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What do you tell people when you don't want them to know? What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

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Unread 10-26-2011, 04:03 AM
What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I am going to be having a TAH, along with a fistula repair, rectocele and cystocele repair and other possible bladder work (in the testing process right now). I am fairly young (31 years old) and there are certain people I just don't want to tell what my surgery is going to be.

So what do I say? I'm going to be in the hospital for 3 to 4 days, with a long recovery at home. People at church are wondering what's going on and I have female friends that will want to help out. I'm fine with my female friends knowing, but don't want everyone at church to know, or those guy friends from high school who just don't need that info.

Do I say something like I'm having repairs done for trauma from my pregnancies and deliveries? (It's true.) Do I say that I'm having some long standing pain issues addressed? Treating my endometriosis?

I'm kind of at a loss. I know not everyone will think I shouldn't just say what it is, but for me, there are just some people that I don't want to tell.

I would love your thoughts!
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Unread 10-26-2011, 05:05 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

Hi Melissa,

I agree that not everyone needs to know every little detail about your surgery. I'm a 56yo and I just went under a LATH with rectocele repair and I really didn't want everyone to know exactly what was going on. Besides the fact that I'd have to explain most of it to them (eeww!)

So on the advice of our HR Manager, I just said that I was having gynecological surgical procedure. It is enough to let them know that you will be needing help and a long recovery. That was all said. Of course, there was those fellow sisters (that love them), wanted me to be in their club and told me all about their procedures. But I just didn't feel it was in my best interests to go into detail especially with the pelvic floor prolapse etc (don't want to scare anyone!).

You are so young to go through all this. Good luck and bless you and I wish you a speedy recovery. I am 12 days out and it's been a rough road for me because I'm not used to stopping long and always have tons of projects and grandchildren around. I'm learning to listen to my body and taking lots of naps. My husband luckily works from home and has been a dear. I do not like that I'm so dependent on him, but then I am so thankful that he is here to take care of me.
Unread 10-26-2011, 06:12 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

Wow, I'm having many repairs also, many people from my church have called the house asking about me, (some i dont even speak with, how funny) we skipped a couple of services,wasn't feeling good due to my prolapses, cystocele rectocele and vaginal vault, I see your concerns because it's not something I can just blurt out as I'm having a hard enough time dealing with this myself. Because we go to church every Sunday and me missing of few has people talking my priest and his wife were told because we've become really good friends, they call to send prays and I could really use them, I've never had surgery before and I'm scared. I will probably only tell some who ask that I'm having some issues taken care of in the surgery department and would like some me time for awhile but thanks for your thoughts and concerns. Hopefully they get the meaning behind my answers. My Doc said one overnight in hospital for me with all my repairs, I hope that she's right, your stay is 3-4, kinda hoped for at least 2 days that's how scared I am, I'm willing to stay longer. I'm 51 and have three children. All adults now, so I'll have plenty support at home. Thanks for sharing. Cat
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Unread 10-26-2011, 06:47 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I would say you're just having some things taken care of...really, no more information is needed. Your female friends will certainly understand. Every lady I have talked with who has had this done has been nothing but reassuring.

I agree, it is uncomfortable to pass along too much information.
Unread 10-26-2011, 07:34 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I am 33 and having a TAH with LSO, possible BSO. I'm in the same boat, except lacking the offers for help. LOL I just told people I was having major abdominal surgery (hysterectomy for those who asked specifics), but I'm not going into more detail than that. If anyone presses, I would just say you've had issues for years and it's time for it to come out. The other details, imo, aren't anyone's business. HTH! And good luck with your surgery. I'm hoping it will be the answer for me as well
Unread 10-26-2011, 07:54 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I just flat out told people that "I'm having a hysterectomy - and it's a good thing." That pretty much told people what they wanted to know and stopped further questions.

The few people who had personal experience then shared theirs, which I appreciated. I didn't feel obligated to go into more details with them unless I wanted to.
Unread 10-26-2011, 09:11 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I think most people will stop at "female issues", "gynecological surgery", or abdominal surgery". If they ask details, I'm inclined to say "it's rather personal and I'd rather not go into all that" or "I don't care to go into all the details". I found no one pursued it after that, although for some I just said "I had some health problems taken care of". I believe in being vague and just have a set of vague answers to cycle through. You can add something about being fine, having a long recovery, appreciating future help, or whatever suits your situation, and divert the subject a bit. Don't feel obligated to go into detail. A lot of people actually just want to know so they can figure out what you need, so if you can divert the conversation to that, they will be happy. It's nice you have such concern. Do think of what you'll need, meals, rides, etc, to be ready for them. Best wishes for your surgery.
Unread 10-26-2011, 09:26 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I am happy to know I am not the only one out there that doesn't want everyone knowing about my surgery. I am having a total hysterectomy (including removing both ovaries) on Nov 4th. I will be 29 next month. It is just very private to me. Especially the fact that I will being going through menopause and HRT. I am keeping it very private and if anyone asks, just saying going in for surgery to take care of some healthy issues.

Best of luck with your surgery!
Unread 10-26-2011, 10:15 AM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I've just been going with "I'm having major abdominal surgery to address some pain and issues I've been having, and will be out of commission until New Years" (my surgery is Nov 23... I guess there's a chance I'll be "better" before then, but I want to make sure) I'm not real keen on my entire congregation knowing all my business, either.
Unread 10-26-2011, 02:34 PM
Re: What do you tell people when you don't want them to know?

I said the same thing that Bugati & Greyown said. I didnt want some people to know either so I also said "i'm having GIRL surgery!" That stopped them in their tracks also...LOL I also understand not wanting everyone in church to know but do let them ( the ones you want to know) bring food, clean , do laundry, grocery shop etc. It is so helpful. I didnt have much support from my church and it hurt my feelings!! But I had great friends who helped me a lot.

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