this and not only survive, but THRIVE!! There are many ladies on this site doing just that. My own MIL had this surgery many years ago at my age, and she is energetic, and lives life to the fullest (more than I do right now with all my health problems), and it inspires me to see how healthy and youthful she is.
Thats why registering on this site is the best thing you have done. I am sure that there will be more ladies here soon to just listen to you. They understand because they have been there or are going through it right now.
PLease pay no attention to these hurtful comments...they are insensitive and uncalled for.
And please, dont apologize for your post...you can come hear to vent, rant, anything...you are allowed to!
Good luck and be well!
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  #4  
Unread 10-24-2011, 12:26 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

The best help I got pre op was from friends who would listen but not offer much in reply. It was the listening I needed more than anything. I have one friend, who was completely awesome, who's only "advice" was "You're a tough lady, you'll make it through".

Try not to listen to those who haven't been through it. Use your sisters here for advice and support, they understand better than anyone.

I am 3 weeks post op and I remember being terrified before surgery. Even though it was something I NEEDED to have done I was scared about many things. It is natural to be scared. Remember that you are having this surgery for a reason and life will be better on the other side of this.

You have thousands of women here to support you!
  #5  
Unread 10-24-2011, 01:15 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

I would agree that finding someone who could listen empathetically and non-judgmentally when I was trying to make the decision was important. This forum was very helpful to find people with similar concerns and a variety of perspectives and answers.
  #6  
Unread 10-24-2011, 07:15 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by zadie View Post
Pure frustration time at the moment so sorry about this post.

Scaling the walls over here with panic with two weeks to go; and other people are driving me crazier with the comments they make when I try to explain the emotional whirlwind I'm on. The "only having a hysterectomy" comment was made earlier today when I was talking about being off work and responding to the question of whether I was nervous or not. I'm overwhelmed still with so many fears and questions and in response to each one mentioned it keeps feeling like nobody is listening.

In response to that I don't have children and wish I did; I get told things like you can always adopt; children can be stressful anyway etc. those things might all be true but hearing isn't helping right now. I really wish someone would just listen without needing to say things that currently hurt more than help.

Scared of dying from surgery? "you could die at any hour and at any time". Again it might be true, but it isn't helping these fears
So sorry you are facing comments like this from people who obviously don't understand. I'm only 35 and also have no children. My husband and I took a lot of time discussing and I did finally come to terms with the fact that adoption is an option and plan to do so. Still, running into people I don't see often and don't know I had surgery and getting the dreaded "when are you going to have babies" question is a little tough.

Now, on the positive side, I am almost 7 weeks post op and feel better than I have in years. My husband and I are already getting out and doing things I haven't done in years because I feared getting too far away from a restroom and having an "episode". For me, I'm very glad I had the surgery. I feel as if I finally have my life back!!

Good luck with your surgery and this website is great, use it often!!
  #7  
Unread 10-24-2011, 09:49 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

Yowzah! Sorry Zadie - these comments really suck! No need to apologize - that's what we are here for. Vent all you want.

Obviously, these people have no concept of what you are going through.

Years ago when having my hysteroscopy, my GP's assistant asked why I didn't just get a hysterectomy and be done with it. I told her I was still hoping to have children and she looked at me as if I were growing 2 heads. Insensitive Witch! I no longer see that doctor.

I never did have children and I'm at peace with that now, but that peace required a lot of tears and time.

I have no words of wisdom for dealing with these people and their comments as my first instinct is to swing back (metaphorically speaking). As always, my darling husband, the calmer and wiser of our team, will remind me that they didn't mean any harm and were just trying to be helpful. Sometimes I feel like smacking him, too.

Take care of yourself and visit often. There are women on here with the worlds best advice.

(((HUGS)))
  #8  
Unread 10-24-2011, 10:48 AM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

I am so sorry for the insensitive comments... ((hugs)). Good luck, I feel your fear and I understand your being scared, I think we here all are even though it is "for the best". Good luck... sending hugs and prayers.

Kim
  #9  
Unread 10-24-2011, 07:21 PM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

Surgery is serious no matter what kind. I don't think people mean to be insensitive they just don't think before they open their mouth. In my case my brother in law told the entire family that I have to have surgery and they "found something" OMG talk about embarrasing!!! Now everyone wants to know if I am ok. I don't feel like telling anyone. Good luck and you are making a decision to improve your health and your life and its ok if sometimes you just feel like being rude to someone!!!
  #10  
Unread 10-24-2011, 11:24 PM
Re: But you're only having a hysterectomy aren't you?!

I only have one thing to say, I'm gonna miss being able to tell people what I really think of their advice and following it up with "I'm sorry, that was rude, must be my hormones." LOL
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